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One-child families

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Original poster

Will we regret stopping?

62 replies

Limon87 · 07/09/2025 21:24

Hi all,

So long story short I have PCOS, married 9 years, together 14, have a three year old little boy. Always wanted two kids. Had three losses before our son. Had another loss in May. About to meet fertility consultant this week.

However I am having serious doubts. I turn 39 and husband turns 43 early next year. We are genuinely quite tired with the baby journey and not excited about the prospect of another, and above all we absolutely love life with our son.

honestly we are very good parents, I don’t say that with an ego, but definitely the fact our little boy is the miracle we wondered for a long time wouldn’t happen, has helped us in terms of gratitude, love and patience. Our son is a very happy, very confident and very secure according to his nursery. He’s genuinely a very bright, stubborn and hilarious little guy and we just couldn’t be prouder or love him more. I truly adore being his mam. 🥰

we have two brilliant jobs, financially quite secure and overall I we are just happy. But there is something in both of us that worries if we don’t go again that we’ll regret it in years to come.

however more recently something has switched that makes me wonder will I regret messing up our lovely dynamic. My husband is a bit ocd, anxious and being a dad took some adjusting to because he just takes the responsibility very seriously to the point of it being quite overwhelming. However now he’s settled into it he loves our life, but finds it relentless.

we don’t have a village, both our sets of parents have health issues etc. my siblings are way older with kids at completely different stages and my husband is an only child.

I dunno just currently feel like we’re both getting our bodies back to good health, we have a good balance and aren’t exhausted. Our marriage is brilliant despite the hardship of infertility. And I dunno I’m just really happy as we are and think despite things, we make life work very nicely with the three of us.

my baby losses devastated me, and to be honest I don’t know will I ever figure out is the issue that I don’t want more kids, or if our journey to become parents has me so physically and emotionally drained have I just given up? I’m sad but I also am thinking maybe the universe is really trying to tell me something.

I’m just lost. Today we minded my best friend’s one year old and the whole time I just though, got I hate having to split my attention and wow I really don’t want to go back to the age again.

theres just a lot of worry and doubt. Our friends in the thick of two kids are all exhausted and dare I say it miserable. Cost of living crisis means even my high earner friends are broke.

My sister also has two kids, and her youngest has severe special needs - she has never held back in telling me to enjoy what we have. This definitely makes me worry a bit that with so many unknowns with a second, that we risk ruining our lovely life. I know that’s harsh but I’m being honest.

But then despite all this we both worry that in ten years we’ll massively regret not giving things one last attempt at trying. Ugh it’s such a minefield.

anyway sorry for the babble. im not even making any sense. I am just keen for any input from anyone on if they’ve been in the same boat and how they made the decision to stop and what was the moment it finally clicked for certain?

please - no harsh comments thanks. If I sound smug it’s probably because I’m so traumatised from our losses that I’ve just learned to be happy with what we have. I’m being vulnerable and honest. I just want some kind honesty back.

OP posts:
TwelvePercent · 10/09/2025 22:57

I don't know if it helps OP, but I'm an only married to an only & neither of us have really felt like we missed out on anything.

We both had a huge amount of love, time and attention given to us growing up, and our children are absolutely adored by their grandparents.
In my mind 40's I'm starting to see some of my friends struggling with aging relatives & feckless siblings and that seems almost harder than knowing we will be the care givers/ decision makers in future & we can plan for that.

Your boy will be loved & it will be grand.
All the best to your lovely family.

MBL · 10/09/2025 23:15

Beamur · 08/09/2025 09:26

I have one DD and it's been about perfect.
TBF she has 2 older siblings from DH's first marriage but she's been our only and the older kids had moved out by the time she started school so she doesn't really remember them living with us.
Having a single child is an underrated joy.

What a lovely thing to say!
'Having a single child is an underrated joy.'

Nice to read about happy families. OP I don't think you sound smug at all, just thoughtful and grateful.

mildlysweaty · 10/09/2025 23:18

Never regretted sticking at one for a second. Child is 7.

NewsdeskJC · 10/09/2025 23:28

Your only obligation is to have a happy and fulfilled life. You have that.
You won't regret stepping off the fertility treadmill. Your son has a great life and will thrive with 2 loving parents.
Count your blessings and move on.

mrlistersgelfbride · 18/09/2025 23:28

Lovely thread.
I have 1 DD who will soon be 8. I’m 40.
In my head I’ve gone up, down, over and back every way there is about having another child.
I’ve come to terms with the truth.
The truth is I don’t just don’t want another child and I never have done and it’s ok 😊
I love DD to bits, she’s a high energy kid but I can be a good mum to her whilst working , seeing friends and (just about) keeping sane!

I love the company of little kids , but I don’t really like the newborn/toddler stage.
I’ll play games, crafts and dance in the kitchen with them, but babies, no way. And finally , I’m in a place I’ll tell people this if they ask me 🤣
We only get one life and it’s for enjoying too.

I think you sound truly sorted OP , your life and your family sounds great as they are. Enjoy it.
Much love x

Original poster
Limon87 · 04/10/2025 15:04

Hi all,

Sorry for the radio silence. I just needed to lean into things for a bit and figure stuff out. So we met a fertility consultant and are meant to be about to start testing, with the plan to go ivf for one round and if it doesn’t work park things.

However, as we approach it all I’ve just become more and more filled with DREAD and this morning, just after a Pilates class and sauna session to be exact 😂 I just had this moment where thought of another child literally filled me with such panic I had to ring my husband to come get me and I bawled my eyes out in the car. And all week I’ve been envisaging IVF not working and being relieved at the prospect.

We had a huge chat and long story short we are both so happy as we are with our family our three and the dog 🐶 We feel our literal only reason we ever wanted to give things another go is in case we regret not. But a) we don’t think that’s enough of a reason to have another kid, needs to be more to it I feel. b) after four losses it’s fair to say we gave it a fair shot and don’t need IVF to be proud of our efforts and call it a day. We’ve not had ANY envy at other people and their two or more kids. We are both thriving and honestly think a second may ruin things for us.

For the first time in years I’m excited, and honestly just so grateful for what we do have. Yes who knows. Maybe has luck had it that we had our son earlier and without the losses before and after him, we may have felt differently. But that isn’t how life worked and honestly I don’t look back and wish things were different. I think we’re where we’re meant to be. I don’t think I’ll ever regret not doing IVF, but every day I am regretting more and more the stress I am putting myself under instead of adoring the beautiful life I have.

So, next steps for us is to try and find a couples counsellor who specialises in infertility just to talk through our pretty much final thoughts and close this chapter behind us. Just one final chat with a professional to help us both confirm these feelings are genuine and not just because we’re both knackered and traumatised 😂 I think we both know the answer is we just don’t want another but when you’ve had a different vision for 15 years it’s not easy to let go of it. Even when you know it’s a vision that no longer serves you!

Today I finally feel like things have clicked, and I feel happy, relieved and giddy with excitement. Like my spark has come back.

Thanks for all your thoughts and sharing your own experiences. The reality is for some people many kids is the joy and for others one is just right. Either way we’re all smashing it and we’re all doing the path meant for us.

Big loves all. Xxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
Limon87 · 04/10/2025 15:10

You’ve all got no idea how helpful this thread was. I’ve read back on it all and it’s just filled my heart with joy. Incredible to have moved into this headspace finally and you’ve all helped so much x

OP posts:
Original poster
Limon87 · 04/10/2025 15:22

Iocainepowder · 08/09/2025 08:44

We had a second DC. She is nearly 2 and continues to be a terrible sleeper. It has absolutely destroyed us and although i love her, we’d be absolutely fine now wellbeing wise if we had stuck at one DC.

Sending you so much love. But look things will get better. You won’t regret it in a few years. Things will level out. I’ve seen it with my siblings and friends. Something in you knew two was right for you and honestly once you close the hard chapter you’ll feel that. I’m sorry it’s been so hard on you ❤️

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 04/10/2025 15:28

From every word you’ve wrote I would stop at 1 for sure. There’s many many positives. I have 3 and I often wonder what life would have been like if I had stopped at 1 or 2. I am stretched beyond what I could explain husband works away no village at all. X

Original poster
Limon87 · 06/10/2025 06:58

mrssunshinexxx · 04/10/2025 15:28

From every word you’ve wrote I would stop at 1 for sure. There’s many many positives. I have 3 and I often wonder what life would have been like if I had stopped at 1 or 2. I am stretched beyond what I could explain husband works away no village at all. X

Thinking of you @mrssunshinexxx This stage isn’t forever so just keep holding on to that. Lots of love x

OP posts:
Izzythezizzy · 06/10/2025 10:42

Limon87 · 04/10/2025 15:04

Hi all,

Sorry for the radio silence. I just needed to lean into things for a bit and figure stuff out. So we met a fertility consultant and are meant to be about to start testing, with the plan to go ivf for one round and if it doesn’t work park things.

However, as we approach it all I’ve just become more and more filled with DREAD and this morning, just after a Pilates class and sauna session to be exact 😂 I just had this moment where thought of another child literally filled me with such panic I had to ring my husband to come get me and I bawled my eyes out in the car. And all week I’ve been envisaging IVF not working and being relieved at the prospect.

We had a huge chat and long story short we are both so happy as we are with our family our three and the dog 🐶 We feel our literal only reason we ever wanted to give things another go is in case we regret not. But a) we don’t think that’s enough of a reason to have another kid, needs to be more to it I feel. b) after four losses it’s fair to say we gave it a fair shot and don’t need IVF to be proud of our efforts and call it a day. We’ve not had ANY envy at other people and their two or more kids. We are both thriving and honestly think a second may ruin things for us.

For the first time in years I’m excited, and honestly just so grateful for what we do have. Yes who knows. Maybe has luck had it that we had our son earlier and without the losses before and after him, we may have felt differently. But that isn’t how life worked and honestly I don’t look back and wish things were different. I think we’re where we’re meant to be. I don’t think I’ll ever regret not doing IVF, but every day I am regretting more and more the stress I am putting myself under instead of adoring the beautiful life I have.

So, next steps for us is to try and find a couples counsellor who specialises in infertility just to talk through our pretty much final thoughts and close this chapter behind us. Just one final chat with a professional to help us both confirm these feelings are genuine and not just because we’re both knackered and traumatised 😂 I think we both know the answer is we just don’t want another but when you’ve had a different vision for 15 years it’s not easy to let go of it. Even when you know it’s a vision that no longer serves you!

Today I finally feel like things have clicked, and I feel happy, relieved and giddy with excitement. Like my spark has come back.

Thanks for all your thoughts and sharing your own experiences. The reality is for some people many kids is the joy and for others one is just right. Either way we’re all smashing it and we’re all doing the path meant for us.

Big loves all. Xxxx

Edited

This is really lovely and I’m so glad you reached a decision you feel happy with. I think it’s human nature to always wonder what if but sometimes that takes away from seeing what is right in front of you and how fortunate you already are. Sometimes life throws these challenges at us to make us realise that! I have one 7 year old DD and honestly it is the best thing ever, there is so much joy in one. Enjoy your life with your lovely little family ❤️

Littledot2 · 11/12/2025 20:33

@Limon87 Thank you for your beautifully written raw truth ❤️ A lovely thread.

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