Feeling such guilt but just cannot do it all again....friends cruel comment

[universal83]

Hey first nervous post here.
I had my little boy 7 years ago and after a crap pregnancy and then traumatic labour I always said I was done!! I have never since felt broody at all ever. My husband on the other hand has always felt regret we did not have another child. Whilst it has always ultimately been my decision I have always felt he resented me for it but he denies this. Anyway last week my best friend announces she is 14 weeks pregnant with her second and says to me 'well I could never leave so and so without a sibling it is just awful and cruel' she knows I feel terrible guilt over my selfish decision to not give my child a sibling. I feel a terrible mother and wife for making my son an only child through choice. Yet I do not feel this about other mothers who chose one only:( my boy is so so loved and well rounded and happy. He did want a sibling when much younger but has not asked or shown desire in recent year or two.

What an awful thing to say! I’m an only and although I didn’t have a great childhood up until about 10 year old (abusive father) I’ve never ever felt like I’ve missed out..surely I’ve had the odd occasion as I’m older thinking a sister would maybe be nice but I have a small group of amazing friends who feel like sisters to me. I’m incredibly close to my mum she had me at 18 so we have a sisterly relationship, I only have the one ds whos 8 now and I think having another would upset the Applecart and hed feel almost pushed out.

Families are all completely different and if they weren’t it would be a very boring world! Xx

With a seven year age gap, you would effectively have two only children until they are grown up. I speak from experience!

Your friend was mean to make that comment. Is she happy with her own situation do you think? It just sounds like such a defensive, nasty stinger of a comment - almost like she wanted to take you down a peg. It may be that she is trying to make the best of her situation and thinks by putting you down she’s somehow justifying her own position.
We never know what goes on in other peoples heads - maybe her partner didn’t think they could afford a 2nd who knows.
This is more about her than you.

Try not to let it get to you but maybe when you feel stronger challenge her and say you found her comment hurtful and rude. End the friendship if she doesn’t appreciate your perspective otherwise you are facing into years of these nasty slights.

If you're on fb, join the group my first, my last, my everything. Really lovely single child family discussion on there.

Does she post on here a lot? That bloody word 'cruel' is bandied about loads; presumably by people who don't know what it means. It's not. You haven't been. Ignore the smug, nasty cow (accurate).

OP I'm an only and I've never once felt I've missed anything through not having a sibling! I think when I was younger I did ask my mum why there wasn't any brothers and sisters (she like you didn't want to do it all again), and she always told me because I was all she ever wanted and there was no reason to have another.

I always had friends round growing up and had the most fantastic childhood. I'm so glad my parents didn't have a sibling just out of duty because our lives haven't required it at all. I'm not spoilt, or lonely and never have been.

my dgm just loved the glamour of the Grosvenor house receptions in the 40s and 50s .. thought another child would hinder that .. despite having a nanny to care for the child ..

Nothing you've said here proves that there wasn't any number of reasons why she didn't have more. It's entirely possible she was unable to but was embarrassed or ashamed. Maybe she had PND and was too afraid (like me, not many people know though and they think it's just a choice) maybe she had a traumatic birth and kept that private. I mean, she could have even been trying and had losses...it's not like it's something that she'd be telling a small child about so why would your mother know.
It's so depressing that anyone would judge only children. Something that might be a choice but also might be completely out of the parents hands. How could that be a travesty... maybe worry about some of those children out there who are actually suffering.

I'm an only child and had no problem with it at all growing up. However, as I've got older it started to bother me more, knowing I'll never have nieces or nephews of my own and will have to deal with inevitable events in the future on my own with no sibling support.
But don't feel guilty! Its totally your choice and don't let anyone guilt you into feeling any different! There's millions of children/adults with no siblings who get by just fine!
Xxx