Still struggling to come to terms with only one child

[Elizabeth209]

I have an 18 month old little boy and he is amazing. I love him so much. (Currently sleeping in my arms) my partner told me a while ago he doesn't want another. Although I understand his reasons I am struggling to come to terms with it. We would struggle financially, babies are bloody hard work and especially if I also had a toddler to look after. We wouldn't be able to give 2 kids the experiences in life that we could with just one. There's lots of things we want to do such as traveling and buy a bigger house. I really understand that it's probably the right decision for us. Not to mention interfering in laws who sadly I rely on for child care. I'm not sure I could cope with their interfering if we have another. I just struggle to let it go that I won't be doing it again. Does anyone else feel like this?

Hi OP

I'm sort of the opposite - sitting in a Marie stopes clinic rn wondering which way to go.

Lots of useful threads on here will have to link them one by one.

Only child but not by choice- happy overall but sometimes feel doubt http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/onechildd_families/3973851-Only-child-but-not-by-choice-happy-overall-but-sometimes-feel-doubt

Coming to terms with not having a second child http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/onechildd_families/3980971-coming-to-terms-with-not-having-a-second-child

How do parents come to terms with only having one child http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/onechildd_families/3662628-how-do-parents-come-to-terms-with-only-having-one-child

I don't think financial worries and not being able to give the children fancy things should be a concern, assuming homelessness isn't a possibility. I have nothing but happy memories playing with my sisters and having adventures. We had absolutely no idea our parents were struggling! I would much prefer the childhood I had to one on my own in a mansion with my own pony etc.

If it is for yourself because you want to go travelling every year or go out to restaurants regularly etc then that's different. But I wouldn't worry about it for the kid(s) sake

"I don't think financial worries and not being able to give the children fancy things should be a concern, assuming homelessness isn't a possibility. I have nothing but happy memories playing with my sisters and having adventures. We had absolutely no idea our parents were struggling! I would much prefer the childhood I had to one on my own in a mansion with my own pony etc."

No one said anything about a mansion or a pony but for me, my parents constant financial worries were a burden. We weren't homeless but there was always the tension of not knowing how they could afford this or that, never having the same stuff as other kids at school and so on.

Beyond that, I personally don't want to go through the stress of being worried about money for 18 years.

OP, I understand. I think we're going to stop at one. Financial reasons, my health, my career and the fact that I don't think I could go through the newborn stage again with a toddler on top of everything else.

It's sad because I love the thought of him having a brother or sister but I don't deal well with stress.

I'm in the same boat, I would love a 2nd child but my husband doesn't want another.
Our 6 year old boy has autism so it worries me he will be on his own when we won't be around. I don't know how to persuade my husband. He says it will be too stressful having another. Our son is so hyper and always full of energy so I understand where my husband is coming from but I just can't see my son being on his own especially later on in life.

I can empathise. I always thought I wanted multiple children, but I found having my first so stressful and overwhelming in lots of different ways.

When I fell pregnant again when DS was 4, I was initially happy but then I was overcome with this awful sense of dread and saw my future slipping into a void of unemployment (I was on a casual contract at the time & struggling to find decent work as it was), poor mental health, never getting to spend any time with my husband, insomnia (which I still suffer from due to my son's wakefulness...), and just perpetual stress. We made the decision to terminate.

For several months afterwards, I found it very difficult to be around babies and things, and felt an ache of grief whenever I saw young siblings. These feelings have more or less gone now & I feel that we made the right decision.

I totally get the painful internal conflict this subject can cause... I hope you've been able to feel ok about a decision either way

I enjoyed having an only child. It had little or nothing to do with finances but I felt healthier when he got to four than I had for a long time. Child care is also obviously easier with one. We were never well off, at one stage husband's business went bust, but we managed and had a lot of fun. My son always had plenty of friends and he was not the only only child at school.

However your baby is only eighteen months and in a year or two, your circumstances may have changed and husband may feel differently so there's no need to be definite about it now.

I'm also in your boat so totally feel where you're coming from. My OH told me about year ago now that he didn't wish to have anymore fun and I was devastated. We've worked at things and I do appreciate the ease of having one but I cannot shake the want for a second.
Although I'm on the pill a few months back my periods went out awry and we had a scare. I felt so happy thinking i was pregnant and to be fair my OH was ok, although when it was confirmed i wasnt by blood test he said he was pleased. But I'm not doing too good, I feel so sad. I feel I'm back to thinking about it daily and getting sad at people pregnancy announcements or someone having a baby. I just wish I could shake this feeling and be happy wirh where we're at.

That should be children not fun...