Only child but not by choice- happy overall but sometimes feel doubt

[biwmum84]

Hi everyone. Just wanting some solice that I'm not the only one who feels doubts sometimes. I have a lovely life with my 4 year old and I am happily married to a man who is wonderful. He is 11 years older than me and already has 2 children from a previous marriage so we mutually agreed for our family that only 1 more child would be the best decision, as making the jump to 4 children would be difficult for us. My two stepchildren adore my daughter despite a 7 and 10 year age gap and they are exceptionally close and life overall is really good. Logically I know we have made the right decision to only have one child together but I sometimes feel gutted that I won't have another. It's like my mother instincts feel like I have it in me to have another. However my 4 year old hasn't been the easiest of children (still doesn't regularly sleep through!!!) And I had a very difficult first year. All my friends have 2 children but they mostly say it's really hard and their kids drive them mad a lot of the time squabbling. I don't feel any resentment towards my husband as he offered to have another one but said we would have to be realistic about how we lived our life and I agreed I was happy with how things were. It's just every now and then I get a niggling feeling that I wish we had had another one. But I then think is it just a hormonal instinct kicking in when I have friends who are pregnant and I am lusting after the idea of more than 1 child when the reality is actually really hard although rewarding. Sorry for the ramble but I just wanted to see if anyone felt the same and wondered if these feelings will pass or whether I maybe need some therapy to move through the feelings so they don't eat me up.

@biwmum84..Just found your post and thought I'd reply. I just got a bit of a bollocking on another thread about someone who had found out she was preg at 47 but had 3 kids already and wanted to terminate. I have just one and could never do that but I guess everyone's circumstances are different.
Anyway..yes I feel the same. Its a really difficult decision to make. You do sound happy with how things are now and I'd be wary of rocking the boat but maybe if you don't do it you'll always think what if? We never had another but we're lucky DS is a happy only child. I do worry about the future and hope DS won't be lonely. Also we had him at 40 so will be old sooner than others and don't want him to have the burden of two old gits to look after!!
I had a difficult first year too. I was ebf and my periods didn't return for a year, that put me at 42 and it should have been then that we had another but I was exhausted and we were renting and then DH got very ill so it never happened.
Hormones are the hardest thing to switch off! Maybe if your DH is ok with it, you should try. Don't regret anything like me!
Good luck whatever happens x

I completely understand how you feel. I have 1 child. My little boy is 18 months old and about a year ago my partner told me he didn't want to have another. It did upset me. He did have good points. I'm not sure if we would manage financially and 2 kids does sound like a lot of hard work. Realistically I know 1 child is probably best for us but I do long for another. I get myself a little upset when my friends announce they're pregnant. But on the other hand I can give my little boy things we probably couldn't with 2. We can go on holidays etc which I am absolutely desperate for. If it wasn't for damn Covid we would probably have gone away this year. So I know 1 child is best for us but it doesn't take away the upset of not having another baby.

Lots of doubts here but they are less with each year that passes. We have 1 due to infertility (successful IVF then unsuccesfull IVF with minimal chances of natural conception). DD (5) has started asking for a sister though clearly what she wants is a similar aged sister not a baby. I would however love a baby now but know it won't happen. I feel sad for all of us but she has a good life and I know we are lucky to have her. (Annoyingly I know several families who have 2 or more IVF children so I try not to think about them too much!)

I just have the one too. I’ve been tempted to try for another but I didn’t want to complicate things when I was still with DS dad. It’s been a slog having one and maintaining my job and juggling motherhood generally. I do feel guilty as having an only child is not what I planned at all.
But I guess that’s life