bf wants 2nd i dont

[irgmama]

this is a common argument in ourhouse we have a 3 yr old lg and basicallysince shewas born bf wanted a 2nd but i dont, he says it unfair that i can decide for him to not have anymore children and i say it unfair for him to decide for me to be pregnant and give birth to a child i dont want

Sending my sympathies OP. It's not an easy thing to compromise on! Have you chatted through the reasons why you both feel the way you do?

yes but it just leads to arguments he says im selfish to deprive him of another child and lg of a sibling its not be that im selfish my lg is my absolute world, i just have absolutley no desire to have another child what would be selfish is to have another child and risk always feeling like i didnt want it. families dont really make it easier every few weeks someone will pop up asking when we will have another

Is there somewhere neutral you could go to talk it through and where you'd have to remain calm. Maybe both promise to stay calm and talk it through properly and ban the use of the word selfish. It's such a tricky disagreement to have but you don't want to be in a situation where one resents the other. You certainly shouldn't be having a baby for other people.

Or could you write him a letter outlining all your reasons? So he gets chance to read through and taking into account all your reasons without having chance to get on the defensive.

Well, at least you can see how devoted to you he is - has it not occurred to him that he's perfectly capable of having more children, just not with you? If you really don't want more, then don't have more, but I would recommend talking to him and making your position very clear. It's really not on of him to go on about how selfish you're being, it sounds like he's trying to guilt trip you into doing what he wants with no consideration for what you want.

it doesnt matter what environment we always argue as neither of us is willing to see it from the other point. him going and having a baby with someone else isnt really an option for this as we want to be with each other we just disagree about kids.

Could a counsellor help to facilitate a conversation around reasons for/against another child or would he/you be unwilling to engage with them?

there isnt really a reason for not wanting another i just haveabsolutley no desire to be mum to anyone else

There must be a reason/s for that lack of desire even if you can't put your finger on what it is. Not having a reason will make it difficult for your partner to see your point of view.

If you're struggling to vocalise your feelings, have you considered counselling to help you identify what this feeling could be down to?