Witty answers when asked...

[Pincushion22]

'so you only have one then?' or 'you just have one then?'

I have never been able to find a good answer to this that doesn't make me sound rude or bitter but that also puts people in their place with their implication that I am somehow 'lacking'!

I chose to have one child and love it so I'm not sad at having one. Some witty answers please!

We tried for a second but DP kept missing and putting it in the wrong hole.

We got it right first time round accompanied by withering look at their unappealing progeny.

Why mess with perfection?

No? Shit! Where have the others got to?!

Oh these are great!

Hope I have the nerve to use them at some point!

Keep them coming!!

We got a new milkman and I didn't want the kids to have different dads?

'used up all my good genes on this one'

or the honest response for me 'one is more than enough'

'I like my house the way it is thanks'

'I've got some others in the cupboard at home'

I only had this one in case I ever needed a kidney?

That's a brilliant one Santas.

I'd probably put on a really smug look and say "there is nothing 'just' about my DD". That is what they are implying. That each time they look at one of their DC they think that that DC is insufficient.

Well a second your mean having to have sex again and I'm not some dirty, nympho, whore. Once in a marriage is quite enough.

would, not your .

Two miscarriages after my first born DD, so puds may be right. I did use up all my good genes. Hmmm....

Oh well, if they were really brilliant genes, cant improve on perfection

Wow, you all assume people are implying something negative when they enquire if you have any other children? Why would you think that? Genuine question.

Mind your own sodding business
Oh do fuck off
Id love more but... Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Maybe I need a few new ones...

Well, the condescending tone /incredulity when asking the question... Really negative.

Followed by "I could never have JUST one, but thats just me..." Aaarrgh!!

Its usually negative! I was once cornered in a toy shop by a nanny I had been on nodding terms with when DS was tiny.

"Only one??? Where are there more? (She is Polish)
No. You must have more. One is not enough. I have only one (but he is a boy, so that is good) and you will be lonely when he is grown up. Have another before it's too late. What are you now, 40, 41, 42? Not too late. Have another." etc etc etc.

But then, mum used to get crass comments about the number of kids in our family (not huuuge amount but higher than average). "How many children? Dont you know how to stop?"

Exactly Snow - theres ways that people can say things.

My light brush off is 'well, I couldn't afford the carbon offset for another'

Genius responses here I particularly like the 'have sex twice?' response

"He has an identical twin"

I have 10 years between my dd & ds & for years had these comments now have complete strangers asking why such big gap? Arghh so nosy!! Need to try think of some witty comments for this

Absolutely fab answers everyone! You are so great! .

I particularly like your reference to the carbon offset CMOT - DH likes to think we are helping the environment

Yellowdomino - quite happy to answer your question. Personally I don't mind being asked how many DC I have. What I don't like is when the question is phrased in a certain way with the emphasis on 'just' and 'only' (this is why I put these words in bold in my OP). There is no doubt that if said in this way the implication is that you are somehow lacking, are inferior or have lost out in some way. There are so many positive ways to ask a question - this is definitely not it!

The next problem has always been how to answer it without sounding annoyed or as though you actually did want more DC. This is why I have finally asked for some witty, non-bitter sounding responses .

A bit of a festive response: 'it was good enough for Mary and Joseph'!