Episode 33 - The Orangery - Tea anyone?

[mistlethrush]

The tearoom has traveled back to the Orangery for another visit. There are bluebells in the nearby woods, and Mellors has Earl Grey and Lady Grey ready for some excursions. Mellors has, indeed, been overwintering away from Canada for some reason - I think he's been helping Maud out in the garden. There are tulips out in urns outside, and there are a few tables out in the sunny courtyard for use between showers.

Whether you have one child or several, pull up a chair and share a or a . The only rules remains no fisticuffs.

Sorry to hear of the glooms, Donki and Oxeye. I've been having similar doubts recently about whether I'm here enough for my child and how I can fix that.

::dives into the priest's hole and wrests Cardboard George from Oxeye's grasp::

I would like to thank the nice teenagers who 1. apologized for swearing in front of me & Toddler and then kept the language clean while we were in earshot and then 2. "played football" with Toddler through the alley from the car park to the High Street and making his afternoon for including him in their play.

I would also like to say to the man on the mobile with two big, excitable black labs at the park that your dogs should have been on a leash and you should have acknowledged me & a very frightened Toddler and had better control of your dogs.

That's all.

oh Gaud Maud (or Gawd Mawd) have you? And you are around so much

do you think its time or year or age or stage?

....hmmmm

Hello tearoom ladies! I lost you for a while there. Quite a long while, as it happens.

Hope you are all well and so on!

Can anyone update me in nice précis form to save me reading and promptly forgetting again anyway the entire thread? Has anything major happened to anyone or are you all much as you were last time I saw you?

Things here are plodding along - miniThumb is doing his thing, and apart from suddenly deciding that Daddy's wedding ring would make a good pretend steak, has been fine. The wedding ring episode was very exciting though - choking, calls to Health Direct, ambulance ride to the hospital and an x-ray that I will be saving for his wedding day, ho yes - culminating in 4 days of pooing in the potty until Daddy could find his ring again. Luckily Daddy works for a company that sells gas masks...

Am now about 23w pg, have terrible acid reflux most days (horrifyingly, chocolate cake seems to set it off :() and am very tired but lots of movements now so hopefully all is progessing as it should. Am under High Risk ninja MW team at the hospital because of my Advanced Age and clotting condition, and 2 consultants. Yay me! Still, better too many than too few at this stage. I also have agreed to be a case study for a student MW, poor love - she's going to be kept busy with all my appts!

23 weeks is a good one to get under your belt.... every one from there is another in the right direction (or that's what it felt like to me).

I have been very blase about mc's first 'proper' day at big school (they've had visits, including being bussed up from the small site with existing teachers) but today they are in the new school for a proper drop off. I suggested sharing the hell of school drop off with a friend that lives nearby - but she's offered to do both trips (she doesn't work) and have mc to play for a bit after school. I've suggested to mc that he should look after a couple of his friends who will be in the same class who might appreciate someone friendly - in the hope that this will distract him from feeling himself. Still feel rather crap at total abandonment though!

Tuesday seems to be a day for gloom and misery. I have hurt and offended my closest RL friend and lay awake all night worrying about it and thinking wondering how I could have been so stupid. Two large G&T's before bed because I felt so awful didn't help. Wriggle now seems to be less and less keen on spending time with me and I feel that I am wasting all the time I do have with her .

, this was missing from the above post. Insert where it seems appropriate.

I'm sorry everyone's feeling so rubbish.

We've got the delights of an 'Olympic story' competition. Involving the Olympic mascots. We have got to the stage where I have helped to sow a few seeds and I was helping to 'rough out' the story line with mc so that he could then elaborate and put lots of description etc in (he's good at that when he puts his mind to it). We do have the problem of writing it out - I've said he could either tell me what to write and we'd get it down then he could write it out or we could share the typing. We were just getting onto the second point of the outline when he sloshed his bottle of water onto my (fairly new) laptop. He did all the right things - call for assistance from DH, fetch kitchen paper etc - but then disolved in cross tears - he was really upset with himself for doing it (even though no actual cross words had been spoken). So that was the end of anything productive yesterday after school.

LBD - what do you do with Wriggle when you have the time - is there anything special that you might do that's just for you and Wriggle - eg I will sometimes take mc to the nearby RHS garden without DH (sometimes go with him - but I'm more interested in the garden side than DH and there's plenty to do for mc too so he's happy to go) - its nice to go somewhere 'special' rather than just the norm and have a little bit of a treat. And make sure that you're not just doing all the run of the mill stuff and DH is getting the 'special' things but none of the chores.

When DH is there, he wants to be involved in everything. He never insists on standards ie if I ask her to lay the table and she whines, he does it, or praises throwing three teaspoons on the table. Playing with Papa would always take priority over reading her reading book with me. Don't mean to moan; it's just how he is, after a very strict and unloving childhood himself. As you say, he does the fun and I do the 'work'. Although I would much much rather do her handwriting than pretend to be a kitten.

Ah - so you're 'bad cop' - not an ideal situation. I think that mc is rather a mummy's boy - but that's not because I don't do the homework etc with him too. Actually its because I do want to spend time with him now, whilst he's still small(ish) - so if I do bedtime most nights and also spend more time with him at the weekend I'm not going to complain - I have to watch it going the other way because when ds is being hard work, DH tends to suggest ways of splitting up so that I am in charge of DS and he's doing something else (admittedly something else that needs doing, but still....) Is there any time when he's not around that you could be good cop too?

Actually - I wonder whether you could call their bluff. If she gets praised for throwing 3 teaspoons on the table, what would happen if you started acting in the same way? Does H know how this makes you feel? I'm presuming he does and does it anyway. What would happen if you don't do the reading with her? What would happen if you played with her rather than get the supper ready? If the answer is that there wouldn't be any supper - shock horror! When would H notice?

I am really lucky, I know, with DH in that we have consistent standards - so if we ask him to do something to help and he asks 'why' the stock answer from both of us is 'because I asked you to'.

I think, to be fair to DH, that he doesn't know what a 5 year old can do. He doesn't work in a school or spend time at the school gate, go to mother and toddler groups, etc. He is just so astonished with the amazing phenomenon that is Wriggle that anything she does is worthy of praise. I probably forget to appreciate her enough. Consistency is getting better, since I nag on and on about it.

Would saying that indiscriminate praise means nothing - and is hardly any better than no praise at all - resonate with M Serpent? Could he relate that to his own childhood?

Hugs all round.

I'm going to have a nice sit down with Mellors and the bolly. Have just had v distressing conversation with my mum where she was talking about killing herself Not sure she really knew what she was saying tbh

Oh dear, Cmot. Mellors is on hand with a pile of fluffy white towels, some aromatherapy oils and a reassuring smile on his face.

Well, been to the CAMHS appointment. They have decided that there are enough boxes ticked to refer the YD for a multidisciplinary assessment.

It's good and bad really. I wish that it wasn't needed. It makes me feel better that it is NOT all me imagining stuff. And of course we now have to join yet another waiting list...

I think I've missed some of the background here, Donki, but I'm sure you're right that it is a curate's egg. Nobody welcomes the news that their child has additional needs, but if CAMHS can help meet those needs - or put you on the path to getting those needs met - that has to be good.

::proffers carrot cake and a bracing snifter of carrot brandy::

Thumb how could I have missed you were 23 weeks and counting! Congratulations, I know how long you have been waiting and hoping, as Mistle said, all downhill now!

CMOT that is bleak, so so sorry

Donki at least you have taken the first step to understanding and help?
((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))) to all in the T room

Thank you oxeye :) - probably because I've been MIA for a while!

Donki - agree that it's a bit of a double edged sword - but at least you might be able to access more help for him now.

CMOTD - so sorry that your mum is talking like that, even if she is doing it while confused - horrible to listen to, so :(.

LaBelleDame - sounds like M.Serp is overcompensating for his own shitty childhood. Can't remember - is he having or has he ever had counselling for that? Might benefit him. I agree with Maud that too much praise for trivia becomes somehow unimportant, he needs to work out when it's appropriate and use accordingly. Hard for you though :(

Donki - I would take this as a positive step forward - with the right help in place he's likely to be happier and more successful - and we know from Amber that you can go far notwithstanding having fairly significant issues. Talking of which, I need to go back to the Dr to see whether there is any help for mc as his teacher also has confirmed that we shouldn't let it lie.

After all the wobbles about junior school, mc today said he didn't want to go back to existing school - he wanted to go to Junior school NOW! He has a male teacher who is relatively young, sporty and fun - and class size has dropped too - so I'm hoping that things will go smoothly into next term ()

CMot - I will chase up the ex school 'friend' of mine who is local to see what assistance might be available potentially.

LBD - I think that's a very interesting point put by others - what does he do if she has actually done something really good - if he praises something that's so lack-lustre. We've had to be quite careful of this - because, for instance, re hand writing, mc's is fairly messy - although it's getting quicker. However, quite a few of the (mainly girls in the) class have very neat handwriting. So we have to explain that whilst he's not going to win the prize for the best handwriting, we can still praise him for good hand writing when its good 'for him'. Other things (like arguing) are able to be judged against others much more fairly.

Ugh. I feel like Chicken Little. "The sky is falling!" Dull headache, feel completely exhausted and like my brains have leaked out my ears.

::Shuffles up to make room for Jacksmania, as half the tea room is down here now::

Ooof!

Hmm, nothing seems to be going too fantastically for anyone. Could it be something to do with the misplaced Gulf Stream, perhaps, depressing all the energies around? Apart from Thumb, of course, who is imune from that in the Antipodes.

CMOT, I am so sorry. Who is supporting you, absorbing all of this?

Donki, this really should be the first step in the right direction; all positive really. Just maybe requires a mental shift, which takes time and patience.

To everyone who has shared their ideas re indescriminate praise, Wriggle actually feels that she is 'rubbish' at everything, particularly the academic. This certainly shows that too much praise does not instill self confidence. Admittedly, she is 'behind' in academic areas, even compared with the children in her year group. Partly, I feel, because she is so bloody pig headed that she will only do things her way (now I will feel really guilty when she is diagnosed with SN and gets lots of help and sympathy).

MT, what are they suggesting about MC?

Now, on a slightly more cheerful note, I hope, what ideas have you got for Wriggle's chosen 'Butterflies and Beetles' party at home next month? Apart from praying for sun, since our house is far too small for her wish list of 13 chldren and their possible parents?

Oxeye, what plans has Oxboy for next month?

Maud ::clasps to bosom, along with JM::