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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

It has happened. I'm broody. shit.

99 replies

Bingtata · 23/10/2010 19:26

We have decided. Only 1. I have been militant about it, laughed in the faces of people who smugly told me I would change my mind.

Something has happened to my hormones, I've started cooing at babies and I quite fancy one. Eek, has it happened? Can I just ignore it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ragged · 23/10/2010 19:45

Could you just get a puppy instead? I'd try that first. :)

doozle · 23/10/2010 22:28

Ooh how long has it been going on?

I've had it before and then it went away after about a week. Then we were back to Only 1.

You have to see if it's an ongoing thing.

blametheparents · 23/10/2010 22:46

How old is your DC?

Thinkit happens to a lot of people.
We have 2, and have always said no more, but I have been feeling broody recently and I have put it down to my youngest being 5 and in Year 1 and they are just getting so grown up - sob!

ramyr · 23/10/2010 22:52

How old are you - if you don't mind me asking! I've been told this might happen to me - it's hormonal - sort of last-chance baby thing?

Original poster

Bingtata · 23/10/2010 22:56

Ragged - A kitten would actually be our thing, but we are renting so not allowed at the moment, although I would get one like a shot if we could.

doozle - it has come before and I always end up back with Only 1 It hasn't been very often, and I have discussed it with DH on occasion and we always end up with Only 1 too. I certainly don't seem to feel stongly enough to push the point. It feels more like 'Well I could, so should I?' 'It might be nice' or 'I might enjoy it more second time around'.

DD (4.4) certainly doesn't want a baby sibling and tells me so regularly, although she would like an older brother but that one is not in my power!

OP posts:

Original poster

Bingtata · 23/10/2010 22:59

Sorry cross posting as half watching telly!

blametheparents - DD is starting school after Christmas, so I suppose it could be closing that baby/toddler/preschooler chapter. Actually that has made me quite teary, so you could be on to something there.

Ramyr, I turned 30 last week, so I not sure I'm at the last chance stage yet?

OP posts:

doozle · 23/10/2010 23:02

You're situation sounds similar to mine and also have one DD exactly the same age.

I do occasionally get this and sometimes think I'll regret it later if I don't go for it.

But then always come back to the Only 1 thing again - usually after we get a broken night's sleep or a mega-tantrum!

doozle · 23/10/2010 23:04

Your

Original poster

Bingtata · 23/10/2010 23:15

Oh yes doozle, the broken nights sleep is definately a factor for us too, DD is a terrible sleeper and sleepwalks and talks too.

It is hard when you think you might regret it later, but when I was thinking about it today, I never get that feeling of our family missing another child that I have heard other people describe. It is hard to find other people who understand the whole only child thing too. I don't suppose you are in the SW are you doozle

OP posts:

doozle · 23/10/2010 23:25

I know exactly what you mean! I am the only person I know who feels like this. You mean SW England or SW London?

A couple of my friends have onlies but not by choice. Vast majority have two or more. So I like a bit of an oddity.

I don't want another but do have the odd bout of ambivalence thrown in for good measure.

Original poster

Bingtata · 23/10/2010 23:33

SW England

Yes, I think it is ambivalence, because it doesn't break my heart or anything, but it is just the idea that I could. Yet on the other hand I was trying to convince DH to have a vasectomy only last month?! Pah.

OP posts:

doozle · 23/10/2010 23:41

Ah no, not near there, afraid. Shame as be great to meet like-minded others.

It's funny how you can your feelings can swing so drastically, isn't it?

Am definitely in Only 1 mode at the moment. In fact, only today I was thinking how hard it was when DD was a toddler. The thought of doing it again brings me out in a sweat.

But other times, I can think "Ah you never know what it might be like next time".

Unlikely that I'd ever go for it though. Our lives are so nice with just one. And DD is such a delight these days.

Mbear · 23/10/2010 23:49

Dh and I decided before ds was born that he would be a onesy. He is only 13mo, but if I think of him having a sibling, I just seems weird! But friends described that desire that their child should have a sibling - I just wonder if it is some urge that I will get, or more likely, something that will just float past me.

I think there is a sort of romanticism to the thought of a second. And I agree that it is difficult to talk to people who understand that 1 is just fine, thank you!

doozle · 24/10/2010 08:41

Mbear, has everyone started asking you if you're going to have another yet?

WallowsInFlies · 24/10/2010 08:46

around 30 is when my hormones went into overdrive and i went from, i don't think i'll have children to, i want a baby! so maybe it's that.

i'm a one only mum too. i go through the broody phase occasionally but it always passes and it feels a bit like coming back to sanity where i can clearly see what i was going through and feel like thank goodness it's passed.

but then only one is the right decision for us. don't know if it is for you. but you've still got plenty of time so just wait and see if it passes or keeps returning.

Mbear · 24/10/2010 09:18

Everyone asked whilst i was still pregnant when we would have a second! We have also been militant from the get go about what we wanted in terms of family size. I think people hope might change our mind (or even assume that after ds we just would).

We don't have some kind of long term plan, but we had ds when I was 30 and dh 38. Dh is an only child. There was 5 years between me and my brother, so if we were to consider another dc, I think a bigger age gap is better (what I am used to n all) but that would make me around 35 ish and dh 43 - not a problem per se, but I have found this hard enough, so thinking about all the tiredness in an older me seems to always put me off!

WallowsInFlies · 24/10/2010 10:02

it's the tiredness for me too Mbear.

i'm nearly 35 and had ds at 31. i'm single and wouldn't do it solo but even if i did get together with someone the very idea of coping with a toddler in my 40's is offputting enough to make me ignore those hormonal urges.

a 3 yr old at 35 is tiring enough! i'd need amphetamines to do it in 40's.

Original poster

Bingtata · 24/10/2010 10:36

This morning I tried visualising how I would feel if I got a postive pregnancy test. The result - hyperventilation and horror, so I'm guessing that hormones could well be at the bottom of all this, tricky little beggars.

Maybe I do need a puppy.

OP posts:

ValiumSkeleton · 24/10/2010 10:38

I have a theory. No matter how many you have, one or five, that broody hormonal voice telling you to procreate again is loudest between your youngest child's 2nd and third year. SO if you can get past that..........

Mbear · 24/10/2010 10:49

I think that it is one of the few situations where your head thinks one thing and your body another and you know what you 'decided' is right, yet assume that if you get broody, that decision is wrong! Soooo annoying!

No puppies here, but we have rabbits!

Simbacat · 24/10/2010 10:53

I have 2 - I adore them both-I can honestly say that I would be just as happy if I had had only one.

My dh had a vasectomy-he came from a big family- and two was his limit- I knew that if he didn't when I got broody or a bit bored at work I would probably have had another 'little accident' (and another). There have been many times at which I have thought-oh I wish I could have another baby (much more so as I passed 40). But I couldn't. Sometimes having a baby is an easy option (and not having onevis much harder).

These feelings pass (honestly). You don't need another baby just because you feel a bit broody.

I am now 42 and my children are mid teens. My friends are having their own personal 40 plus baby boom. I am not at all jealous. In 7 years mine will have left home and We will be entering another and hopefully just as exciting stage of our lives.

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 24/10/2010 10:57

I understand that some can only have one and that some people only want one but there's mush research out there to suggest that having only one is not so good for long term outcomes. It is research not a tablet of stone and I'm sure most people do lots to combat these things, but the research still states the same.

WallowsInFlies · 24/10/2010 10:58

i think you have to think of it like you think of pmt.

it's a passing thing that distorts your thoughts/feelings etc but feels utterly real and rational at the time.

it passes and you go back to normal again.

PosieComeHereMyPreciousParker · 24/10/2010 10:59

I have as many as I want, and do not feel broody at all. Why ignore your body when it could be a great thing for your family?

Why would a child say they don't want a sibling? Isn't that a little alarming? or indoctrinated?

littlebabynothing · 24/10/2010 11:05

Posie - I'd be interested in reading the research you mentioned, or a summary if you have a link?

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