It has happened. I'm broody. shit.

[Bingtata]

We have decided. Only 1. I have been militant about it, laughed in the faces of people who smugly told me I would change my mind.

Something has happened to my hormones, I've started cooing at babies and I quite fancy one. Eek, has it happened? Can I just ignore it?

seems like MN went off line when I was trying to post that last post saying that I just noticed this was one parent families, which means noone is up for debate on that.

I'm looking now....it was referenced recently on Bringing up Britain....

posie what are you on about? I have to say this constant 'being an only is bad for you' nonsense is very irritating: I am an only and have had to put up with it my whole life (e.g. I am selfish, unable to share, self-centred etc etc etc). My DP comes from a family of 6, and at least 3 of her siblings demonstrate these negative traits to a considerable degree.

I know this thread is about someone who has made a specific choice to have an only, but there are many of us for whom it isn't a choice and we just have to make the best of it in the face of 'research'/prejudice/silly comments.

In so many ways being an only is great: if only it weren't for the preconceptions that people form about you/your child :(

here is the program

driving.....I don't think it's just the selfish thing actually, it's life experience and being able to negotiate a whole host of things that a person benefits from by being a sibling. In addition when parents (older parents in most of our cases) get old an only child shoulders that burden alone.

I have qualified my statement with the fact that some people can't help but to do it. And I have also explained that I didn't see this was the only child section.

Indeed, driving - the only thing that seems any worse for an only child is adults labelling them before they've had the chance to prove otherwise!

I say that also as one of 6, of which certain siblings are more selfish/unable to share/ self centred/blah blah blah than any only child I know (quite unlike yours truly of course

If anything I think much about being a sibling forces you to look out for number one.

Mumi....absolute rubbish, you can't say there are no rules on behaviour for an only child but there are for siblings....

Jeez.

nothing wrong with only children.

my ds says he doesn't want a brother/sister too, no programming or anything weird or dodgy about it. i used to gently probe now and then and he'd always say, no i want a cat. we now have a cat.

i've known some great only child adults. i've also seen children in a bigger family and they have it written all over them that they'd have been happier as only children but find it hard to thrive in their set up. others who do great with siblings. people who hate their siblings and have received the most abuse in their life from them. others who are totally bound to their siblings, sometimes positively, sometimes worryingly. there are personality types and temperaments that factor into this like any other issue.

oh and ds has 3 cousins who sees a lot of, they're his family. it's not all nuclear, people have different networks and set ups and ways to provide things.

"Mumi....absolute rubbish, you can't say there are no rules on behaviour for an only child but there are for siblings....'

Well it's a good job that I didn't say there were any rules at all for either then isn't it Posie ?

• marking my place because I very much need to be reminded of why having a baby wouldn't be the Perfect Dream my hormones seem to be depicting

well the point about having to care for elderly parents is true, but ime in larger families this burden is not exactly evenly shared and usually falls disproportionately on one sibling - at least when you're an only you know that it's your responsibility and there's no potential for rows, resentment, falling out. As the parent of an only (probably, not by choice) I think it is incumbent upon me to make the best possible provision for my old age, so that DD's life is not taken over by my needs later in life.

Oh and Posie I see that you are unwilling to concede the selfishness point "I don't think it's just the selfish thing actually". Perhaps I should really examine myself a little harder to discover my inner selfishness. I think the point about personalities (and dare one say it, parenting) is well made. I think parents of onlies are often very conscious of the need to ensure that their children form good and healthy relationships with their peers, of the 'spoilt' stereotype (me, an only, always had to tidy up, make my bed, help with household chores, only had occasional treats/sweets etc; DP, one of 6 - all adults now who literally sit on their arses while their mother runs around, washes, cooks, cleans around them. Who is the person who helps her out? Yup, me, the "selfish" only child), and of the need to pull back from investing too many expectations in their child. I don't know a parent of an only who hasn't thought about all these things and taken pro-active steps to deal with them.

But I am weary of this argument, truly

If anything I think much about being a sibling forces you to look out for number one. MUMI

Not unwilling to concede, just saying that being selfish isn't reserved for only children (loathe the 'onlies' term, who thought that up?) and it isn't the only thing that children without siblings are accused of. Of course birth order, number of siblings and even what time of year you're born can have an affect on who you are, all things being equal. A child that doesn't have to fight for their parents attention or, on a daily basis, be considerate of another child in a relationship that only a sibling can offer is going to have a different life experience. Not all about having one child is negative there are loads of positive things, it's just that if it is out of choice there are things to consider including the research that suggests having siblings is better for children in general.

And if you're going to talk about being bored with the selfish only child thing perhaps you shouldn't be posting it, I did not mention the spoilt only child thing....you did.

Everything I wanted to say has been said by drivingmissdaisy.

Birth order, sibling status etc are not destiny.

posie: "seems like MN went off line when I was trying to post that last post saying that I just noticed this was one parent families, which means noone is up for debate on that."

now you've noticed why not give it a rest?

this is the one child families section. would you go on the sn section to talk against sn? or go on the lone parents section to talk about how wrong you think single parents are?

grip.

just because I am bored with it doesn't mean that it shouldn't be challenged; there are lots of other things that I am weary of fighting about too, but still think that they are worth the debate. It's just that Posy you have a particular view, which is fine, my point is that these kinds of preconceptions can actually be quite painful to the individuals about whom they are formed.

And for the record I did not say that only children are spoiled - there were scare quotes around it and I said it was a stereotype. But I think Wallows has it!

Wallows....actually the OP was admitting that she has a will to have another baby and I'm not sure this board is the right place to say so. I wouldn't ever advise anyone how to get through being broody, without really good reasons I don't think it's entirely possible.

If you stop addressing me I won't post, but I do have a little kick back when I feel I'm being told to do something....comes from being a younger sibling. And I'm not saying you're wrong to have one child both my sister and I married only children, her DH is the most charming, thoughtful, successful, delightful, paternal, respectful husband you could wish to meet....mine is not.

Posie, I appreciate that link, but I've also done some research - I have read books, articles and spoken first hand to individuals and it seems that there can be benefits to having/being an "only". There can also possibly be drawbacks. Same with having 2 or more. :)

It's all down to the individual family and what works for them. Nothing wrong with either choice. Different strokes for different folks.

I have a sibling. I have one child. And I'm staying with 1. We have many, many reasons, but I do not need to justify myself on here by listing them. He's neither spoilt or selfish beyond the expectations for his age (2).

I think it's great some families have 2 dc. Or 3, 4, 5, 6 or more! I also think it's great that families have 1 dc. Whatever works. As long as you are good parents and teach and raise your children well, they will be fine.

FWIW, I'm a teacher and it is not always obvious who comes from a one child or two child or multiple child family. I used to think it was, but it's just not. I find myself guessing incorrectly all the time at the start of the year (before I've looked at their records). The stereotype doesn't hold true. It's just a stereotype :)

driving, I don't think people buy into to the lazy stereotype anymore at all, but research talks about more subtle differences that are recognised through thorough research. Forewarned is forearmed and all that. I have four children 6 years age gap from oldest to youngest. Often I don't have enough time for each, my friends with one child have more time from homework, reading, cuddles in bed without leaving anyone out, afford private education etc.

Anyway I'm off......I'm joining the thread for women married to arseholes with four children thread......

and the one where people use the same word twice in the same sentence, a lot.

imho one's will and one's hormones are two entirely different things. it's one of the benefits of evolution.

x posted.

one child no husband here posie. works for us. we're a happy family. hope you can be too. no sarcasm there, whatever's going on i hope you make a positive outcome.

You haven't met me when I have PMT.

{grin]

but it passes - that was my analogy with pmt before. you wouldn't make a major life changing (for you and your child and a potential new life) decision whilst premenstrual so i don't think that in the throws of a broody patch is the best time to decide either.

thanks...must remember to look at section titles next time.

i don't think they have an 4kids and an arsehole section yet. there's always relationships but you know what the answer will be.