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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Only child asking for siblings

16 replies

Oresteia · 22/09/2010 20:33

Hello,
Wondered if anyone was experiencing an only child asking for siblings (a lot!)

I have 1 DD, aged 4. She is not an only by choice BUT I've never made any comment about that in front of her & we've always been very positive about our family and explained lots of families do different things & some families have 1 little person, some families have 2 little people etc.

Thanks in advance.

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madrose · 22/09/2010 20:40

We are exactly in the same situation and it got worst when her friends started have siblings. So i sort of told her the truth (she's 5.5 now) in a very simple way, that i would love more babies, but it couldn't happen, and ended up telling her that I'm luckiest mummy in the world as I have her.

She seems to have absorbed the information, it doesn't stop her from wishing, but she now gives me a cuddle and a kiss and tells me 'you've always got me mummy'

Original poster

Oresteia · 22/09/2010 20:55

Aw that's lovely of her.

It's definitely, as you say, friends having siblings. We have a round of 3rd babies at the mo which I think makes it even harder for her, she said yesterday "but XXXs now got another baby!!!" like this was totally unfair (wink).

When she was tiny it was adults who regularly asked (sometimes quite directly!)when I was having "the next" but I was a bit taken by surprised when she herself began to ask.

OP posts:

CMOTdibbler · 22/09/2010 20:59

It's only because other people have them - ds asks for a baby brother in rotation with a dog and a pony. He has much ,more chance of a pony tbh

kreecherlivesupstairs · 24/09/2010 09:26

DD is an only and happy now. When she was about 4 she started asking for a sibling. Me and DH got quite a long way down the adoption route in Thailand before we realised we were doing it for the wrong reason. DD seemed relieved when we told her it wasn't going to happen.

DontCallMeBaby · 24/09/2010 17:12

DD has been wishing recently that she had a big sister - given that that really IS impossible, it's helped me put the occasional comment about babies into perspective.

Acinonyx · 26/09/2010 23:23

Dd is 5 and asks regularly. I have told her that my tummy can't make another baby. She still asks and wants more details which I am not ready to give her yet. I have said that we were more likely to have no dc than more than 1!

sweetie66 · 06/10/2010 13:25

DD is 6 and since starting school, has been asking for a sibling. I think this is because at school she had suddenly become aware of siblings in ohter years.

One day we were in the car and she asked again. I explained that Mummy was ill and that my illness had affected her heart and that is why we cannot have a baby.

She asked a few questions about what was wrong with me and why it had affected her and why it would affect a baby and then went quiet sort of taking it all in.

Then in a quiet voice she just said "I would make a great big sister" I just broke down crying. We would have loved another child but due to medical problems just cannot.

She still asks every now and again but if someone asks her she will tell them she cannot have a brother or sister because Mummy is sick!

I do keep telling her all families are different and that she is special as we got to have her.

Acekicker · 09/10/2010 10:52

Starting school does trigger a bit of phase of requesting siblings as they suddenly start to see/meet brothers and sisters.

Honestly (and this is speaking as a 3rd generation only who also has an only) I tend to put it in the same bracket as wanting a dog, fish, allthelegominifigsevermade, some other piece of plastic tat etc etc. Kids ask for things all the time, they don't get all of them and in my experience the requests fizzle out quite quickly, the same as other requests.

I tend to just explain that we're not having any more that we're happy with our family as we are. I guess I'm lucky because I can counter the 'but everyone has a brother/sister' with a list of lots of other onlies but even if I don't do that the questioning tends to peter out quite quickly.

zoekinson · 12/02/2011 15:02

My 4 year old used to ask a lot, when her frends got sisters. i just told her that i left it tolate to have more than one and that i cant make babies anymore, my tummy doesent work anymore. we extended her bedroom and appeled to her selfish side by asking if she wanted to share it.
these put together seem to of stoped her asking, we have also made it clear that she can have as many babies as she likes and we will help her look after them.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud · 13/02/2011 17:17

My dd used to ask (although occasionally, not a lot) when she was about four. I agree it's an age thing as lots of their peers are acquiring younger siblings. Now, five years later, she's gloating because friends with siblings are envious of her single child no-siblings-to-annoy-her-and-trash-her-stuff status. Everything goes in cycles, doesn't it?

Ragwort · 13/02/2011 17:20

My DS used to ask occasionally - we have chosen not to have another DC so I appreciate that our situation is not the same as not being able to have another child - I tend to point out the advantages to being an only child and he usually ends up agreeing with us !

TheCowardlyLion · 13/02/2011 17:21

DS doesn't ask any more; he is old enough to recognise that our family is our family, iyswim, and - as Maud says - to appreciate his space. We are lucky though; several of his friends are onlies too and he really can see that families come in all shapes and sizes.

TheCowardlyLion · 13/02/2011 17:21

Ragwort - we chose too.

samay · 19/02/2011 05:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

shelscrape · 19/02/2011 06:07

My DS is 6 now. From time to time he would ask when his brother or sister would come. truth is, the early menopause hit me - could have another with endless drugs and intervention I suppose - and I wasn't desperate for another DC. So, we have always told him we love him very much, there won't another and just because you want a baby your don't always get one. he was OK with this, a lot of his friends were ony children.

However, we moved to NZ about a month ago and it is very unusual to have single child families here. Only one other child in his class at school is an only child. Most others come from families of 3 or 4 children. So, we are back to the questions and upset from him again. I get very sad for him, he would make a lovely older brother - he puts his case very well and says he would share toys and help with a baby. I loved having a little brother and my DH was one of 3, so hopefully DS will accept the position again and we will have to throw him into activities like Keas (NZ version of Beavers) to keep him occupied.

gallifrey · 21/02/2011 21:19

My daughter who is 7 has been asking for a brother or sister for ages now. She came home one day from school and told me she was the only only child in her class! (she was right) and then she went on to say that we don't know anyone else who is an only child.

When I found out I was pregnant again she was so happy bless her!

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