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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

"Ooh I expect mornings are so easy in your house with just one child"

54 replies

DrNortherner · 17/09/2010 18:20

Said my new neighbour yesterday morning as we met outside whilst bundling our kids into the car for the school run (I have one she has 2)

I just smiled sweetly but would love a little something I can say back at her. She is lovely but has made a fair few comments regarding me having just 1 child.

Is it just me or is this a bit rude?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BooBooGlass · 17/09/2010 18:22

She was making conversation. And tbh, it's probably true

YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch · 17/09/2010 18:24

Yeah, it's rude, but I think it too while I'm taking my 3 to three different schools/nurseries of a morning.

Sorry.

I wouldnt say it to you though :)

LilQueenie · 17/09/2010 18:24

Unless she has 2 kids of the same age you woud think she knew the answer to her own question having been there at one point

ramonaquimby · 17/09/2010 18:25

i think this also ....... would NEVER EVER say it

JiggeryPopery · 17/09/2010 18:32

I wouldn't say it tbh.

But that's because I'm aware that sometimes people only have one child when they'd love to have more but can't. And I know that kind of remark would be dreadfully hurtful if that were the case, so I would presume nothing and say nothing.

GlendaSugarbean · 17/09/2010 18:34

When I just had one I found it hard getting her out of the house. There is no such thing as "mornings are so easy" with anything more than 0 children. Now I have two children I do think it would be easier with just one to organise, but it's not like I was having long lazy baths and reading the paper over breakfast before dc2 was born.

Original poster

DrNortherner · 17/09/2010 18:35

"Ooh I expect mornings are so relaxed in your house with you not having a job to get to"

Probably true also, but I wouldn't say it.

OP posts:

FloraFinching · 17/09/2010 18:37

I've had this said to me - by SAHMs of 2 school aged children. Surely getting my one DC to nursery at 7.50 then sprinting to work might just be as tricky as getting 2 older children to school at 8.50.

FloraFinching · 17/09/2010 18:37

x posted!

cluelessnchaos · 17/09/2010 18:38

To be honest mornings are easier in my house now that kids are a bit older, easier than when I had 2 under 5 (have 3 over 5 now)

doozle · 17/09/2010 18:51

I have one child and don't think it would bother me if someone said this (but then I'm not wanting another child).

I'd prob think "Not easy but definitely easier than getting 2 ready".

GlendaSugarbean · 17/09/2010 18:54

Mornings are really relaxed round our gaff because I don't have a job to get to. Very true. Not remotely offensive. :)

zandy · 17/09/2010 19:06

Not offensive at all. Merely a statement of assumed fact. With a hint of envy.

JimJammum · 17/09/2010 20:39

"Yes, which is why I'm only having one."

AandO · 17/09/2010 22:16

I wouldn't find it rude, I would just say or at least think 'yes, that's one of the many reasons I love having just one'!!

ASmallBunchOfFlowers · 17/09/2010 23:29

It was a bit rude and naive but it was probably her attempt at friendly banter.

I am sure that getting two children ready for school is more work than getting one ready, but I'm not sure it's twice as much work, IYSWIM. Once you're standing there yelling "have you got your PE kit ... no I don't know where your sweatshirt is ... what do you mean you forgot to do your homework?" you might as well do it for two children as one. Anyway, I digress.

If she was repeatedly making these comments and I didn't want to make friends with her, I might say something like "Yes,, life is much more civilised [knowing look] with one". But otherwise I would Rise Serenely Above It.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 17/09/2010 23:36

I wouldn't be so harsh on her.

It IS easier with one.

Sounds like she's trying to be friendly. New neighbour and all that? Cut her some slack, change the subject and chat about something else.

DilysPrice · 17/09/2010 23:46

Assume goodwill+slight thoughtlessness unless proved otherwise - a friendly neighbour is worth her weight in gold.

DeborahDeborah · 17/09/2010 23:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickOfTime · 17/09/2010 23:52

she's probably harassed, exhausted and envious to heck.

it sounds as though she's honestly admitting how hard she finds it and reaching out to a friendly face.

a smile and nod suffices admirably - a 'would you like to pop round for a coffee once you've got rid of them?' would be even better.

ASmallBunchOfFlowers · 18/09/2010 00:02

Yes, Deborah, it probably is. But this sort of competitive point-scoring parenting - "I've got it harder than you because I've got more children/got a job/whatever it might be" is too simplistic and, well, not very nice.

I agree with Dilys that having a friendly neighbour is priceless. But if the new neighbour is making lots of these patronising remarks in a way which suggests she isn't actually very friendly or nice, rather than one chance comment, then I think OP is at liberty to choose whether to ignore or be equally snippy back.

sunnydelight · 23/09/2010 07:57

I'm sure she was just being friendly, but thoughtless comments irritate me too. I would never make a comment like that because for all she knows you might be desperately longing for the chaos of four but not be able to have any more!

HSMM · 23/09/2010 08:11

I often look at other people (negotiating football and ballet, sibling squabbles, etc) and thank my lucky stars that I only have one child . I would just say, 'Yes', smile and go on your way (even if you have been fighting a raging battle all morning).

GenevieveHawkings · 24/09/2010 17:56

"Ooh I expect mornings are so easy in your house with just one child"

Very true and not remotely offensive in my book.

Why not saying in response, "yes they are, more mug you for having more than one!!!"

GenevieveHawkings · 24/09/2010 17:59

Also meant to say, comments like tis will only niggle you if you want more than one child but can't have one for one reason or another. Does your new neighbour necesasrily know that you want more?

As an "only by choice-er" a comment like this wouldn't even remotely register on the irritation scale with me.

So in answer to your original question, no, your neighbour isn't rude at all really and it is just you.

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