"Ooh I expect mornings are so easy in your house with just one child"

[DrNortherner]

Said my new neighbour yesterday morning as we met outside whilst bundling our kids into the car for the school run (I have one she has 2)

I just smiled sweetly but would love a little something I can say back at her. She is lovely but has made a fair few comments regarding me having just 1 child.

Is it just me or is this a bit rude?

I think you are being very over sensitive about this and I do really think it was just an attempt at making conversation - people always always comment that I have so many children (4 dcs) - sometimes things they say are a bit crass I guess but honestly should we read so much into people just making conversation????

And it is easier with one.

So I agree with Genevieve, neighbour is not being rude and it is just you.

It depends on how said I think, and for me, how I am feeling about the fact that I can't have a second.

I think some people do say things about their life being harder a lot though, and do it as some form of commpetitive thing - like thy=ey are the hardest worked and all that. If coming from one of those type of peopleit would niggle me.

Having one child can have its advantages and makes some aspects of life easier - but there are disadvantages too, ones which make life a bit harder than people who have more than one - not all the time, just some of the time. Having one often means you have more entertaining to do for example.

Trust me when I tell you having one child is easier, I used to have just one so I believe this to be so.

That said, I have four and although I am knackered I think most mummies are anyway - it is par for the course no?

Mainly people always say to me how hard it must be to have so many (one is only 6 weeks old) and two have disabilities and special diets etc etc, however, I found that after two it was saturation point but I don't bother to be offended by peoples comments.

To be honest you are sensitive about this but don't overlay that on your neighbour making a throwaway comment - there are lots of things to be offended by in this world and this is not one of them.

agree with woolymindy, it's easier and that's why I have one! Most people don't set out to offend. I'm confortable with the fact that for now, one is my limit and I acknowledge that this is the best situation for my abilities. Similarly, other women make great mums of more, I've just recognised my skills lie with one.

I think you're being over sensistive. She was probably making chit chat, especially as she doesn't know you so well yet.

Of course it's easier with one. It stands to reason. I don't think there is any hidden nastiness or smugness in a person pointing that out. I feel lucky to just ave one when I see my druge of a neighbour slaving away like a hamster in a wheel looking after with her 4! I certainly wouldn't want her life and I'm sure that equally, she wouldn't want mine either! It's horses for courses.

You could say that you have to do more entertaining with one but that's not necessarily the case. You could just as easily say that with more than one you have to spend a lot of time sorting out their petty squabbles and fights and being constantly interrupted having to listen to all the endless tit telling that goes on but that's not necesarily the case either.

I think if a peson has a touchy subject or a bit of a chip on their shoulder about something then they will inevitably always be super sensitive about it. They will always pick up on things that other people say as purely throwaway comments and read into things that aren't really there.

well, they are pretty easy, but thats coz my one doesn't wake up till 8am and I don't yet have to get him to school every day. My siL has more than 1 who also wake at that sort of time and are home schooled , so their mornings are pretty laid back too.
Friend who has one that wakes at 5.30.... she finds mornings hard.

It is easier! I agree with the other posters - I think she was just passing the time of day.

Tell you what, you can borrow my 3 for a while (take your time, no rush to get them back) and see what you think

Easier with one?? Maybe in the mornings, but not all the time. ONE needs constant parental attention, two or more can entertain each other (when they aren't fighting!!).

I think it also depends on circumstances. My friend has almost 3 year old twins and a 9 month old, but does bugger all in her house!! Her DP does everything and when he isn't doing it, her mum or MIl is, I mean she plays with them but not house hold stuff at all. Whereas I have one but do EVERYTHING around the house as well as look after DS all day every day. Even now when she is off on maternity her poor DP is MADE to do certain things even though he is at work FT, she does live the life of riley believe me!

"ONE needs constant parental attention"

Why do people think this?

Two or more children are not always easy - it's a common misconception, usually held by people with one child who is usually under 5. There's an idealised notion that two or more siblings will always get on harmoniously and never be bored.

I have neices and nephews and you'd be quite surprised at the lengths they go to to get out of one anothers way. Up to a certain age they will play nicely together but after that you can often forget it.

I have one DS and he is equally able to play well with other children and amuse himself too. My same age nephew on the other hand has an older sister who can't wait to get away from him and then he constantly annoys his mother when he's bored! I, on the other hand, often don't know my DS is in the house because he's used to his own company and knows how to amuse himself and is happy to do so. If there are other kids around to play with, great but if there isn't it certainly isn't the signal for a chorus of "I'm bored!!"!

Bear wth it, only children can appear to need "constant parental attention" when they are small but mark my words, they grow out of it and one day you will find you have a child who is happy to mix with others but equaly happy and able to amuse themselves.

What could be better?!!

I don't think she is saying anything rude, and it's probably also true.

So your mornings are nicer than your neighbours, just be happy!

Just put your head on one side, smile patronisingly and say 'yes, it is easier, that is why I chose to have only one, perhaps you shouldn't have chosen to have two children if it is so hard'

I think your neighbour is a harassed mum who like many mums doesn't feel she is getting any credit for what she is doing day in day out. She might have liked a response in that vein like "i know, i don't know how you manage it".

Sometimes it's only other mums who appreciate how hard it can be!

Why do people say that having two is as easy as one?

they help each other - entertain each other - keep each other company - if you are cooking for one you might as well have two .......etc I've heard it all ......

Mornings maybe more hectic with more than one - but one is just as intense all the rest of the time.

Not really? You might be able to put two of them in the bath at once but you still need to get two out and into pyjamas. You still need to argue with two over what they are eating, put two coats on, get two in and out of the car. Saying that I personally didn't find that the work doubled or tripled but it was certainly more. I know now when I just take one it is a lot easier.

I find that in terms of playing with each other it kind of balances itself out - they do play with each other which gives me a break but then they also fight fiercly which is more work!

Mornings can be a nightmare in my house, and we have one. DS has to be at nursery for half seven, then me at work and DH at work by 8. I think having two to get ready would drive me insane.

Her comment probably wasn't as offensive as when I told a friend with two boys (and a third on the way) 'whenever I am struggling with DS I think of you and how easy I have it'. Oops. She was not amused . Mind you, now she has 4 boys and looks as stressed as hell.

I suppose it al depends on the child. I can well believe that certain only children are harder than some sets of two and vice versa. Also depends on your approach to parenting, how laid back you are. As for being over sensitive, well some people just are, and that's fine. Takes all sorts, not everyone has to "call a spade a spade".

I guess it depends on the child and your personal situation as others have said.

I have to be out with one (she's 4) at 7:20, no financial or emotional/ physical support and I do it all on my own. But am nurturing a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend/partner who has a son (he's 7) and I would say that 2 adults and two children is far far easier than 1 adult and 1 child.

I'm with ProfiteroleThief. she was getting a pre-emptive shot before you commented on the chaos she perceives as emanating from her family.

This week I've barely been able to make eye contact with the neighbours with the sheer volume that results from three slightly poorly kids aggravating each other. So if you think of all the permutations of conflict that can lead to a child sitting on the floor screaming.... And then multiply it by three... You are getting very near to the 'wall of sound' that we have been producing this week,

Oh, yesterday was baaaaad.

The two year old had been playing with Dds banjo while the other two were in school.

The three year old spotted it as soon as we came home.... Cue two year old dashing across the room to protect his booty.

At which point Dd turns around and says " err, isn't that extremely pink banjo with ribbons actually mine.

So I did the only thing that I could do: confiscated the bloody banjo until they all calmed the feck down.

So that was how the tesco man found us. Sitting around a table eating 'dinner' two wailing boys, one very cheesed off girl. He said "by gum, you're brave, love", and then proceeded to considerately carry in all my groceries through to the kitchen looking awed.

sigh