Who should I fume at? the nursery or the mother?

[Chandra]

OK, I recognise I'm a bit childish for feeling like this but today I went to pick up DS from the nursery and all the children from his room were walking out with a party/candy bag in one hand, all of them but DS!

I feel bad about his because it doesn't help with his shyness. I suppose a mother sent the bags and forgot to include DS, or maybe it was from a party to which he had not been invited, or whatever (which makes me sad, I have to say). But surely, the nursery could have been a bit more discrete when handing them out, could they?

OK, rant over...

.... though I still feel like asking whose birthday it was just to erase that child from DS birthday party list! am I childish or what?

(walks out fuming)

bosscat, thats a shabby response IMO. You were quite clearly intending to personally insult me. As you say you don't know me or my children, and yet you feel that it is acceptable to be abusive on the thin excuse that some of your posts were in the third person. I've heard many a bully use the same excuse - "it's not my fault that it upset x"

Chloe55 - just to say, and truly I am being sincere!, I thought that your post was rather sweet. You're obviously a peace maker

its a full moon

Are you an astrologer?

Of course not, its just that people always start arguing when there's a full moon

Sorreeeee - just being flippant! Must be the full moon

Am I bothered

Well, I'm not sure about differences between US and UK but I think it is generally understood here that giving out something in the classroom means it is for the entire class. A private party with invitations sent to the child's home is a different matter.

I would be equally mad at the nursery for allowing it and for the unthinking, insensitive mother who did it.

Just a couple of points:-

My dd is having a party soon and I got a list of names from nursery and asked her who she wanted to invite. Before going through the list she just said "I don't want to invite X and Y (twins) because they don't like girls". I didn't say anything but went through the list and she only wanted to invite about half of the children anyway which was fine. If she had said everyone apart from X and Y I would have told her that that wasn't very nice even if they had said they didn't like girls and I wouldn't have allowed it.

My dd didn't get invited to my best friend's dds party (who is the same age and v good friends with my dd) and I got really upset so I decided to ask her why - she said she was really sorry but she didn't think we'd be able to get there in time as it was straight after school and I don't drive. Fair enough. Glad I asked.

A few weeks ago a mum from nursery told me her ds was extremely upset and very quiet all day because everyone had an invite to Z's party apart from him. My dd had been invited so I had no reason to disbelieve this but I since found out she only invited 8.

So yes I can see your point chandra and I would be gutted, but just saying, it could be just a mix-up.

(whispers)...I just want to say that I'm still here and appreciate your posts, thanks

The last nursery I used to go to, when I nannied had a rule that all 'party' stuff such as invites, bags etc... had to be done by yourselves- not the child handing them out in nursery or the nursery staff either. It ended any upset by one child/children not being invited or getting anything.
I think it's cruel missing one child out! I'd say to the nursery how insensitive they are!

nooka, I don't feel its acceptable to insult people, that's why I don't leave a single child out at parties on the shabby pretext of "well its HER party" afterall "I don't feel its my job to make life fair for everyone else" they are your quotes so if you want to talk shabby behaviour take a long hard look at yourself. I think its hilarious how you've managed to turn yourself into a victim here accusing me of being a bully. For someone who has so little feeling about other people's children that she would just not invite them because good lord, why is it her job to be nice to others, I find it incredible how over sensitive about yourself you are. I'm leaving this thread alone now as we could bicker backwards and forwards forever with a "I said this" "you meant that" circular argument which is not my style. To quote yourself "I really got your goat" well yes you did nooka, and lest we misunderstand each other I found your comments to be selfish in the extreme so why don't you just take it on the chin instead of bleating on about how I'm bullying you by telling you how offensive I found you.

At our nursery, invites are handed to parents in secret so non-invitees don't learn of their unpopular status.
FWIW, when ds1 was little he was the only boy his age in his nursery and got left out of most of the parties which were "girls-only" Very unfair, I thought as we always went out of our way to make sure everyone got an invite.