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Original poster

Is 9am to 6pm five days a week too much for a (nearly) 4 year old? Decision time tonight please help

125 replies

choucroutegarnie · 30/06/2008 20:38

Our son, aged 3 1/2, is meant to start nursery full time in September. Until now he's been at home, though with lots of other kids around so he's very sociable.

We have 2 options: a great (but rather expensive) nursery attached to a primary school, which means 9am-6pm days, or our local (but so-so) school, which means we could afford to have him looked after at home or at a childminder's after school.

I tend to prefer the first one because the teachers are great and the class sizes smaller, but do those things really matter if your kid is exhausted and just wants to go home?

I know it's pathetic because we are lucky to have these options but I'd welcome some advice from someone who's gone down the full-time route.

What was it like? Any advice?

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RosaLuxembunting · 01/07/2008 21:46

It is ridiculous to say that those of us who sent our children to full time nursery claim they are fine because we won't admit they are damaged. We say they are fine because they are fine.
DD1 was at full time nursery 9-6 from the age of four months until she was three. I had to work, she loved the nursery, end of story.
DD2 I worked part time, DD3 I was a SAHM because our circumstances changed.
I would defy anyone to look at my lovely, confident, affectionate DD1 and tell me how she is damaged compared to her equally lovely sisters.

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:47

Given the choice do you not think your child would like to spend more time with you?

purlease · 01/07/2008 21:48

thank you Rosa for all sides of the story .

It makes me how people can judge whether or not a child is damaged without any evidence!

FairyMum · 01/07/2008 21:48

Read my post from Mon 30-Jun-08 20:45:40. I have experience of putting 3 children through nursery. I have tried and tested most scenarios and found that for my children its too long. Obviously others have different experiences which suggests to me it depends on the child.

Pavlovthecat, nursery is not work. children can chill out, have cuddles, naps in nurseries.

I think people who have never sent their child to a FT nursery generally has very little idea what a nursery is like.

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:50

Rosa - I am not saying any of your children are damaged, just that fulltime nursery is not in the best interest of a child (I am aware that some people have no choice with this and that is sad)

googgly · 01/07/2008 21:50

Mine's at full-time nursery (2yo, but has been there since 0.6) - he really likes it. I wouldn't send him if I didn't work full time (because I'm sure being with mum is the best), but he's definitely happy. They sleep after lunch. He's had the same lady looking after him since the beginning - better continuity than he'd prob have had with a nanny.

googgly · 01/07/2008 21:50

Mine's at full-time nursery (2yo, but has been there since 0.6) - he really likes it. I wouldn't send him if I didn't work full time (because I'm sure being with mum is the best), but he's definitely happy. They sleep after lunch. He's had the same lady looking after him since the beginning - better continuity than he'd prob have had with a nanny.

googgly · 01/07/2008 21:50

Mine's at full-time nursery (2yo, but has been there since 0.6) - he really likes it. I wouldn't send him if I didn't work full time (because I'm sure being with mum is the best), but he's definitely happy. They sleep after lunch. He's had the same lady looking after him since the beginning - better continuity than he'd prob have had with a nanny.

googgly · 01/07/2008 21:50

Mine's at full-time nursery (2yo, but has been there since 0.6) - he really likes it. I wouldn't send him if I didn't work full time (because I'm sure being with mum is the best), but he's definitely happy. They sleep after lunch. He's had the same lady looking after him since the beginning - better continuity than he'd prob have had with a nanny.

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:52

My ds goes to nursery part-time I would imagine fulltime would be the same - just far too much of the same.

MissV · 01/07/2008 21:52

I was lucky in that i could take 18 months off work when DS was born so didnt need to have any childcare till i returned to work.
I found a very good nursery that lots of friends children attend and came highly recommended - most of their DC's attended full time from 0800 till 1730 with no problems.
However my ds had, and still does have a real problem with me leaving him. There isnt tears and when he's there he is absoloutly fine and enjoys it (he's on 1/2 days shared care with grandparents) but he would rather be with me and i get the 'i dont want to go to nursery' etc etc making it stressful for me more than him IYSWIM!
I think it would be a hard transition for your dc after being in your sole care and this would then rub off on you making you feel bad (i constantly have mothers guilt!)

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:53

Thanks googgly, at least some honesty.

RosaLuxembunting · 01/07/2008 21:57

You are talking a load of bollocks. You have actually said that those of us who claim nursery didn't damage our children are deluded. Fine, YOU BELIEVE that fulltime nursery is not in the best interests of children. But you just happen to be wrong. What is in the best interests of a child is to have a loving family who are doing the best they can for their welfare, and sometimes that 'best' requires fulltime care. And some nurseries provide very good fulltime care.

purlease · 01/07/2008 21:57

Imaparenttoo, course we would all love to spend more time with the ones we love! But how can you say it is not in the best interest of the child when you clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

I am not defending my decisions - I don't feel I have to. Just like other people in my position who have children at nursery,we are able to say to OP that our children have thrived well in this environment.

I could start making sweeping statements about children at home being clingy and over dependant and not very good socially. Some may be and some children may have difficulties with nurseries but as I said before parents will try to do best for their families.

fishie · 01/07/2008 22:00

imaparentoo, only in your opinion you cannot state this as fact.

my ds is 3 and has been with cm since 13m for varying days a week, but always full days. there is no problem with this, it is his second home and so it should be.

there is nothing wrong with a small child being happy with others than their parents. or is that what some of you are unhappy with? do you think that nursery carers are dodgy? are you worried that the parental bond is diluted? no point in just posting sad faces and 'noooo' please do elaborate...

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 22:03

Rosa - don't believe I have been rude to you it would be nice if you afford me the same courtesy. In answer to the original post, in short yes it is too long, in my opinion, I do not expect everyone to agree with me. I do believe angry responses to my views are because people struggle to defend using childcare in this way and probably feel guilty about it. So you don't agree with me, so what - we can agree to disagree, just find it strange that people think it is in their child's best interests to be cared for 'fulltime' by paid workers who do not love them.

RosaLuxembunting · 01/07/2008 22:04

I wasn't rude to you, I just said you were talking bollocks. Which you were.

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 22:05

Fishie no there is nothing wrong with a child being happy with people other than their parents but (IMHO) there is something wrong with a child spending more waking time with these 'other people' than their parents.

fishie · 01/07/2008 22:07

there that is what i am trying to get to imaparenttoo. "paid workers who do not love them"

i disagree with you. ds is loved.

sundew · 01/07/2008 22:10

My dd2 goes to nursery 3 days a week - 8.30 until 5 and has been for the last 3.5 years. She has lots of lovely friends and really enjoys all the things they do. Nursery is nothing like school and they dont tend to come home any more tired than a day at home.

I am shocked by Iamaparenttoo's comments and am mildly insulted. I know very few working parents who do it purely because they want to work - the majority of us do it because we need the money to afford the necessities in life (not the luxuries!).

The OP needs to make a rational decisional - not one based on peoples opinions on the use of nurseries (which I assume are based on trivial newpaper articles).

If the OP feels that this school will offer the best for her child then I think she should go for it!

FairyMum · 01/07/2008 22:11

LOL at "these other people".
Imaparenttoo, if your child attends PT nursery and this is how you feel, then why does she attend? You sound like you have very negative emotions attached to your childs nursery or "these other people" who care for her. Perhaps you have not found a vert good nursery, but don't pass your guilt onto others.

purlease · 01/07/2008 22:11

agree Rosa

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 22:11

So you agree fishie that if your ds was in fulltime nursery he would not be loved (as he is by his cm)

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 22:16

Fairymum, I am perfectly happy with ds's nursery the care is good, he has many friends and the enviroment is stimulating and welcoming, perfect for 2andahalf hours. I have made many mistakes as a parent but giving the valuable time I spend with my children to someone else is not one of them so I have never felt guilty about it.

FairyMum · 01/07/2008 22:18

Imaparenttoo, 2 1/2 hours of nursery. So basiclaly you are a sahm. This is exactly my point....personally I would be more interested in people with experiences and simialr situation to my own.

Obviously everyone is free to post.