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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Is 9am to 6pm five days a week too much for a (nearly) 4 year old? Decision time tonight please help

125 replies

choucroutegarnie · 30/06/2008 20:38

Our son, aged 3 1/2, is meant to start nursery full time in September. Until now he's been at home, though with lots of other kids around so he's very sociable.

We have 2 options: a great (but rather expensive) nursery attached to a primary school, which means 9am-6pm days, or our local (but so-so) school, which means we could afford to have him looked after at home or at a childminder's after school.

I tend to prefer the first one because the teachers are great and the class sizes smaller, but do those things really matter if your kid is exhausted and just wants to go home?

I know it's pathetic because we are lucky to have these options but I'd welcome some advice from someone who's gone down the full-time route.

What was it like? Any advice?

The deadline for admissions is tomorrow morning...

OP posts:

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mrsruffallo · 01/07/2008 19:12

I think that is far too long for a 3 yr old to be away from his home and parents.
That's basically his whole waking day.
I would have him looked after at home for as long a period as possible.

notasheep · 01/07/2008 19:31

i like to see my ds

Mutt · 01/07/2008 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spicemonster · 01/07/2008 19:38

I'd like to see my DS more too but some of us need to work for a living or we'd be on the street.

notasheep · 01/07/2008 19:41

didnt say i didnt work

Bubble99 · 01/07/2008 19:41

Same here, spicey.

Need to pay for those frivolous things like electricity, too.

cmotdibbler · 01/07/2008 19:42

My DS, who is 2, is at nursery 5 days a week from 8 till 5 - and he's fine. He still has a sleep most days, but even those who don't are encouraged to have a rest at that time.

Much easier to manage the whole day at nursery that worrying about a pt nanny in addition imo.

Twelvelegs · 01/07/2008 19:47

I would think the leap from full time at home to 4 days away 9-6 would be too much, especially for a ds. I think pt nursery and pt nanny would be a good option. To be honest I would think a 9-6 day is a long day no matter how many days a week, what about just a nanny?

Twelvelegs · 01/07/2008 19:50

PS I met a lovely older nanny who was part time in a park the other day, she said a fullt ime position was too much for her. She likened it to be a granny, all the best bits and never too tired .

bodiddly · 01/07/2008 19:56

my ds is nearly 3 1/2 and goes to nursery from 7.30am until 5pm 5 days a week. He has done since he was 6 months old. He does get exhausted - especially now he is trying to give up day time naps - but he copes. I would say that it is tough on him at times but needs must for us. If you decide to put him into the full time nursery you may need to start it off gradually and be prepared for him being in a stinkingly bad mood when you pick him up for a while until he gets used to the long hours and the hectic full-on nature of a nursery! Either way I am sure he will be happy it will just take a little getting used to for you and him.

katierocket · 01/07/2008 20:01

"Too long imo - you know that too or you wouldn't be asking"

Hm, how friggin unhelpful.

Neeerly3 · 01/07/2008 20:10

my dt's have been at nursery from 8 - 5, 5 days a week since they were 5 months old - part of normal life for them - we just make every single second of the weekend count....

However I can see the OP's dilema if her DS has been at home 24 x 7 for 3.5 years - he is going to be overwhelmed with excitement at this new environment, with new people, new friends, new toys - so initially he is going to come home shattered, but he will adapt - the choice you have is if you want him to - only you know your DS and how he will handle a new environment...there is no right and wrong answer - either decision will be the right one....

TheOriginalXENA · 01/07/2008 20:12

Just to help balance the arguement - DS1 went to a ft day nursery until he started reception - he was exhusted starting school! Good day nurseries balance the day well

babbi · 01/07/2008 20:43

As many have said you know your own child , they are all different.
I have had DD (exact same age as your DS) at home with me since birth and I know that there is no way that she could cope with that length of day away from me .
She will start her pre school soon 2.5 hrs per day and that will be enough.
However I am very lucky and have that option.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and remember if your first choice doesn`t work out it will not be the end of the world you can always make other arrangements which may work out better for him ...
Also remember kids do surprise us constantly xxx

OneLieIn · 01/07/2008 20:45

Sounds fine to me. DCs have been 07.45 - 18.00 for years adn they have always been fine. nurseries always cater for quiet time.

BTW, my kids are great! Not damaged or poor things.

ConnorTraceptive · 01/07/2008 20:58

I think the main concern for me would be the fact that he has been at home full time for three years. My DS is 3 and will be starting nursery in september - he's going four times a week for 3 hours - I think even this amount of time will be hard for him, but only you know your son.

It doesn't really matter what others do and how their children cope you have to do what's best for your own and what you feel you can be comfortable with.

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:15

Lots of talk on here about children 'coping' with full time nursery and 'managing ok' and I realise some parents have no choice. However, anyone who sees this as in the best interest of the child is deluded. In my opinion too many people have children without really thinking about the reality of both parents having to work fulltime and use fulltime childcare. It is hard on the parents but even harder on the child. If you have any choice at all please do not do this.

jumblesale · 01/07/2008 21:23

I agree completely with Imaparenttoo. If you have any choice, please don't do this. If you are seeking advice (especially anonymous advice), you are possibly concerned already?
Good luck with your decision - it must be tough for you.

FairyMum · 01/07/2008 21:25

I would be more interested in opinions from posters with experience rather than people just coming on posting about people being delluded or "please don't do this".

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:34

But Fairymum, all posters who have done this themselves will say it is ok and their child coped because admitted otherwise is tantamount to admitted they may have damaged their child. I know children are resilient and can cope with many things, family break up, bereavement even being orphaned but these are not in the best interest of the child and niether is spending the vast majority of your waking hours away from your parents when you are so young. I am not anti-nurseries by the way just anti people using them 9 hours a day 5 days a week.

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:34

admitting not admitted

purlease · 01/07/2008 21:41

DD is in nursery 5 days a week 9 -5. She is very balanced and very happy. It is not about coping. I think all parents want what is best for their children and if I believed for one minute that she is even the slightest bit unhappy I would reevaluate my life choices. She is happy, loving and gets lots of quality time in the evenings, at weekends and on holidays with me and DH.

I am not deluded!

Pavlovthecat · 01/07/2008 21:44

Too long. I work these hours three times a week, and they exhaust me. I am not a child that young.

Imaparenttoo · 01/07/2008 21:46

Purlease - I sympathise with you, but as I said you would say that wouldn't you.

purlease · 01/07/2008 21:46

believe me my 3 year old has more energy than I have but then she does get a little power nap during the day at nursery.

Working is a bit more exhausting than play, story time, circle time and the other things she does at nursery.

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