Is self-regulation a realistic expectation for a 13-month-old at nursery?

[Anothertiredteacher]

My 13 month old started nursery four weeks ago.

It’s a term-time only nursery so he wasn’t able to have any formal settling in sessions. Instead, he started with an hour for the first week, and the idea was he’d gradually increase as he’s ready.

He breezed through the first week so we increased it to two hours the next week but we’re still stuck at this. He’s been sad going in but seems okay when we arrive to pick him up - playing either by himself or with one of the staff.

The staff want him to be able to self regulate before they up him to three hours, but I feel like self regulation isn’t developmentally normal for a one year old!!!

He’s the youngest child there and I feel like their expectations are more appropriate for the older children, but I’m a first time mum, he was premature and I’m worried I’m being precious and over protective.

Is self regulation normal??

i’m a baby room leader and wouldn’t expect this of a 13 month old! It’s our job to be there to support children of such a young age who can’t express how they’re feeling and need the adult to help them with their feelings! a child that young needs a cuddle and lots of care! This is absolutely not something that a child so young should be expected to do independently! is there an option to look at alternative childcare providers?

Thanks for this. We spoke to the key workers today and didn't really feel satisfied with their explanations.

There are a couple of other one-year-olds there, but mostly 2+. He was also premature, so his corrected age is that of a 11 month old.

I think we will have a look at alternative childcare providers. Nursery waiting lists are mad here (we're already on a couple!), but we'll look at childminders to see if there's someone who could take him on.

I'm really grateful for everyone's thoughts on this - it's nice to have reassurance from people more experienced and knowledgeable than us, so thank you for taking the time!!

There are a couple of other one-year-olds there, but mostly 2+. He was also premature, so his corrected age is that of a 11 month old.

an inappropriate environment for him atm. The nursery see that and don’t think wise to ramp up. They are being professional with his best interests in mind.

They are being professional with his best interests in mind.

Hardly.

So you think they’re trying to spite the Op by suggesting she wait a bit before increasing by an hour. Remembering he’s the youngest of this entire cohort with the majority double his age? @Freshrain

Children learn to self regulate through the support of well regulated adults - they literally learn by being comforted and cared for. His behaviour is wholly developmentally appropriate and he’ll need that support for quite some time, self regulation is a skill he needs to learn in developmental stages.

I’d be concerned that they don’t seem to have the most rudimentary understanding of child development

They need to explain exactly what they mean. He's a baby not a pre schooler.
Maybe it's not the right place for him?