Is my nursery lying about mealtimes?

[DudleyMonkeyPuzzler]

My DS (1yr old) has now been at nursery for two weeks, not long before he started he had a really bad virus which knocked him about a lot, and since then it’s been a struggle to get his appetite back. By the time he started nursery he was back to eating simple foods like toast, fruit and yoghurt, but point-blank refusing to eat meals he used to love, like spag bol, chicken stew, chickpea curry etc.

However, since he started nursery his report log is suggesting that he’s eating most if not all of the meals they’re providing, all stuff I’ve not managed to get him to eat since he was ill. So I’m wondering, is the nursery “massaging the truth” about what he’s actually eating, perhaps to protect my peace of mind? Is this a thing they do in other people’s experience? Or am I likely being paranoid?

I imagine it’s possible that in a different environment surrounded by other kids eating he might have more interest in the food, but just finding it really hard to believe.

I’d like to question the nursery about it, but can’t think of a good way to do it diplomatically.

Don’t be diplomatic. Ask them out right. Has he eaten everything as you’ve said as he’s not eating at home so just wanted to check. Thanks

I used to wonder this about my fussy eater. But one day I was in the room and heard a handover and they were saying ‘he ate a small bit of breakfast, don’t like lunch so we offered an alternative and ate half of his tea’. So I realised they do say if they haven’t eaten well.

Mine definitely ate things at nursery that they didn't eat at home. I've seen them do it when they weren't aware I was watching them.
Also, my mum had my kids a lot when they were that age and they would do things like refuse to eat raw carrots with me, only cooked... And then go to hers and refuse to eat cooked carrots, only raw! We were gobsmacked when we compared notes 😂

It's possible.

I worked in a care home once, a famous chain of care homes, where there was a huge amount of dishonesty written about how much residents had eaten.

Oh yes. My little boy apparently eats lentil stew, vegetable moussaka and garlic chicken with couscous at nursery! At home I struggle to get him to eat a chip.

I had the same in hospital, read the notes at the end of my bed and it said I'd had a supper drink and snack. I hadn't, i was already tucked up in bed half asleep and declined anything from the trolley.
I do think kids in nurseries often eat things they won't at home because everyone else is.

It could be that they're exaggerating how much he's had, but it's definitely a thing that kids eat stuff at nursery that they won't touch at home (due to seeing the others eating theirs).

Kids often eat differently in nursery compared to at home but I’d just ask them. Tell them you’re concerned and if they could monitor further you’d be grateful, because if he had ate a full meal at lunch you won’t push a big dinner (or something like that).

Children often eat differently in different settings - it comes under the ‘WTF Banner of Parenthood’. My daughter wouldn’t touch stews and the like at home for a while yet could demolish a Hotpot at her Granny’s house like she was auditioning for a role in Corrie.

This is super super common at nursery and I see threads on here about it all the time!

Both mine were the same - fussy eaters at home but ate everything at nursery!

It’s mostly down to peer pressure. They see their friends or other children shovelling food into their mouths and essentially just copy it.

I witnessed on several occasions my sons eating curries, vegetables and all sorts they wouldn’t touch at home but were happily eating at nursery.

Obviously ask the nursery to be sure but it is likely your DC is just following suit and eating with his classmates

My mother in law insists my kids love soup and yet I have never managed to get them to eat any sort of soup. One day I asked her for a tupperware of the exact same soup, I snuck it into the house and served it for dinner. Kids refused to eat it. WTF?!

I do think it's probably peer pressure. But no harm just asking 'when you say he's eating, how much does he eat and do you have to encourage him'.

IME nurseries are going to be busier than you, so unless a child is dramatically under-eating/refusing food they may well just count it as a win, whereas you may have a sense of his usual portion size and think he's only picked at it. I had it the other way around - I'd get nursery telling me DD had barely touched her lunch and I'd have to keep saying it's ok, she just eats like a bird, we're aware of it and so is her GP, this is normal for her.

They won't mind you having the conversation.

When I worked in a nursery, we were always honest with the parents about what the children eat- as what’s the point in lying? We wouldn’t have wanted them to go to bed hungry if they hadn’t eaten all day. Explain to the nursery the position at home and just double check for your own reassurance. It’s amazing how different children at at nursery compared to their parents…. Same with my DC currently 🤣

I had this dilemma. My DC goes through stages where we can barely get them to eat anything 'proper' and survives on biscuits and crackers.
I questioned nursery several times at the food logged and did get some further information.
Firstly the portion sizes are really small so they only need to eat a small amount to look like a lot. My DC was picking the bits out that they would eat (usually the meat so took a lot of the bulk out) and would eat a small mouthful of rice or a bite of potato to basically get enough food to push the hunger away and that would be it.

I only learnt this through a TAC meeting though once they had to start observing my DCs eating a lot closer. Generally before that I got told about half or all of it.

However I will say I saw photographic evidence of my DC at nursery eating foods like fruit that I was shocked by and I also know a couple people who work in nurseries who say children do genuinely eat a lot better than parents think. Staff won't be lying, it goes against the ethic of childcaring to tell a parent a child is eating better than they are ESPECIALLY if that parent raises concerns about the child's food intake. They have no benefit to lying about what your child eats, but when they've got several children to monitor it's easy not to see exactly what they eat. Sometimes it may get thrown on the floor but not seen kind of thing.

Do raise it if your concerned about your DCs nutritional intake but they do 100% eat differently at nursery/school/granny's house than they do at home.

I used to think the same about DC sleep - it was an absolute nightmare getting them to nap at home and I just couldn't believe they lay down alongside 10 others and just went to sleep, but apparently they did!

My DD eats everything nursery, she'll not touch it at home.
sitting down and eating with other children helps massively.
i don't see why they'd lie about it tbh.

We are always honest with parents. There is little reason to lie as it is something staff and parents need to monitor for the child’s well being. If you tell the parents they ate well and they didn’t the parent may decide they don’t need to make a full meal when they get home, for example.

Mine age a lot of stuff at nursery that they wouldn’t eat at home. I assume they told me the truth, because they were also perfectly happy to tell me the times they didn’t eat much, didn’t like the food etc.

If you think they're massaging the truth, ask them what "most" of any given meal looks like.

SO common OP. My DD’s friend’s mum worked at her old nursery and was covering for someone in the pre-school room. She confirmed DD wolfed down the curry there. Didn’t touch it at home. She is now at school and eats curry there too. 😆

I don't really know why they'd lie?

Seems its a common geeling though. Just read another thread whether the OP thinks they're lying about funding rules.

Why do you leave your children in places that you are convinced would lie to you?

I've worked in a nursery and have never lied about how much a child has eaten - why would I? Why would I care how much they've eaten 😂

However, I will admit we sometimes would have forgotten or cleared the plate before writing down and just said some/half/all based on what they normally eat.

Or, it's often hard to tell what an individual child has eaten if they've spilled a lot - most is gone from the plate but who knows if most also went into their belly.

The other thing is, most/half/some is a vague judgement, one person's most will be another's some.

Mine’s the same- fussy at home but eats a lot at nursery. Remember their snack times are regimented there and they have a lot of outdoor time and active play, so they do get hungrier than they do at home and are more likely to eat things because all their little friends are.

It’s unlikely they’re lying, they have no reason to. My youngest DS is still at nursery and they’ve always told me if he hasn’t eaten anything/much so that I can give him something else when we get home. Sometimes they’ll say he’s eaten something that I wouldn’t expect him to have eaten but I think it’s just sitting eating with other kids that makes them eat better.

There's little reason for them to lie. It's much more likely that he's just behaving differently at nursery which is very common.