Favourite nursery won’t accept child due to allergies

[Costumemaker]

Hello,

Just having a little sad rant but also looking for advice from other parents with children who suffer from food allergies.

I’ve found a fab nursery- absolutely in love with it but sadly they won’t accept my child due to allergies. It’s only 9- lunchtime so not even all day and they bring their own packed lunch, it would only be snack time to watch out but also messy play.

I’ve offered to buy gluten free flour to make play dough as they have it out daily or even make it myself and asked that they wouldn’t have pasta/cereals out on my child’s days. I only need 15 hours a week so wouldn’t even be 5 days. I would do 3 at most.

The manager isn’t being friendly about it either and just saying they can’t promise to keep child safe which I understand but tbh I can’t even keep them safe at home or when I go out to soft play/ park all the time. I just feel really sad about it as I don’t think I’m asking for above and beyond just a little extra care.
I’m also very upset because they have someone else starting with the same allergy and are happy to accommodate them but not my child because they have more allergies. I’m also very upset because I know they previously accepted a child who had an extensive list of allergies under a huge hospital (v well known for children’s care) but again won’t take mine.

Any Advice or experience from others?

If it's anaphylaxis then the nursery cannot accept the child without staff having the appropriate training. Local community health should be able to help them with this and support the nursery to do a risk assessment. Once all of this is in place the child can start.
What kind of reaction are we talking?

Does your child have an airborne gluten allergy? If not and it's just consumed, the play dough etc seems overkill?

Well it’s not that fab.
I’m very surprised they’re saying this. Food allergies are becoming more and more common. Can’t believe they can’t make it work.
I wouldn’t want my child somewhere she clearly wasn’t welcome.

Or, err....coeliac/wheat allergy (they are different!)?! 🙄 So even traces of gluten cause intermal damage even if not visible in form of anaphylaxis. And absolutely with young child the likelihood to eat play doh or put fingers to mouth after using and cross contaminate even with a crumb (which is all it takes) is high so yes if coeliac/gluten allergy would need to be gluten free. Do better. People's steps to keep themself/their child safe from allergies or autoimmune reactions is not "overkill".

You say they accommodate another gluten free child, but that yours has other allergies.

What are the other allergies?

TBH I can see if it’s complicate and will take a lot of adjustment, and it’s only for the 15 free funded hours, it might not be worthwhile for them to make the extra adaptations (caveating, that I don’t know what the other allergies are). Particularly if you then say they can’t charge for extras as you’re providing your own food etc.

@rainbowsparkle28 I have a coeliac and we didn't go don't such a strict route and weren't advised to, which is why I asked if it was airborne.

Thanks for all of your opinions and input.
We haven’t been told any are specifically anaphylaxis but we have been given epipens. I did ask at our last appointment but they said due to the severity and amount of reactions we need them.

Just to clarify, the most severe allergies are
Dairy
sesame
egg
wheat

other allergies are
peas/ pea protein
pine nuts
green beans
beans
radish
oranges
rapeseed oil
cashew

weaning our way out of
oats
coconut

Obviously I am most worried about the severe allergies, especially with any spilt milk or others milky hands but I do understand that these are things I’ll have to deal with when school comes around/ kids parties etc.
I trust the staff and the setting. I thought that paediatric first aid trained staff were trained on anaphylaxis and how to use epipens, I have done it myself but years ago now.

The other child they have accepted has a dairy allergy and they previously accepted a child with a more extensive list than mine so feeling very sad!

@MidnightPatrol yes it is for the funded hours but only for a few months until I go back to work, I’ll also be paying a little on top as the hours go over the 15 funded. I do see how they think it’s not worth it too, but it’s literally only 3 months and then I’ll be paying. They are accommodating a dairy free child.

@Wegovypictures all allergies are through consumption but if I ate any if the severe ones and kissed my child they would get big hives/ fast reaction and I’d want to get them looked at asap. I don’t know if it would become any worse as I don’t eat of those, I only know from grandparents kissing and leaving awful hives and now banned from doing so!

The other child they have accepted has a dairy allergy and they previously accepted a child with a more extensive list than mine so feeling very sad!

They probably know what it entails then. That may be the issue. Sorry, it's shit.

Can’t say I blame them. Imagine if your child died on their watch. I think school would be a big risk too.

Not surprised you feel sad though.

Problem is you ask for certain adjustments done on a number of hours/days and it affects other children a lot. Not serving cerials or pasta 3 days out of 5 affects all other children. Lots of other meals contain gluten/milk.

I really understand why they turn you down if they can do it legally.
It's a huge ask for 15 hours/3 days. And your child is most likely not the only with special needs so in the end if they agreed to this none of the other children could have normal food as pasta/cerial/other products at nursery or allowed to play with normal toys like playdough.

I have coeliac and can't do any milk products so I know how it can be a struggle but I have never been asked not to handle playdough by doctors. You might ask about things like that again.

My children have had various speciel needs with food over the years. Nursery and school have adapted well but our childrens' needs have never been affected or changed what has been served for the other children.
We have brought in quite a lot of food to make it easier for the staff.

I could be a way to go to use a childminder. Less children and only one adult to sort things (less mistakes made) and I have met a few specializing in diets for children with allergies.

My advice is to walk away, if they don't have confidence they will keep your child safe then you should listen to them, even though it's annoying they can't make it work.

What about children who eat cereal at home and then come in and kiss your child or touch them with hands which have been in their mouth? Nursery can't control what kids eat at home, and during nursery hours to ban those products from all children seems impossible to work. Small children swap bodily fluids constantly. Hopefully your child grows out of this as they grow older or school will be very difficult.

Dairy-free is quite simple, multiple allergies is very difficult, I’m sorry.

They’re not going to make adjustments with such a risk. They may have found the existing multiple allergy child very difficult and have decided it’s not an option for further attendees.

OP I’m sorry you’re dealing with allergies! My child has a severe wheat allergy (having immunotherapy at Great Ormond Street), PP - An allergy is different to celiac disease. Gluten allergies can be triggered by touching the allergen (including most play dough), it’s not ‘overkill’ just because it’s not an issue for your child). My child started nursery with allergies to wheat, dairy, egg and multiple fruit / veg and thankfully outgrew most of them over the years. My advice is to find a nursery that is happy to support you properly and have regular meetings on processes to keep them safe :) And start the food ladders as soon as you are able to, the younger they start the more effective they are! If you have any more children current research shows weaning all allergens at 4-6 months helps avoid developing allergies! My 2nd child is allergy free thank god. I wouldn’t recommend mumsnet for allergy topics (a lot of misinformation) I recommend understanding allergies book by Dr Sophie Farooq, Dr Adam Fox on Instagram & Anaphylaxis support groups on Facebook x

For those saying the playdough thing is overkill - I was told by medical professionals that playdough was an issue for little ones with coeliac disease due to the risk of them putting things in their mouth or touching and then putting hands in their mouth. I was advised to ask preschool / toddler groups to switch to gluten free playdough.

This is still very relevant for an allergy.

OP - I really do sympathise with you but, having worked in several nurseries, I also sympathise with the manager.

they previously accepted a child with a more extensive list than mine

and they probably learnt from that experience that it's more than their staff can cope with.

I agree with what the other posters have said. There are multiple allergies there and nursery obviously feel they can’t guarantee your lo’s safety. Not having certain things out for 3 days out of 5 is restrictive for the other children. They have probably learnt with the previous child that it is too difficult to manage. You even admit you struggle yourself at soft play etc - and you are 1-1 with your dc, which will not be the case in a nursery setting.

They have been upfront and honest with you. They are as a good a nursery as you think as they are being honest in what they can and can't provide to operate safely.

Try to accept that and continue to look for other options. I would consider employing a nanny if you can if the allergies are so extreme. Doesn't help with the school years but cross that bridge when you come to it.

I think it's because you have asked for other children to be restricted when your child is in attendance.

The milk allergy child will be given a substitute, doesn't stop the other kids having milk. You are asking them to change their whole set up but only paying for 15 hours, or rather the government paying for them.

I also think the quantity and complexity is hard to manage in a child care setting with more than a few children, a childminder is a better option as they can focus on your child's needs

Another thing is if they all bring their own packed lunches, are you asking all parents to limit their children? I certainly wouldn't be happy as the gf bread is full of artificial stuff and my dc only ate homemade bread and real butter at that age.

If they're telling you they can't keep your child safe then that's not a bad thing.

Far better than an over-confident nursery manager who promises the world and then your child ends up ill because it doesn't work. Believe me!

If they have children that have breakfast at nursery then not serving cereal 3 mornings a week would be a big deal. Especially if people have paid for breakfast and that's what they're used to having. Cereals and toast is pretty standard breakfast offerings.

I would try a childminder as less children will be less risk of cross contamination.

I have a lot of sympathy because you are obviously trying to live a normal life in very constricted circumstances and hopefully as she gets older it will all become easier.

they can’t promise to keep child safe which I understand but tbh I can’t even keep them safe at home or when I go out to soft play/ park all the time. I just feel really sad about it as I don’t think I’m asking for above and beyond just a little extra care.

They have said they can't keep him safe, that's the end of it really.

My dd is anaphylactic to peanuts. I remember the terror I felt in that first few months when I was getting to grips with it all. Sometimes it feels like Russian roulette. You drop them off at someone's house and you have to depend on them to not kill your child with a biscuit.

Your child will face all sorts of disappointments because of their allergies. It becomes a part of their life and of their routine. They cant have the birthday cake and they can't have the sweets and they can't get an ice cream on holiday in Wales because the hospital is so far away.

The manager isn’t being friendly about it eithe

It's not a 'fab' nursery then.

A friend in a similar situation has recently given up, almost at the end of training, to accommodate her child's allergies. Nursery was actually easier than school.
On starting school, the decision was that 1:1 was required. Her child is not permitted to attend wraparound care, school trips as this is not legally required and therefore there is no ability to guarantee the safety of surroundings. Technically her child has a major disability.