Favourite nursery won’t accept child due to allergies

[Costumemaker]

Hello,

Just having a little sad rant but also looking for advice from other parents with children who suffer from food allergies.

I’ve found a fab nursery- absolutely in love with it but sadly they won’t accept my child due to allergies. It’s only 9- lunchtime so not even all day and they bring their own packed lunch, it would only be snack time to watch out but also messy play.

I’ve offered to buy gluten free flour to make play dough as they have it out daily or even make it myself and asked that they wouldn’t have pasta/cereals out on my child’s days. I only need 15 hours a week so wouldn’t even be 5 days. I would do 3 at most.

The manager isn’t being friendly about it either and just saying they can’t promise to keep child safe which I understand but tbh I can’t even keep them safe at home or when I go out to soft play/ park all the time. I just feel really sad about it as I don’t think I’m asking for above and beyond just a little extra care.
I’m also very upset because they have someone else starting with the same allergy and are happy to accommodate them but not my child because they have more allergies. I’m also very upset because I know they previously accepted a child who had an extensive list of allergies under a huge hospital (v well known for children’s care) but again won’t take mine.

Any Advice or experience from others?

Speaking as someone who worked in Early Years, we did have a child with similar allergies. We were very vigilant, but unfortunately we could only keep them safe by sitting them with a gap between them and other children when food was served, the table was scrubbed immediately before. Her mum chose not to allow her to use play dough.

She had absolutely all her food and drink provided from home, and she was only able to take part in cookery activities when her mum provided a cake or biscuit for her to ice, we put it on a twice washed plate dried with a paper towel and icing mixed in a separate twice washed cup and she did it out of the kitchen away from the potential allergens.

You can see from this what a huge amount of work and responsibility this placed on us, we were always staffed above ratio and probably couldn’t have accommodated it otherwise. I think you must trust them if they say they can’t do this and ensure your child’s safety.

This. I think it's great they are saying no, rather than taking risks they are not prepared for.

I understand it's sad for you but I also think it's unreasonable to expect them to change their ways of working and restrict other children to accommodate yours. Especially asking them not to provide cereal on those days.

They'll be bringing hardly any profit in via you as it's such little hours and funded, they're not going to jump through extra unnecessary hoops. I'd say a childminder might be a better option.

Unfortunately, I think what you are asking for is very much above and beyond – that level of restriction would have a large impact on what the other children attending the setting can eat, drink, and play with.

The other child with a dairy allergy may have a less severe allergy. If it's just that child needs dairy-free food, no restrictions on others, most nurseries would find that straightforward. Even the child with a longer list of allergies, if they are just restrictions on what that individual child can eat, that is much easier. Or if the ones that do need stricter measures are either more uncommon ('no shellfish allowed in the nursery' is not going to be too difficult for most people) or very common restrictions (nut-free/peanut-free settings).

That doesn't make it less disappointing or difficult for you though – I hope you can find a solution you're happy with.

This. DS had allergies when he started nursery but it was the sort where it could be managed through his food. Same with others in his class.

It sounds like your child’s allergy is so severe you expect them to change everything they do just for him, and even then, it’s for only 15 hours a week and you wouldn’t even be paying full price for those 15 hours. It’s understandably too much hassle for them.

Thanks everyone, ok just so to be clear.

they don’t serve any main meals, it’s just snack which is already gluten free crackers, dairy free spread and some fruit/ salad and milk / dairy free.

-I’ve only asked they don’t put out messy play cereals on those days- when actually they said they would, it was her suggestion in the first instance. They don’t have messy cereal play out everyday either.
-I’ve asked for gluten free playdough.

I haven’t asked for other kids not to bring in anything or change their diet, nor have I asked them to make huge adjustments, it’s just two things as they’ve suggested. Well I say just but it’s obviously a lot for them.

After viewing several other nurseries who were happy to make adjustments I thought this would be ok too, especially as it’s only 4 hours! Suppose I will have to accept that they aren’t so fab after all and cut my loss.
Thanks guys!

You didn't say that in your OP though.

You said that you asked them not to have cereal out and you offered to provide gluten free playdoh and that they would only have to 'look out' at snack so that's what people are responding to.

I really don't blame. nurseries for taking this approach. After that sad business of the girl dying after having a drink made with dairy amd there was talk of the server being charged with manslaughter, And it isn't really just a question of a bit of extra care. It's a busy place with busy staff and nobody can guarantee errors won't. ever be made.

I thought this would be ok too, especially as it’s only 4 hours!

You said 15 hours.

it’s just snack which is already gluten free crackers, dairy free spread and some fruit/ salad and milk / dairy free.

I find that hard to believe.

Okay, your update gives a somewhat different picture than your earlier posts.

Still, from the nursery's perspective, I'd be worried about the hives your child has got from kisses from people who have eaten these foods. Small children get in each other's faces, they mouth toys, they put their hand in their mouth and then touch toys, they spill food and drink down their clothes. How are they going to keep your child safe if another child in the same room has dairy or wheat for breakfast or in their packed lunch, or has milk to drink with snack (or is young enough to still be having bottles)?

It's good that you have other nurseries happy to accommodate, but it might be worth discussing that source of risk with them as well, as it's obviously not something you want to get caught out by!

I’ve offered to buy gluten free flour to make play dough as they have it out daily or even make it myself and asked that they wouldn’t have pasta/cereals out on my child’s days

You are actually asking for quite extensive accommodations. It may be that the other children with allergies are able to play with normal playdoh for example. It sounds as if your DC would need 1-2-1 supervision to make sure he doesn’t touch anybody else’s playdoh and possibly another member of staff to make him a batch.

Your posts about not having pasta or cereals out would presumably also need to extend to the other children not bringing them in in their lunchbox (in case DC touches it or is touched by someone who’s eaten it or a member of staff who has picked up food dropped on the floor).

It isn’t actually hard to believe that they are not able to ensure his safety. If you think about their decision as a risk assessment, they can’t mitigate the risks enough.

yes I said cereal in my op post because cereal is the messy play. Weetabix, rice crispies, cheerios etc.

well I was there when they were having snack and that’s what they were eating plus that’s what she told me. ‘Out crackers are gluten free and we have dairy free spread.’
why is that so hard to believe ??

That sucks OP I'm sorry. I believe in the US this would be considered disability discrimination but not in the UK (or at least the UK hasn't had court cases testing whether this could fall under disability discrimination so there's no precedent to fall back on). You've asked for reasonable adjustments which imo they could cater to if they tried.

What are the other nursery options like?

I’ve offered to buy gluten free flour to make play dough as they have it out daily or even make it myself and asked that they wouldn’t have pasta/cereals out on my child’s days.

I think that's a big ask. Nursery is mass childcare and not designed to be tailored to one child.

They probably buy the play dough and don't want to make it. Is it possible to buy wheat free play dough?

They're more likely to make it with the kids.

Yes, Amazon UK stock a couple of brands - but it's very expensive. A nursery won't be able to afford only buying that instead of normal playdough.
And in the end can parents afford it? Have they realised how much money they will spend on extra stuff for nursery.
If child attends a childminder it's far less amount to provide because of less children.

Because it's so expensive to serve allergy food and I don't see why a nursey on a tight budget would go 100% gluten/milk free - and tbh I wouldn't be happy as a parent to non allergy kids that they are served only products made for people with diet needs.

They have dairy free spreed isn't the same as they only have non dairy spreed. It has been practise in my childrens' nursery that only allergy children were served allergy diet and both kind of spreed were on the table.

I feel you Op as an allergy parent and I don’t know what the solution is. I’m not defending the nursery here, just giving what I think could be some of the reasons -

I think they’re probably worried about cross contamination from the cereal in the messy play (or whatever) meaning they can literally never use that stuff when he is there. Same with the play doh. Kids stuff it in toys and it gets in the carpet and all sorts, they’d have to move the whole nursery over to the new type.

Plus it would probably be easy for a staff member to possibly forget something like that, which of course could be dangerous for your child.

Also agree with above poster that just because they serve gluten free dairy free food, it doesn’t mean that it is safe for a severe allergy sufferer. Truly safe food can be expensive or restrictive on other ingredients and there is also the cross contamination issue. It is very different if your child can just not eat the other crackers but the other children can, v he is at risk if anyone eats them at all. They may just not be comfortable with that risk sadly

In my experience of nurseries it actually sounds quite good that:

• they are able to identify a risk which they feel unable to fully protect against. Many providers go after money and just hope for the best.
• they are considering ALL the children and staff and deciding that the restrictions on other children and stress on staff may be too much without your DD having 1:1 funding.
• they are not prioritising an extra child at the expense of the staff and children. It's not just about a bit of extra cash.

To be honest, I would like to work there!

They are not going to want so much hassle and fuss over one child if they can fill the space with someone else. It sounds harsh, but it’s probably just more trouble than it’s worth for them.

well I was there when they were having snack and that’s what they were eating plus that’s what she told me. ‘Out crackers are gluten free and we have dairy free spread.’
why is that so hard to believe ??

Most settings would have different snacks every day. In the same way that they wouldn't have apples every day.

@Costumemaker
Obviously I am most worried about the severe allergies, especially with any spilt milk or others milky hands.

What are you expecting here then, that no one else is allowed any of the severe allergy food (you seem to have gone back and forth on this)? I think if that's your expectation I'm not surprised they've said no.

I wouldn't describe a nursery who's said they can't keep my child safe, as my favourite.

I can't understand why you are saying you trust this place when they've rejected you on the basis they can't keep your child safe. Time to move on to a nursery that can meet your child's needs - that will be a great nursery.

As others have said, there is a big difference between a child not being able to consume dairy and a child not being able to be touched by others with milk on their hands/lips/clothes.