Favourite nursery won’t accept child due to allergies

[Costumemaker]

Hello,

Just having a little sad rant but also looking for advice from other parents with children who suffer from food allergies.

I’ve found a fab nursery- absolutely in love with it but sadly they won’t accept my child due to allergies. It’s only 9- lunchtime so not even all day and they bring their own packed lunch, it would only be snack time to watch out but also messy play.

I’ve offered to buy gluten free flour to make play dough as they have it out daily or even make it myself and asked that they wouldn’t have pasta/cereals out on my child’s days. I only need 15 hours a week so wouldn’t even be 5 days. I would do 3 at most.

The manager isn’t being friendly about it either and just saying they can’t promise to keep child safe which I understand but tbh I can’t even keep them safe at home or when I go out to soft play/ park all the time. I just feel really sad about it as I don’t think I’m asking for above and beyond just a little extra care.
I’m also very upset because they have someone else starting with the same allergy and are happy to accommodate them but not my child because they have more allergies. I’m also very upset because I know they previously accepted a child who had an extensive list of allergies under a huge hospital (v well known for children’s care) but again won’t take mine.

Any Advice or experience from others?

We have a girl in out Girl Guide group which can't do gluten and milk - like me. But she is in risk of anaphylactic shock if she eats egg. We don't serve any eggs of course butt it can be in processed food at the table at meals. We can't go vegan/glutenfree 100%. I sit next to her at all meals or the other RN leader does.

We (I) buy her food. Mum trusts me but I always ask her to have a look in the box before we leave. All girl's food is keep separate in a box away from other food and I buy and bring ingrediens and cook her food (and mine) separate. I wash our dished to msje sure no crosstermination (which I would do anyway with my food and my own needs)

It is hours spend away from the girls and if my need wasn't more or less the same I am not sure it would be possible. We bring an extra adult because of my time away from children doing these tasks.

If it was only me taking part in camp I would simply eat vegetables and my own bread brought from home and not fuss a lot over it - but a child needs a proper diet away from home.

She is year 3 now and she is well aware of her needs and risks - but things can go wrong so easy.
We are two RNs in our leader group at camps and well trained so that's also a reason why we are confident to bring her to camps.

All girls and parents are asked (and happy to) no bring anything to eat in bags or pockets treating girls. We normally ask them to bring some sweets for a nice time.

This girl's taking part in camp is resource-intensive and time-consuming to a degree few people understand.

We like to be an inclusive scout corps and anyway my diet is an issue anyway.
We have worked hours with girl guide safe guiding officer and parents to come this far - and go over plans every time we plan a camp away from home. And she is only able to join if both RNs take part and an extra adult.

Next camp from Thursday to Sunday I'm going to attend a family wedding on Saturday. The girl's mother comes Saturday morning and stays rest of the camp.
Years 1 and 2 she attended 100% of camps to safe guide kid.

There is no catering for the weekly meetings. Otherwise there is often some bread and jam or snacks. And no activities including food.
It's the easiest way to secure the girl and us.

I understand that the kindergarten has reservations and say no.
Having responsibility for a child who can die in your hands if you are off for a minute is a very big responsibility and quite a few scout leaders and employees in kindergartens do not or should not take this. We are not a nursery but things are alike.

It's surprising that this isn't discrimination. Having said that, in addition to what other posters have said I think you're underestimating the messy play element. A tuff tray with say crushed Weetabix and farm animals will be set up for several days or even the week so it's not as simple as just not having it out on certain days. Yes they could do other things but it is limiting their provision and will have an impact on others. If those toys have been touching cereal, how careful would nursery need to be in terms of washing them? When we had to wash all our EYFS toys daily during COVID it really became a massive job and took up limited staffing time.

@Frontedadverbials my understanding is that businesses can be expected to make reasonable adjustments for eg health conditions but not ones that would be too expensive to be commercially viable eg installing a lift in a listed building or having to hire an extra staff member to watch a specific child,

As a parent of a nursery child with a relatively straightforward milk and soya allergy - I’d suggest you start now working out where you’re willing to accept risk lines.

There’s a huge difference between ‘don’t deliberately feed my child anything with any of these ingredients in’ compared with ‘my child must not be exposed to any of these’.

Nursery age kids are mucky creatures. The one that had peanut butter sandwich as a snack in the car will come in with it on their hands, face and jumper. The ones who have cows milk with their morning snack will then blow a milky spit raspberry in the face of another child. The holes in the mega blocks will have tactically stashed Cheerios from last weeks messy play in them.

And that’s before you get into things like the diary free spread having pea protein in it as a stabiliser etc. or that several things you’ve listed are non top allergens so aren’t clearly identified on packaging.

We pick our battles. We pick what we tell settings. It means we can get served in some restaurants or cafes that otherwise wouldn’t.

Your lines may need to be much tighter than ours, but each line narrows down your options so you’ll need to work out how to get the balance right.

Good luck!

That’s a huge list :-( I’m sorry you and your little one have to deal with this. Hopefully they’ll grow out of some with time. It’s very frustrating they can’t accommodate especially as it’s not even meals that are the issue. Several nurseries here refuse to use food in play for wastage and bad association reasons. Hope you find somewhere suitable.

I would suggest that you contact the early years team at your local authority for help. They may speak to the nursery on your behalf and negotiate a compromise.

I thought that nurseries basically have to take children and make the necessary arrangements, even if that means 1 to support. I know it's not the same, but I used to support nursery parents with ehc plans and nurseries had to come up with support for even the most challenging children - they never refused these children.

Often the nurseries would allocate an apprentice to give 1 to 1 support. To be honest, larger nurseries and chains are more likely to be able to put the resources in than a small independent.

Good luck.

They are telling you they can't keep your child safe. Listen to them.

Why would nurseries have to take children and provide 1 to 1 support if necessary?

Most are private businesses - they can’t be expected to take on charges that are economically viable for them.

Because there are laws against discrimination due to disability and sen. This explains it https://contact.org.uk/help-for-families/information-advice-services/education-start/education-learning/support-in-the-early-years/

Often the nurseries would allocate an apprentice to give 1 to 1 support. To be honest, larger nurseries and chains are more likely to be able to put the resources in than a small independent.

That's one hell of a responsibility for a young person.

As a former teacher, mother of an anaphylactic child and of a seventeen and a twenty year old I'd say it was completely irresponsible to ask an apprentice to be told to keep a three year old with anaphylaxis in a nursery safe.

Have you ever worked in a nursery? It's like juggling jelly.

Or on the other hand, it IS a great nursery because they've declined her child, rather than taking them on AND then the child has an allergic reaction because they couldn't fully keep them safe?

Does a food allergy count as a disability?

A school is entitled to consider health and safety and effect on other pupils in its decisions, and presumably a nursery setting would be able to also.

The law doesn’t define what is reasonable. When looking at making a reasonable adjustment, a school can take into account:

• Cost.
• Practicality.
• Effectiveness of the adjustment.
• Effect on other pupils.
• Health and safety considerations.
• The need to uphold academic, musical or sporting standards.

I was talking about the children whose families I worked with, who usually had autism. I was making a more general point that the nurseries had to support these children, not say no, come up with solutions.

I'm not saying that an apprentice is appropriate in this case. But it is the case that people on this thread seem to think that the nursery can say no. And I don't think they can due to the disability act.

Btw my daughter works for a nursery. They don't turn children down due to additional needs even if it places huge demands on them.

Have a look at the natasha foundation Facebook page it's really useful. Her mum went to every possible length to try and keep natasha safe (but very sadly ultimately couldn't due to food labelling)

My daughter had the same profile of severe allergies minus sesame at nursery. Thankfully she’s now outgrown the wheat allergy! I’ve also recently had an after school refuse to take her. She went to an amazing nursery which I found by asking other allergy parents, they were great and kept her safe without making her feel different, and didn’t make a fuss about accommodating her either. I’ve actually found two after school clubs that will take her now and she has started at one - the other one it turns out the owner’s daughter is anaphylactic to milk. Keep asking around, there are lots of things that can be done. I know it can all feel a bit desperate at times.

Yes it does if severe. It can be hugely disabling

Your child doesn't have gluten listed as an allergy... Wheat allergies are not the same as gluten ones.

I think you've possibly caused an unnecessary level of concern. What types of reaction do they get? How do you manage at home or in the supermarket for example?

If it's consumption, then playing with pasta or play-doh shouldn't really affect them at all. (And no, I'm not heartless).

It’s not also not having things out for those 15 hours. If they then got the pasta/playdough out at other times, then the whole classroom or rooms would need a deep clean before your child came in the next day/week. I know children with coeliac serious that they can’t touch the table/items which have been used with the gluten. Which means that all the laminated bits of card the teacher has out for directing play dough use would also need scrubbing each time. As for the pasta and many pulses; these are often used on free sensory play on trays etc for them to explore. They’re used as they are edible so usually kids who put things in their mouths are safe to ingest in small amounts. However these things also get everywhere. You can be sweeping up lentils for days. You can’t guarantee the classroom environment would be safe for the OPs child of all these things were out in between their visits.

I think it’s really sad they can’t accommodate. But it is also down to their confidence and the fact that there’s been so much in the news where people have died or become severely disabled due to accidentally being in contact with allergens.

Also if you have cashew specifically on the list you need to add pistachio. They seem to cause the same reaction as they are similar types of nuts. I have a child allergic to those and some restaurants won’t even serve her food that contains hazelnut or peanut even en though she’s fine with these as they like to take the better be careful stance. Her primary school wouldn’t let her take part in a tasting activity of pain au chocolate due to them containing hazelnut even though she eats them on a daily basis as they wanted to treat her as totally nut free. Poor kid has to watch the class eat her favourite snack and nothing was offered in replacement.

It’s also such a shame that free from allergen foods are so expensive. Ranges have improved over the years, and some costs are better but they are still expensive when providing for one child separately in a larger group. I’m a teacher and youth group leader and we do manage to support allergies and provide safe spaces and alternative items but it’s hugely expensive. Not as bad as when I first went dairy free and you could only buy dairy free milk/cheese etc at Holland and Barratnfor literally 5 times the price of dairy versions.

I would think it does. I think the nursery is trying it on in the hope the parents will go elsewhere.

"Allearly years providers must follow the Early Years Foundation Stage (EYFS) framework. This includes having arrangements in place to identify and support disabled children and children who have, or may have, additional needs or medical conditions."

I don’t doubt that it is disabling (D Nephew has allergies though not as severe) but I am not sure if it is a disability in the meaning of this law.

My understanding of the link is that the LA has to make sure there are sufficient local places for children with additional needs, but these do not necessarily need to be at any specific setting. IANAL so may be wrong.

My son’s nursery were really really good with allergies - he had a friend who had all the same ones you’ve listed OP. They made all the crafts with GF stuff eg gf rice crispies and gf flour.

the only difference was at lunchtime the little boy had to sit on a separate table from all the other kids to stop him grabbing food (he was a very a very swift grabber!!)

find another more accommodating nursery IMO

My advice is find another nursery. There are lovely nurseries out there that will and can accommodate. Allergy parent here and we had an awful experience at our first nursery. Then found the most lovely one who went the extra mile. You wont stop worrying if you go with this one. And then you'll beat yourself up if anything happens. Good luck x

Being unable to meet a child’s needs isn’t discrimination though.

There will be many children who cannot attend mainstream nursery settings because the nursery cannot meet the child’s needs.

It’s a huge ask of a nursery setting to have to exclude several major food groups due to risk of anaphylaxis for one part-time attendee.

There’s making accommodations, and then there’s having to substantially change how you run your business and the service offered to every other customer.

@YellowphantGrey I didn't say the nursery wasn't a good nursery. I said it doesn't make sense that OP is desperate to put her kid in there because she trusts them to keep her kid safe, when they are literally declining her because they can't keep her safe. That doesn't mean the nursery is bad. But a great nursery for OPs child is one that can keep her safe. So it's not 'on the other hand', you just didn't understand my point.

to identify and support disabled children and children who have, or may have, additional needs or medical conditions.

A nursery refused to have my dnephew, who is autistic. He required 1:1 but they didn't have a 1:1 for him so they said he needed to go somewhere else which could support him properly. Sometimes 'supporting' is saying you are unable to meet needs. That is permitted.