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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Support thread for parents of nursery newbies - come and wring your hands here

125 replies

midnightexpress · 16/04/2008 14:09

WanderingTrolley's suggestion that we start a support thread for anxious parents whose dcs are starting nursery.

DS2 (15 months) had his first settling-in session this morning and wailed through most of it.

His big brother (2.5) is much more independent and settled fairly easily, but ds2 much more of a velcro-boy, so I suspect this might be a bit harder than ds1 was for us. Also we're moving house on Friday (great timing) so the poor wee thing has quite a lot on his plate at the moment.

Anyone else? Come and join - bring your own tissues. I have gin.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ladykay · 30/04/2008 17:31

Good luck calmdowndear, sounds like you and I are in the same boat! We must be strong - at least we have MN! I'd be totally bouncing off the walls otherwise I think.

calmdowndear · 30/04/2008 19:23

Thanks ladykay

preggersplayspop · 30/04/2008 19:56

Good luck tomorrow Calmdowndear! I've found it easier to hand over DS after a brief chat with the nursery staff about how he is that day, with a big smile and kiss for DS (even when I feel like crying), say "bye bye see you later" and then walk out....quickly....and don't look back. Its horrible, but I think its better for both of us if I don't hang around, otherwise I think I would get distressed trying to calm down my DS and he would sense my anxiety as well and it would just make him worse. He cried again at handover time today, but it was definitely less than other days and he actually reached for the nursery worker I handed him too.

Ladykay - is there any way you can delay your return to work by a couple of days so that you can be at home when he does his first full days rather than stressing about it at work? I agree that doing a full day may really help him get into a routine and you may find it better once he has this under his belt. I think its helped us.

PuppyDogTails · 30/04/2008 21:11

I do exactly the same preggers - big kiss and flamboyant goodbye, have a lovely time etc, quick get away then collapse in a nervous heap in the car!

Good luck all tomorrow.

ladykay · 30/04/2008 21:54

preggers hmm, well I just arranged to do just mornings the first week back to give him a bit more time - I can't actually postpone it now, but maybe instead of him just having more half days, it would be better for him to do full days as planned and me to be home for the afternoon frantically sorting a cupboard out rather than being weepy at work. Hmm. Glad to hear full days have helped you, I'm holding out for this now! Good lucks all round from me too ladies.

calmdowndear · 01/05/2008 12:10

Just dropped him off and wish I'd read about the flamboyant goodbye first! Must try that next time rather than the rubbish sneaking out whilst he was crying departure I did today!

He did seem v.slightly better though and although it was a different nursery nurse today I gave him too she did seem very nice and asked all the right questions.

ladykay · 01/05/2008 20:46

Very glad to hear that calmdowndear! Don't want to speak too soon but I think we had a better day too! It was a longer session and he managed to sleep (which I thought would never happen) and ate all his lunch and had a play! Sounds like a good day to me! There were also tears of course, but I thought I could see the kind of happy times he would have soon, good regular days, and feel I can start to think of other things again!

PuppyDogTails · 01/05/2008 21:57

We had a good day too - DS has apparently now got a girlfriend, he was feeding her cheese at teatime, the women said it was like Lady and the Tramp! A few tears at the beginning but over in a few seconds.

A woman at work was telling me today that her DC got to the stage where they loved nursery so much that they didn't want to go home - she had to drag a screaming child out of a playhouse on a few occasions!

ladykay · 01/05/2008 22:21

That's too cute! I've got to say, I keep hearing the same thing, about how much they love it when they are more confident there. I was starting to think I should have gone the CM route (but just whipping myself as I wasn't going to change unless things got just worse) but he's a boisterous boy and I hope we're through the worst. I swear, when he's feeling confident they won't know what's hit them!!

Eddas · 09/05/2008 08:00

just found this thread and thought i'd post. I am looking at a nursery today for ds(1) and dd(4) if they start this will be the first time they've been to a nursery, although dd goes to preschool. Before now i've had family looking after them, but they can't do it anymore.

Has anyone only visited one place and gone with that? I rang round yesterday and this is the only one with space for them both on the same day I have a recommendation for them though from a friend of a friend(who i've met) and they said it's lovely. I'm off to visit at 10 [nervous]

DD is very adaptable so am hopeful she'll be ok. Plus in Jan she's starting school anyway so it's only for 6 months(ish) and ds is only 1(last month) so he should be ok

I'm just really and stupidly nervous.

ladykay · 09/05/2008 11:39

I only visited one as this was in a perfect position near home but on route to work - also recommended by a friend which I think counts for a lot. I would have been stuck if I didn't like it but I really did, I loved their enthusiasm and the way they were very keen to fit in with the baby's routine. Hope you had a good feeling about it today - do you have a backup option or do you need this one to work?

Eddas · 09/05/2008 21:30

hi ladykay, i really liked the nursery. The staff were friendly and the kids all looked happy. they have a little garden and the older ones go out for trips. Infact dd's room looked very much like her preschool with free play, quiet corner, paint always out etc. I think she'll love it. Ds' room was cute too. They're allowed up to 12 1-2 year olds but the day I want there's only 6 atm so that's good. I think the preschool room is pretty full but that's good as it means people want to send their kids there. I'm pretty positive about it but tbh there are no other options

I'm going to be quite nervous leaving them but that's natural and they will hopfully grow to love it. I talked to dd about it today and explained what'll happen. She was quite excited about new friends, even asked what they were called. When i said i didn't know she said i'll ask a teacher and then tell them 'and i'm Georgia' bless.

the manager and assistant manager were really friendly. I talked to them for quite a while. they seemed very approachable and have both been there for 7(ish) years.

ladykay · 10/05/2008 05:19

I'm glad you liked the nursery - it does sound nice. I was convinced by how happy all the kids looked too! Even though there are no other real options, you only need one good one. Like you say, you're bound to be nervous whatever. I've been through the wringer over the last month, quite naturally but fairly unnecessarily as it turns out! I'm sure your 4 year old will be happy as Larry and your one year old may take a couple of weeks to settle (if anything like mine) but will flourish too Good luck, it sounds like a good 'un to me!

Eddas · 12/05/2008 11:06

well, i've taken the forms in and they start for a full day on friday they have a settling in session on thursday, 10.3-1 then straight in with 8-6(but htink i'll get them earlier)

at least i won't have time to worrymaybe

preggersplayspop · 13/05/2008 21:49

Hi Eddas, I only visited one as well - also due partly to convenience/availability in my area. At the time (I had to book a place before my DS was born!) I didn't know anyone to recommend nurseries and I had a bit of a wobble closer to the time to putting him in as to whether it was OK so I went back a couple of times after the birth to revisit it.

I was also won over by the happy smiling faces of all the children there (difficult to get them to perform to visitors I reckoned) and the warmth of the carers. I'm happy with my choice so far even though settling in has been quite tough at times.

Hope you settling in goes ok.

Eddas · 15/05/2008 09:36

preggersplayspop, thanks for your story. good to hear i'm not the only one to visit just one place. I think we are so used to choice about everything it's weird when there isn't one.

Today is the settling in session. They go in an hour. i've just put ds down for a sleep as the 1-2 yo sleep between 12 and 2.30 so he won't get much of one today as i pick him up at 1.

i'm sure they'll be ok but as a parent i think you just worry anyway. i'm off to the shops whilst they're there to distract myself will have my mobile on loud and vibrate just incase

preggersplayspop · 15/05/2008 11:26

I went to the shops too and tried on a massive pile of clothes, ah it was bliss! (I did feel a tiny bit guilty though because I enjoyed it so much)

Eddas · 15/05/2008 15:49

well, all was fine dd didn;t really even bother saying goodbye ds did cry but settled quite quickly. dd only got teary when other children were collected but then she used to all children going home at the same time at her preschool so that's fair enough. She'll be fine once she knows the routine. I came back to find ds fast asleep, which was so cute. They'd even worked out his blanket goes over his head to get him to nod off unless he did that himself wouldn't suprise me

dd didn't eat her lunch but she'll get used to that and they're only there one day a week so won't matter too much.

I did leave with an invoice though oh well has to be paid for i guess

ladykay · 16/05/2008 10:42

Hi Preggers, hope you feel you are 'getting there' a bit? We still have plenty of wobbles throughout the day and tears when I leave, but compared to the settling in period it seems much more 'normal' - in fact I think the tears when I leave lead to him settling quicker, whereas when he seemed fine he would later work out I wasn't still in the vacinity (even though I'd done a big goodbye) and bawl for the rest of the session. So now he has some really happy periods as well as some tears, and I can deal with this better as just a transition period I think. But it is hard.
Hi Eddas, glad your first session went well! I'm still waiting for my first invoice - I'll probably get a scary whopper after a while. I too went clothes shopping! My ds hates changing rooms, so after 9 months pregnancy, 5 months wearing a papoose and 4.5 months screaming in his pushchair in changing rooms, it was heaven to wander round the shops trying stuff on, but weird too!

glitterandsparkle · 16/05/2008 11:27

hi all, just wanted to reassure some of you mummies. i work in nursery (0 - 1 yr olds) and it will take a little while for children to settle in. often they will cry when parent comes to pick them up, sort 'how could you have left me' guilt inducing cry. if you give it time your LO will develop a special bond with their key worker and hopefully you will to.

with regards to not eating nursery food, that is something that will come in time. ask nursery staff to introduce a little of the nursery food alongside their stuff brought from home. i had one baby who was fed baby food jars at home so i used to mix it with some cooked fresh veg at nursery to get them used to the taste.

stay strong ladies it will get better.

my own dd goes to nursery where i work and i was exactly the same even though i knew who was looking after her. she starts reception in sept and i know i will be a state when i see her in that little uniform.

preggersplayspop · 16/05/2008 19:53

Hi Ladykay, we are doing well. I feel like we turned a bit of a corner this week. Its been the first time he has not been ill with something and he has been so much happier. He hasn't cried when I dropped him off and he has actually eaten some of the nursery food !! He's been sleeping well there too (not so good at home unfortunately, but he's teething AGAIN). He's been full of beans at home too, babbling like mad and really smiley. I hardly recognise him! I think, dare I say it, that he is starting to enjoy it.

Glitterandsparkle, its good to hear things from your perspective. I've found it comforting that some of the nursery staff at my nursery also have their children there.

ladykay · 17/05/2008 08:01

That's great to hear Preggers! Mine's also sleeping okay at nursery but all gone to pot at home, for the same reason! Not even one tooth through yet but think this must be the cause THIS time. And he also seems to be in a great mood at home with lots to say, except when he had two sleeps at nursery and still crashed out at 5pm as soon as we got home so I didn't get to spend ANY time with him A vision of the teenage years!!

mrsbrabbit · 27/05/2008 09:14

So glad I found this thread! I took my 11.5 month old DD for her first hour settling in on Friday and I cried before I'd even got through the nursery door. She cried when I left her and cried on and off for the half an hour that I had to leave her with her key worker. What a nightmare! She's got her second session this morning which I've been dreading all weekend but feel a little better having read about everyone else's experiences. She'll only be going to nursery two days a week but I can't help feeling I'm letting her down by leaving her. Hopefully today will go a bit better. Fingers crossed...

Eddas · 29/05/2008 08:40

how did it go mrsbrabbit? i'm very lucky because dd(nearly 4) is really adaptable and seems like she's always been there. They only go on fridays but she's been asking all week if it's nursery day ds is struggling a bit more but from what the staff say is doing well considering it's only been 2 full days so far(he's 13 months)

Don't feel guilty, you're not letting dd down by leaving her. they are clinging at this age plus they learn how to guilt you into doing what they want. i know that sounds silly but they do. She will get used to it, it will take a while and she may cry when you leave but I bet anythign that after a few mins she's fine.

Although my dc have only been at a nursery a couple of weeks they used to go to SIL's and i remember dd clinging to me at various stages(fine for a few months then crying for me not to go for a bit, then back to fine) SIL always said that by the time i was off the drive she was asking for toast/tv/books etc little monkey

jonah75 · 29/05/2008 19:52

hi, soooo glad i found this thread. My LO is 14.5 months and has been in nursery for the last month. She had a great settling in week and was even waving goodbye. I think she lulled me into a false sense of security as now she starts to cry when we get to the front door!

The staff tell me she settles very quickly and seems to have no problems with eating/sleeping ( in fact she eats stuff at nursery that she won't at home ...little monkey!!)

She goes 2 days a week 8-5 she has to go....but i feel so bad. i think the worst bit is that she now bawls when i pick her up. She seems so cross with me, its very upsetting.
Its reassuring to read other newbies stories and to know there is hope.

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