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Original poster

Support thread for parents of nursery newbies - come and wring your hands here

125 replies

midnightexpress · 16/04/2008 14:09

WanderingTrolley's suggestion that we start a support thread for anxious parents whose dcs are starting nursery.

DS2 (15 months) had his first settling-in session this morning and wailed through most of it.

His big brother (2.5) is much more independent and settled fairly easily, but ds2 much more of a velcro-boy, so I suspect this might be a bit harder than ds1 was for us. Also we're moving house on Friday (great timing) so the poor wee thing has quite a lot on his plate at the moment.

Anyone else? Come and join - bring your own tissues. I have gin.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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PuppyDogTails · 25/04/2008 13:32

How did it go zebedee?

I've been in tears every time I have left DS over the last 2 weeks!

zebedee1 · 25/04/2008 19:22

All went very well this morning, it was just the first day so I stayed with DS for the hour and a half he was there. I did go off and do some paperwork and have some tea with the nursery owner at one point... and the little bugger never even looked round for me. I think he thought it was just another playgroup, he was all over the toys and crawling up his key worker making himself well at home! Not sure how he's going to be when he's there on his own for a whole day? He hates going to sleep so it will be interesting to see if they can get him to nap. I'm going to leave him for an hour on Monday

Sorry to hear that you are upset on leaving your DS puppydogtails, it's grim isn't it? How is your DS getting on?

PuppyDogTails · 25/04/2008 19:44

Don't worry about the naps zebedee, my DS is nightmare to get to sleep during the day at home, the nursery seems to have no problems. I think they have special secrets that only nurseries know!

I would be fine leaving him if he didn't seem to get so upset. The first time I left him he was fine. Since then though he knows what's going on and starts crying as soon as I start to hand him over. Yesterday I was sitting in the car listening to him crying until I decided it was doing me no good. He does settle and when I go to pick him up he's fine. I think he'll be better when he gets into a proper routine rather than just ad hoc days. I start work on Monday so there's no more practicing now! I am really happy with the nursery I've chosen, they try their hardest to comfort him and he always smells of perfume when he comes home. They do things with him that I never would - he 'painted' an owl on Thursday!

zebedee1 · 25/04/2008 20:02

Ah, it sounds like little puppydogtails has a nice time when he is there with his painting and cuddles! I'm sure he's just fine soon after you go. My DS cried every time I left him at the creche in my gym but if I peeped throiugh the door 5 minutes later he was having a nice cuddle with his carer.

calmdowndear · 25/04/2008 21:06

Glad I found this thread my ds is 12 months and we're at the start of the settling in sessions. So far he is doing fine but I'm far more upset than I thought I'd be. I leave him there for a couple of hours on Monday and I'm dreading it already.

PuppyDogTails · 25/04/2008 21:38

It's really difficult but you have to remember that it's harder for you than it is for them! They will probably cry when you leave them, but it will be short lived and they will soon be too busy doing interesting things to be upset.

PuppyDogTails · 25/04/2008 21:39

Sounds like we're all going back to work after 12 months off then

preggersplayspop · 25/04/2008 21:49

Looks like it! I'm going back part-time to do 25 hours a week. With the commute though it will be 3 days at 8-6 in the nursery and one half day. What about everyone else? DS has not actually done a full 8-6 day in the nursery yet. It seems like SUCH a long time for him to be there.

PuppyDogTails · 25/04/2008 21:54

I've just got a new job as the commute with my old one would have meant nursery 7am-7pm. I've been very lucky, I'm doing 3 days 9am-4pm and the commute is only 20 minutes. I'll have to do some work in the evenings once DS is in bed, but rather that than the alternative. Will get me off MN at least!

I'm not just saying this to comfort you preggers but DS has been happier when he's been in for a full day rather than a half day. Being there longer helps him settle, he gets into the routine better. I honestly don't think they have a real sense of time.

preggersplayspop · 25/04/2008 22:01

You're probably right re the time thing, he's nearly done a few full days and seemed happy enough then - closest being 10 to 5.30, so I just need to stretch it out that bit longer. Again, its me that suffers more I think!

7-7 would have been rough so don't blame you for looking for a new job. I'm going to play it by ear and see how the commute goes, 20 mins sounds good!

AlmostaYearNow · 26/04/2008 07:48

hello
I'm currently settling my dd into nursery (she's 11 months today!) We have a 2 week settling in period, which seemed ample time for a no-cry nursery solution type of settling in. But, having read this thread, I think that was a bit naive of me. dd goes to a playgroup in the nursery about 3 times a week, so thought she'd love it there, but on the first day she was very clingy. On the second day, she whimpered when I left for 5 secs. Third day was slightly better and I left her for three periods, one lasting 25 mins. Yesterday, her keyworker wasn't there (gone on holiday until next Thurs!) and she cried a few minutes into our 10 minute separation. The nursery staff looking after her wanted me to leave her for 30 minutes, but I just couldn't. Feel a bit of a wimp and both dd and I went home sobbing.
On the other hand, think one of the problems was her keyworker not being there, can't understand why they would okay hols during the settling in period of her child. will have a chat with nursery head about it Monday.

just wanted to share and get off my chest.

zebedee1 · 26/04/2008 09:51

Erm, I can't believe that your DD has been given a key worker who is going to be away during her very important settling in time? Surely the nursery manager should have given your DD another key worker or asked you to settle DD in when she was there? I think you are right to bring this up with the nursery manager.

I'm glad to hear that puppydogstails' DS seems to settle better after a long day, DS's key worker also said this. My DS will be in nursery from 8.00-5.30 3 days a week, but I'm so lucky to be able to go back just 3 days, should be a nice balance of work and DS and some spare money at last - hurrah!

Calmdowndear, I am also leaving DS for a few hours on Monday, we can hold virtual hands together!!

missorinoco · 26/04/2008 10:09

hello ladies
my ds is now settled at nursery, loves it and practically dives out of dh's arms to get at the ready brek when he arrives.

his settling in was heat rendering and involved lots of me sitting in reception for 15 mins while he was in nursey (crying). i didn't believe he'd ever settle, but he did, and he loves it.

puppydogtails, he cried whe being handed over for a few months, and i think some always do, although they settle v fast when you go.

good luck

AlmostaYearNow · 26/04/2008 10:29

didn't know whether it was normal for key worker to be away for half the settling in period, or whether I was being a bit precious about it all. glad to hear you find it a bit off too, Zeb. Feel ill thinking about how my dd has been messed around and I should have said something sooner (though I was only told keyworker was going away the day b4 she actually went away!)

meep · 26/04/2008 10:40

Can I join in - we are now almost 3 months in and dd sems to love it there. But she WILL NOT SLEEP!!!! Some days I get her back and she's has had a max of 20 mins during the whole day! She conks out as soon as her head hits the cot when we get home then wakes with a wail about twice a night. I think she's just overtired. She's just been in for Thurs and Friday and is having a mega morning nap (almost 2 hours so far!).

Big sympathy for the bugs and germs - dd (and me and dh) has had everything - she is a walking petri dish of germs!!!

Original poster
midnightexpress · 26/04/2008 21:45

Hi all, I started the thread and then promptly went offline while we moved house, just as ds2 was starting nursery. It's been a bit of a week for him, poor sausage - he didn't take at all kindly to being left at nursery. He's there three mornings, and they did gradually get better as the week went on, but like your dd meep, his sleep (never great at the best of times) has gone for a burton, so we're hoping he'll settle down again soon, once he gets used to things a bit.

We are hoping that the numerous lurgy that he has caught from his big bro will stand him in good stead and that he will not be quite as bug-ridden as ds1 was when he started - OMG the D&V was quite something to behold - it started about a week after he got to nursery - I had just gone guiltily back to work and was 20 weeks pg with ds2. I am therefore quite hardened to all this, but it's still horrible leaving them at the start.

OP posts:
EdieMcredie · 28/04/2008 15:56

Hello everyone. Im taking my DD to look at my chosen nursery on Friday.

Anyone have any tips on what kind of questions to ask?? Im sure ill forget-might right them down (anal).

She is 7 months.

Thanks

EdieMcredie · 28/04/2008 15:56

Can't beleive I just spelt 'write' as 'right'. Forgive me...im nervous!

MrsBadger · 28/04/2008 15:58

read their Ofsted ad ask searching qs re the things they scored worst on

AlmostaYearNow · 28/04/2008 16:09

OFSTED is an okay guide, but some reports are too out of date.
ask to see where babies nap, do they settle them?
look at where they keep milk/food - is it hygenic?
do they have access to outside space?
food - organic, home cooked, or turkey twizzlers?
nappy changing routine?
staff to baby ratio?

most importantly, trust your instincts. and don;t be nervous, if you have more questions, you can always phone them up later, or, better still, go for another visit.

EdieMcredie · 28/04/2008 16:10

MB-Had thought about that. Good idea. The report was 'outstanding' in most areas. The most negative point raised was that the staff did not have enough comfy chairs to feed the babies in. If that is the worst that happens im pleased. Oh and I forgot to say that I had a placement there (some years back) as a student nurse and was very impressed.

EdieMcredie · 28/04/2008 16:12

Thanks AAYN. I guess it's about being confident and assertive and thinking about how important it is to get it right when you are trusting your child to someone. Im nervous but mainly excited. It's only going to be a morning a week but really looking forward to her spending time with other children her age.

ladykay · 28/04/2008 16:17

My ds (nine months) is at the end of his settling in period and goes for 2 full days from next week. The big problem is that he doesn't only cry for 5 mins after I've gone, he screams for the whole time, up to the two hour period so far. And he has a key-worker but he seems to see a lot of different people, who are all very friendly and say 'he met me before' but even I can't remember who they all are - how good are babies at faces? Plus I saw them (they all seem very young) trying to rock a crying baby to sleep but they weren't looking at the rocker and it was rocking violently and she was screaming harder so they rocked harder. It's supposed to be a really good nursery - is this one of their 'special' methods??? I'm all a-quiver about it. I so want him to love it but he seems so little and the nursery nurses seem kinda teenageish...

preggersplayspop · 28/04/2008 19:53

Ladykay, the nursery nurses also seem v young to me (but even policemen look young to me now, I am turning into my mum....), but I came to the view that the most important thing was how they interacted with my DS and that there was a good level of supervision and training where they were less experienced. I agree that instinct and your gut feelings are important. The rocking thing sounds a bit .

My nursery has a few people working in the baby room and I have started to feel that I always seem to hand him over to a different person (nice as they appear to be), but today his key worker seemed to be making a special effort at pick up time which made me feel a bit better. I want my DS to have someone special that he forms an attachment to so I'm going to keep an eye on this and maybe speak to the supervisor of the baby room if it doesn't feel right to me.

zebedee1 · 28/04/2008 20:03

Calmdowndear, how did your LO get on today with his first day? And were you OK when you had to leave him . DS stayed for an hour without me, he was fine when I left him and collected him, just a few grizzles inbetween. It broke my heart when I walked past the garden on my way out and saw him sitting on the rug without me, but then a lovely little girl brought him over a toy and he played with her .

Ladykay, does your DS seem happier with his key worker than the other carers? If so, maybe you could mention this to her or to the nursery manager and suggest that the keyworker looks after him until he is happier and more confident?

Almostayearnow, did you speak to the nursery manager about the key worker being on holiday? How did that go?

And thanks to you all for your positive and reassuring stories, it sounds like they all get to like nursery in the end.... even if they don't sleep very much when they are there!