Complained about Nursery issues - got a 1 month Notice to leave

[Amy04]

I have been sending my 2yo twins to a nursery since a month now. There have been several shortcomings such as:
No updates on the day about my children - what did they do, what did they eat, how are they, their mood, activities, etc. Out of 1 month of going to nursery, I only received updates for 2 days.
Leaving my child with a bottle of milk from the morning till pick up time without cleaning the bottle, adding fresh milk or even trying to help him eat - my son eats well at home and seems to only have milk at the nursery.
Failing to provide warm milk because they cannot leave a member of staff to warm the milk - though they did mention they could warm milk on Day 1.

• a few more issues.

I raised this matter with them. I requested for a meeting to discuss these matters because I said I am not comfortable and I am worried for their well-being if they go to the nursery without having the opportunity to meet the manager and higher up to discuss these matters and come to a solution.

I spoke with them yesterday about this and requested a meeting. They have now sent me a 1 month Notice telling me that their investigation is over and my allegations about no updates and well being are unfounded and they have decided to give a notice.
They also had the cheek to ask if I wanted to send my kids during that 1 month.

I do not want to send my kids somewhere where the people involved in their care are blatantly lying in my face and fobbing me off. I wonder how many more lies I have been told - especially where I notice a change in behaviour and eating pattern of my child.

I dont think it is fair to be charging me with that 1 month nursery fee where I do not plan to send my kids there.

It seems they kicked my kids out because they did not want to deal with the issues I raised.

Where do I go from here?

You've made a pain in the arse of yourself and they don't need your business enough to have to accept it.

They've given you notice, put your energy into finding somewhere else.

Also adjust your expectations...a two year old doesn't need several bottles of warm milk a day! Good grief. Even if that's what you do at home, you can't expect the same in nursery.

I work in a nursery and we don't have the time to update throughout the day. At pick up yes, not throughout the day sending long messages.

We have had multiple children in different daycares from age 3 months to 5 years. Our now almost 2 year old gets a sippy cup of milk, it is cold, we send it in with an ice pack, it comes back empty and unwashed, and we steralise it at home. We offered to switch to water but his daycare lady asked us to wait until 2. We would never ask her to heat it, because she and her helpers have their hands full watching our children, same re. washing our cups. I would expect that from a nanny, not a daycare. I rarely get updates except verbally at pickup (sometimes a video etc, but on an ad hoc basis), and if I am running late, sometimes it is just "here he is/door shuts". The updates were much more frequent for all of my children when they were under 1, but once they are up and moving the childcare workers are truly at capacity safeguarding the children. The ratios are also key, and as a mum to young children I am glad that the daycare is actually adhering to them and not snapping photos/running to the kitchen. Separately, milk should not be microwaved for children as it can form very hot pockets. That may be another reason they are not doing it. The message the OP copied said that they could microwave temporarily, but they likely know they shoudn't do that for safety reasons. I think as almost everyone has said here, a nanny/childminder may be a better fit with what you'd like.

It sounds like the nursery have promised too much and haven't delivered.
Reasonable expectations - brief explanation of day on handover. Dinner menu or being told what they ate yes that is reasonable.
Warm milk - they might not have time to ensure that they always have warm milk but mine did request formula be provided. Leaving milk in a bottle all day is not OK.
Naptime - yes I would think telling them you don't want them to oversleep is reasonable they do have to work around you to a degree.
Clearly it is not a good fit due to the lack of communication and they have fobbed you off.

This can all be done on drop off or pick up.

Op should have told them on drop off regarding the nap, they can't look for messages all day.

We were always told about lunch etc on pick up.

OP wants and expects the nursery to provide the level of service that she would receive were she to hire a private nanny.

YABU and no wonder the nursery say you're OTT.

Hire a nanny

It sounds like you are the problem and they are getting rid because they don’t need the drama

Your expectations of a Nursery are unrealistic.
It sounds like a Nanny may be able to meet your needs better.

If your allegations on updates are unfounded, perhaps there’s a miscommunication somewhere as to how you receive the updates. In my experience, nurseries use an app to send the updates; not text messages from the key worker’s phone. Is there perhaps an app you haven’t logged into yet?

I’m confused about the updates. Do you not get any physical update when you pick them up? I always get a brief update when picking up, like whether they napped/how much they ate but it’s not in any great detail as they have loads of kids to sort out at the same time.

If you do choose to go for another nursery my best advice would be to allow the nursery to get the kids into the nursery routine and to not fret about it being the same as at home. Both of mine do three days a week at preschool and enjoy the routine there with the other children. There aren’t any problems with adapting to the home routine when they are not there.

I’m assuming the milk is part of a medical issue rather than just what they are used to having?

In the message the nursery worker said please speak to us at pick-up but you asked in a message instead. Imagine if every parent asked specific questions about their kids even some of the day, the workers would have to spend time on an app instead of watching the kids.

It sounds as though they over promised and they’re understaffed so they know they can’t meet your expectations which is why they’ve asked you to leave. I fear you may need to lower your expectations about updates and your kids getting special treatment before you send them to a new nursery as you may struggle to find one that isn’t under staffed

Don’t be daft!

He’s 2, why is he constantly drinking milk? How do you know he was crying?

I think the nursery probably were right to cut ties. They're clearly not the right setting for you as they cannot provide what you expect, but what you expect from them is unlikely to be provided in a nursery setting.

In the text exchange the key worker does say ask questions at handover but you keep messaging on the app. Imagine if every parent did that, they'd never be off the phone. It's perfectly understandable that they can't be updating you on what they're doing every minute of the day. Handovers are the time for eating updates.

As PPs have said, milk in the bottle is crazy for a 2 year old. They should have taken it away from the child but if you're insisting he have it in the first place they're likely uneasy taking it from him (he's clearly not even drinking it if it had the same milk in from the morning either so it seems like an absolutely pointless exercise and something he doesn't need). Staff also can't be swanning off to warm milk up through the day for 1 child, I'm surprised they even allow you to bring it in for him. Must be a nightmare to navigate keeping the other toddlers away from it or getting upset because they want milk too.

The months notice will be in the terms and conditions. You might not like it but you've obviously agreed to it contractually, and they're not saying you can't take him there you just don't want to. I'd look for a nanny, they're likely the only setting that can provide the 1:1 in depth attention you think your child needs.

It’s quite unusual to get updates during the day - if they are giving you feedback at the end of the day, surely that’s enough? Giving parents constant updates would mean one less person looking after the children. If you really think you have a case then tell them if they don’t refund your month’s fees you will be reporting them to ofsted, if they have done nothing wrong then they won’t mind I guess.

If you think about it, all the times that nursery staff are writing updates they are not interacting with the kids. So although as a parent it feels nice to have them it's not actually better for the children.

The nursery staff need to be looking after the kids not constantly updating parents. I can see why they didn’t reply to your questions. With nursery you sort of have to assume all is well unless they tell you otherwise. My DCs nursery was great and there were so obviously so good with the kids I always trusted them. The never used an app or a phone to take pics so we would just receive printed pics every so often with a little write up of what they were doing.

6 of one half a dozen of the other.

they sound shit, you come off as a bit irritating.

report to ofsted and find another nursery.

Also get your son to drink chilled milk ffs. How precious?!

I think you are being unreasonable. If your twins were babies I could understand but they are 2 years old and shouldn't need milk during the day and it is over the top to expect them to warm a bottle ? They shouldn't even be having a bottle. Also at 2 years you do mostly have to let go of every little detail and trust the place that they will tell you if there is a problem. They play all day. That's just what they do. They can't give every mum a blow by blow account of what the child's been doing. Theyve been playing that's it !!!! They gave you notice because you were a nightmare with wanting every little detail and they havnt got time to pander to it.

Report to ofstead for what ? Not warming milk 🤣

I don’t think @Amy04 is coming back…

I bet they didn't know on 'registration day 1’ that the toddlers would be on a baby schedule so when they said they could warm milk, they meant at snack time or lunch time.... They shouldn't need a warm bottle of milk at all times, that's terrible for teeth!

Those saying report to Ofsted, there really aren’t any grounds to do so.
In fact Ofsted would agree that a handover at the end of the day is better for meeting the children’s needs and that warm milk in a bottle at 2 is poor oral hygiene.

Sounds like you and your kids aren't ready for nursery. I don't expect updates through the day. You pick them up and say "how's he been?" I only get updates if he got particularly upset at drop off and they let me know he's settled.

Your 2 year old still having warmed milk throughout the day really isn't possible in a nursery setting. They have set snack and lunch times, they get offered food, they eat it or they don't, no ones spoon feeding 2 year olds.

A childminder is probably a better choice.