Help nursery I like is crazy expensive

[tuesdaycandle]

Hi all

Looking for some advice. I have visited 4 nurseries, everyone has told me to go with my gut. First time parent, have never dealt with nurseries before.

The one I got the best feeling about is eye wateringly expensive, although not the most expensive I looked at. The cheapest one is about as cheap as it gets in this area, particularly if the nursery is open in the school holidays and outside of 9-5pm (which I need).

For context I don’t qualify for any of the new childcare help. I have no choice but to work full time from when baby is 9 months old. I’m single with no family local. There are no childminders in my area as you could not afford a suitable property for childminding on a childminder’s pay. I cannot afford a nanny.

I could probably just about pay for my preferred choice, but it would be a real extreme stretch. Nursery fees will likely increase, my salary is unlikely to increase significantly.

What would you do? The cheapest one is new, I liked it and it’s my second favourite, but they were way below capacity (about 5 babies in the room) as it’s so new. I’m not sure whether I’d be so keen once it’s reached full capacity (I think around 20 babies in the room). The reviews are limited as it’s new, it has no Ofsted yet. It’s part of a big nursery chain which has really mixed reviews online.

Part of me thinks that since my child will be spending so much time at nursery (which I hate but can’t change), it’s worthwhile to spend as much as it takes for me to be comfortable. Part of me thinks I can’t afford it, and ultimately nurseries are all similar and it’s not worth it.

Anyone been in a similar position or have any advice? Should I keep looking at more? Please don’t make me feel terrible for being single and working long hours and full time, already feel guilty enough.

Are you sure you don’t qualify for tax free childcare? As long as you work the minimum number of hours (not sure how many that is but you can easily google) and earn under £100k you would qualify.

It’s the same criteria for the 30 hours at 3 at present I think; I would assume the same will apply for the new funded hours at 2 and at 9 months eventually, though I confess I haven’t looked in to it myself.

what’s the price difference between the two nurseries?

What are the prices of each one?

Unless you earn big money you will qualify for tax-free childcare allowance, which will save you about 20% does that make a difference?

What is that really stood out to you about this nursery? Because there are some things that look and sound great but in practice don't matter all that much, like fancy classes bought in or nice decor. What does matter is quality of food, outdoor space and staff turnover.

Tax free childcare you should qualify for or possibly UC towards the fees (but you can only have one or the other so look at which one would be most beneficial) ds has been in full time nursery for 2 years and tax free childcare has saved us a fortune in that time

Oh OP I could’ve posted that! We finally got a spot in the Montessori I’ve had my eye on for months! But my god is it expensive! We visited it today and I was literally drooling. The facilities were amazing and so was the staff! I’m also torn. We haven’t had offers from ‘public’ daycares so we’ve our back against the wall a bit. What makes that daycare so great to you?

I am assuming you or your husband earn 100k+ if you won't qualify for any of the childcare help. In which case spend your money on your favourite.

I spent a fortune on my dd's Montessori and it was worth it (because the other nurseries were crap). Another time and another country.

@Coyoacan the fees though 😳 this one is 1.7k/month but it’s also the closest to our house. If we wait too long to pay the deposit we’ll lose the spot! Childcare is honestly a nightmare!!

Like you OP my little one would be at daycare from 8am to 5pm and I want to make sure I’m comfortable with the place.

As a single mum, are you sure you won't qualify for any financial help??

If not UC, you could claim Tax free childcare and save 20%. Also from September, all children of working parents aged 9 months and above should qualify for up to 15 hours a week funded childcare.

Sorry, comprehension fail. I realise you said you are single. How much difference in price are they?

My 3 dds all went to nursery.
By the time I got to my third, it wasn't the fancy building that I looked at.
It was how warm/genuine/experienced the staff were. How they managed progression between rooms. How good the food was and how often they took the little ones out.

Thanks so much all.

I’m over the £100k (it’s frustrating because a couple each earning £99.9k could get the funding with a household income of £198k). I’m not close to £198k, but sufficiently over £100k that I can’t knock it below by putting money in my pension.

The favourite is a Montessori, it was small and the people just seemed really nice and the kids were all engaged and seemed happy. It pays the London living wage, which I would hope means lower staff turnover and more experienced staff. The food is cooked fresh onsite and the menu looked healthy and varied.

The costs are insane, favourite is around the same as cost as Eton (no joke). The other is about £750 per month cheaper, so the difference is significant.

This, I'd give for vibe and teacher ratio over fancy. In saying that if that is the one you like then do whatever you can to get your child there. I also was in your situation where the most expensive was the one I liked the best, and I have no regrets.

Also seconding overlooking facilities in favor of the staff who you felt most likely to treat your baby with care and attention. All the wooden toys and Montessori learning materials and organic food in the world won’t make up for a baby/toddler who isn’t getting the type and level of attention it needs.

Sorry you’re facing this dilemma, it’s especially hard with your first.

Respectfully, there isn't a single nursery in the UK that costs close to £50k a year (Eton). How much are we actually talking about here?

Spend the money on the one you like.

i put DD into the cheaper nursery at 10 months and it was a disaster. I ended up threatening Ofsted because I just completely lost trust in them taking care of DD or her being happy - they cut corners everywhere.

I then got her into the expensive one and the change was incredible.

it’s one of my biggest parenting regrets.

you cannot put a price on the feeling of not worrying about them all day while you work because you know they are safe and cared for.

If it's actually the same as Eton that is beyond bonkers. If that is, as I suspect, hyperbole - I would advise going for the best nursery you can afford. Early years development is so so important. Our boys will be going to state schools so we have decided to suck it up and send them to an eye-watering but outstanding nursery.
But don't if it's beyond your means. A happy, stress-free mum is more important!

It’s not miles off (granted Eton would be much more if you add in all the extras on top of the basic fees). It’s about £2650 per month. Most expensive I viewed was around £2800. Average here seems to be around £2k-£2.2k per month.

I’ll be doing state school and would look at cheaper pre school options when the time comes.

Are you in London? Do all the nurseries actually have space?

For what it's worth I was really pleased with the nursery we chose for DS1 - Montessori, meals cooked on site, really passionate team of experienced nursery teachers who had been wanting to start their own nursery for years. When DS1 was ready to go we explained that he was under the care of a dietician and that food was an issue for him, explained the food he ate and said that we were hoping being around other children eating would be a big help. We got calls all the time because he was so unhappy. The same story of being absolutely fine in the morning, happily going down for a nap, then refusing to eat anything beyond fruit. They refused to give him a piece of toast or anything because it would set a bad example for the other children, and the poor soul was just hungry and miserable.

We moved house and ended up in the only nursery that had space. Totally different place, lots of plastic toys, seemed pretty chaotic but it was recommended by a friend and we didn't really have a choice. DS1 absolutely thrived. For the first month we got the same report "offered X food, didn't want it, had crackers and butter". Then he did actually start eating more food. The staff were absolutely wonderful with him.

I definitely think it's worth paying the money for good childcare, but it's really hard to know from the outside what nursery is right for your child. Have you asked on your local Facebook page to get reviews from parents that are using it?

So you're bringing home around £5600 a month? The nursery will cost half of that?

Can you pay your other bills with £2800 a month?

This is another world to me with such high numbers. A lot of women work full time, their salary just about covers nursery fees with a few £ left over a month but enough to make it worthwhile.

I appreciate you're single and are obviously a hard worker. But these are big numbers. Does your DCs father contribute? (I'll admit I've not RTWT). Also, just to say, your child will thrive and find their own path no matter what nursery they're enrolled in.

If you love the expensive nursery and you can still afford to pay your bills, then go for that one.

Also, just an addendum, I have two DC. One is a surveyor. One is a doctor. Both went to state nurseries and schools. They paid their own way through further education because I couldn't afford to contribute.

Oh! I did pay for French lessons in nursery. It was about £3 a lesson, I think. Both are fluent in French and Spanish now.

Good childcare is worth paying for. If you can afford it I'd pay for your favourite one and not compromise. I also looked out for low ratio, low staff turnover, and on site kitchen when I was looking around for nurseries.

No advice, but nursery isn't forever. It'll get easier.

I went with the cheaper option, it didn't have the facilities, but a friendly atmosphere and I liked the staff/manager. It was also the nearest for me. My heart said the cheapest was the best fit. My brother and his wife picked the most expensive around. They were also happy with their choice.