Help nursery I like is crazy expensive

[tuesdaycandle]

Hi all

Looking for some advice. I have visited 4 nurseries, everyone has told me to go with my gut. First time parent, have never dealt with nurseries before.

The one I got the best feeling about is eye wateringly expensive, although not the most expensive I looked at. The cheapest one is about as cheap as it gets in this area, particularly if the nursery is open in the school holidays and outside of 9-5pm (which I need).

For context I don’t qualify for any of the new childcare help. I have no choice but to work full time from when baby is 9 months old. I’m single with no family local. There are no childminders in my area as you could not afford a suitable property for childminding on a childminder’s pay. I cannot afford a nanny.

I could probably just about pay for my preferred choice, but it would be a real extreme stretch. Nursery fees will likely increase, my salary is unlikely to increase significantly.

What would you do? The cheapest one is new, I liked it and it’s my second favourite, but they were way below capacity (about 5 babies in the room) as it’s so new. I’m not sure whether I’d be so keen once it’s reached full capacity (I think around 20 babies in the room). The reviews are limited as it’s new, it has no Ofsted yet. It’s part of a big nursery chain which has really mixed reviews online.

Part of me thinks that since my child will be spending so much time at nursery (which I hate but can’t change), it’s worthwhile to spend as much as it takes for me to be comfortable. Part of me thinks I can’t afford it, and ultimately nurseries are all similar and it’s not worth it.

Anyone been in a similar position or have any advice? Should I keep looking at more? Please don’t make me feel terrible for being single and working long hours and full time, already feel guilty enough.

It may well be unaffordable if she also has a London mortgage… a two bedroom flat is generally around £500-650k.

Thank you all, there is so much good advice here. It’s all been quite hard doing this on my own without a partner to discuss it all with. So thank you for taking the time to reply.

The cheaper nursery actually had more impressive toys and facilities. Reviews of other nurseries in the chain are very mixed with some saying they pay poorly and use loads of agency staff. The staff I spoke to/saw there all seemed very nice though.

I’m leaning towards just sucking up the costs of the more expensive option for 3 years, as the early years are so important. On the other hand the extra £750 would make a big difference to us, so I might also look around some other nurseries and see what I think.

I think op, I'd keep shopping around. Id probably phone first, check their costs and not see anything that isn't within your budget. The thing is, if you did set dc up in the cheaper nursery and you weren't happy you could surely get them on a waiting list for the more expensive one and move them?

I understand london prices are insane but id still also have another look at your outgoings and see if there realistically is anywhere you can cut back to make it more feasible? I would also speak to the nursery and see if they have any offers, for example ours does 5 days for the same price as 4 and allows for parents who don't work the summer to hold their space but not pay over the summer months.

If you dropped hours would that make any difference to you if you'd then qualify for the 20% tax relief and possibly be able to do some of your own childcare?

It's such a shame that accommodation and living costs are now so high as well as nursery costs. One or the other used to be doable for people but now it's so tight for so many.

I think it's also remembering that as long as your child is safe, cared for and engaged appropriately during the day you can still use lots of montessori techniques at home so they're still getting that exposure with you!

We sent our daughter later at 2- so she was able to tell us about nursery after she started. We went with the cheapest option. Nothing much to look at but staff seemed nice.

She has been so happy there. It's half the price of the fancy Fennies we were drooling over. I don't think she would care how fancy the wooden toys are in the other one, she is happy with the beaten up plastic dolls and their plastic pushchairs. She talks excitedly about going in the night before/

If I felt I would be happy with the cheaper one and the cost worried me for the others I'd try out the cheaper option first and keep assessing if I am happy with my choice. If not I'd move them.

To be fair though the comparison is not as crazy as it sounds.

I’m in a similar position salary wise as the OP and can’t wait for my DS to start private school as the fees are over £1000 per month cheaper than I currently pay at nursery which just feels ridiculous to me.

Hi @tuesdaycandle I've worked in a few nurseries and the best ones, safest ones and ones with happiest staff which of course means happier babies are usually the local authority ran ones. Ideally with mixed age range of staff. That's key imo.
Montessori nurseries can be a bit lackadaisical for my liking personally but I'm a safety freak when it comes to little ones.

Look for somewhere with kids from all walks of life and that is a multicultural. Look at the displays, if the kids work all looks suspiciously amazing then it's not kids work and you'll be sent home things to store in your kiddos files that have essentially been painted by a nursery nurse.
Ask to have a wee look at the menus and the main thing is how much they're getting fruit, veggies and how often they're being given snacks and drinks.
Ideally you'll want to be able to incorporate the feeding schedule then of the weekends so you're going to get a good wee eater.

Because your baba will be full-time you'll want tons of variety and things like a veggie tagine or curry etc will be cheaper for the nursery to make anyway so they probably serve that.
You want to ensure they've cereal, toast, fruit for breakfast there so you can give some yogurt or something quick before leaving but know at 8am they're having something hearty.

You'll want them celebrating every event - from Christmas to eid etc and the kids having access to books and a nice little garden and some where cosy for naps.

And if you want something for your child nurseries take suggestions and requests, don't be thinking because it's cheaper they won't have such and such experience, ask them to provide them with the activity or experience, they often enjoy feedback for new ideas.

As long as kiddo can eat, sleep, paint, get filthy and has a routine mon-fri, they'll be happy just to grow with other babies and will always have a nursery nurse they attach to.

The difference is that private school is a choice, childcare (especially in this scenario) isn't. It's a necessity.

You clearly haven’t seen the quality of state schools near where I live. I’d feel I’d failed my DS if I had to send him there. They are appalling and in no way a place you’d send your child by choice.

We are in this situation. I’m sorry to say we’ve given in and have had to make the difficult decision to move nursery. We chose the most expensive nursery in our area (without realising it at the time as they’ve since put their fees up 4 times) and they increase their fees at least yearly, if not 6 monthly. My DS has been there since he was tiny (4 months) and whilst we absolutely love the setting, it’s really brought him on developmentally, the staff have been with him since he was baby and he loves them, he’s now almost 2 and we have admitted defeat and are moving him to a preschool in the summer which is £20 a day cheaper. We’ve battled on and tried to keep him there but financially it’s crippling us.

We do use Tax Free Childcare and will qualify for the new funding hours though - I would check you definitely don’t qualify as if you work over 16 hours a week (I think that’s right) and under £100k you qualify for it and it does help. Just make sure you apply for your codes in time etc to benefit from the funded hours.

I've used two cheap nurseries and been delighted with them. The staff are so lovely and caring. These were independents, not chains. I feel with nurseries you are sometimes paying extra for things that make the parents feel good that the children couldn't care less about. Eg wooden vs plastic toys. Organic blueberry quinoa porridge for breakfast vs "porridge." Key things for me were home cooked food, caring manager, and long-standing staff and not using many, if any, agency staff.

Get the father to cough up! Why doesn't he want to be involved?

I'd go for location. You don't want to be stressed out and paying late collection charges if you are ever stuck in traffic. Make your drop off and collection as easy as possible. Staff can change, management can change. Location is key. It's also easier for weekend playdates if you are local to the other children.

I realise you may be in a job where it isn't practical to do so, but it might be worth running the numbers on what you would actually take home if, for example, dropping to 4 days a week would allow you to get under the 100k threshold for taxfree childcare (perhaps with pension contributions as well). The cliff edge hits someone like you particularly badly, and your point of maximum available money might be on less than full time work hours.

We went for the most expensive nurseries for our dcs (2 different areas) and were happy with the decision. We've never had them in cheaper nurseries so I can't really compare, but certainly I've heard about bad issues that other people have had at their nurseries and we've never had similar problems. All of the descriptions from pp of things that you need to look for in a good nursery were true for our nurseries.

We are in London too and it was expensive and we also had no financial help due to income, but I did feel it set up such an amazing foundation for the dc so it was worth it. And I always felt very comfortable with their care - I completely trusted them to help my dcs thrive. I would just say if you can manage to pay for it, suck up the high cost for the short term and be glad when they start school.

No chance of compressing your hours to 4 or 4.5 days but still being paid for 5 days?! Could you and an nct friend swap babies for half a day?

if your earning too much atm, could you consider dropping down to a 4 days week? You would earn 20% less, but that might drop you under 100k territory so you actually make savings. Add extra to pension if needed. Plus then only 4 days nursery so saving there.

Can do for just 2-3 years until child doesn’t need full time nursery

The whole issue of nursery costs is ridiculous.

We also don’t qualify for 30 free hours or tax free childcare savings which means that when our DS leaves nursery we will be significant better off despite the fact that he will then be going to private school.

It just doesn’t feel right to me that nursery is more expensive than a private pre-prep school.

Unless you plan to apply for private prep, which the more expensive nursery sounds like it is geared towards based on their price, then I'd go with the basic one that meets your needs of opening hours, commute from your job/home etc.