Help nursery I like is crazy expensive

[tuesdaycandle]

Hi all

Looking for some advice. I have visited 4 nurseries, everyone has told me to go with my gut. First time parent, have never dealt with nurseries before.

The one I got the best feeling about is eye wateringly expensive, although not the most expensive I looked at. The cheapest one is about as cheap as it gets in this area, particularly if the nursery is open in the school holidays and outside of 9-5pm (which I need).

For context I don’t qualify for any of the new childcare help. I have no choice but to work full time from when baby is 9 months old. I’m single with no family local. There are no childminders in my area as you could not afford a suitable property for childminding on a childminder’s pay. I cannot afford a nanny.

I could probably just about pay for my preferred choice, but it would be a real extreme stretch. Nursery fees will likely increase, my salary is unlikely to increase significantly.

What would you do? The cheapest one is new, I liked it and it’s my second favourite, but they were way below capacity (about 5 babies in the room) as it’s so new. I’m not sure whether I’d be so keen once it’s reached full capacity (I think around 20 babies in the room). The reviews are limited as it’s new, it has no Ofsted yet. It’s part of a big nursery chain which has really mixed reviews online.

Part of me thinks that since my child will be spending so much time at nursery (which I hate but can’t change), it’s worthwhile to spend as much as it takes for me to be comfortable. Part of me thinks I can’t afford it, and ultimately nurseries are all similar and it’s not worth it.

Anyone been in a similar position or have any advice? Should I keep looking at more? Please don’t make me feel terrible for being single and working long hours and full time, already feel guilty enough.

It's 3 years. And you earn enough to put you in the top 3% of earners in the UK.

Is the father paying CMS?

I'm assuming you earn over 130k, so as to suggest its not worth putting extra into pension, so a take home pay of over £6,000 pcm.

Minus £2,800 nursery fees, leaves £3,200 for the remainder of your monthly costs.

Whilst I agree, the monthly cost of the nursery is astronomical, it's not "unaffordable" to you at all.

Fucking hell those numbers are terrifying, after tax free childcare £750 is what we pay a month for a full time place.

£750 a month is a huge saving. What did you think of the staff in the second favourite? IME (two through nursery FT), it's the staff that are most important. Do they get them outside? Ideally outside for walks but at the very least in a large garden? What's their illness policy? As a single parent you'll likely need somewhere that will take them with a dose of Calpol if they're just a bit under the weather. Fresh cooked food is important to me as they eat so many of their meals there, and if they're eating well at nursery it makes me more relaxed at home.

But engaged, happy staff who genuinely want the best for the children is the most important.

Nursery is only a temporary cost so I’d go with the more expensive one if it’s the one you prefer. Yes it’ll be tight but worth it for those few early years.

Have you looked at a nanny share?

I cannot believe these prices

Where are the subsidized daycare places??!

Another hurdle for women to handle

I have worked in nurseries. It so depends on the staff and management, and that really is pot luck. You can have lovely staff in grotty places and vice versa. I would prob avoid big chains as they will tend to squeeze ratios to the max and also push staff to the max - but it's not a given. Privately owned can be just as bad if the owner wants to make the maximum money possible, pays staff badly etc.

I would ask what the nursery's max staff to child ratio is at different ages and go from there. Can you do an unannounced visit? Do the staff look harassed? What are noise levels like?

lol Eton is much more than 2.6k per month!

Fucking hell those numbers are terrifying, after tax free childcare £750 is what we pay a month for a full time place.

Our full-time childcare was double that and that's before the prices increased. We were happy to pay it due to what I had seen over the years, which was later confirmed by other parents, about our nearest private nursery.

Oh and the only reason there are still childminders in my area is because the majority of them are in their 50s. My former childminder lives in a much larger house then nearly all the parents of the children she looks after.

Incidentally none of the nurseries in my area have much outside space. (My DD went to one near DP's work as it has more space. ) The better two take the children out every single day. I've seen the children and staff out and about looking happy and engaged. On the other hand on the rare occasion the private nursery near me take children out, the staff look bloody miserable and they aren't engaged with the children.

Have you considered a Childminder? They won't charge anywhere close to those numbers.

The OP says there are none where she is.

"There are no childminders in my area as you could not afford a suitable property for childminding on a childminder’s pay. I cannot afford a nanny."

In expensive areas then childminders are usually expensive too. Where I live there was no difference in the price, both nurseries and childminders were charging around £100 per day.

What would you be doing with the difference in money? If you're just going to continue building stacks of cash by putting it in savings then spend it on the nursery you really like.

I put my ds in a Montessori that was highly recommended and he absolutely hated it. Cried and cried. They are quite structured and timetabled, at least the one he went to was and it just didn’t suit him at all. Great for some kids but not others.

Surely you need to strike a balance between the nursery that is also most convenient in terms of drop off/pick up, together with your feelings on what they offer and the price point.

Plus the price point versus the rest of your monthly outlay. You may have a very high mortgage, or not. Whilst you are earning a very good salary an extremely high mortgage, plus very high nursery fees may add additional stress that could be slightly mitigated by selecting a perfectly adequate nursery with lower monthly fees.

I wouldn't write off the big chain. My DC go to a Busy Bees. I was a bit hesitant because of the mixed reviews but as PP have said, it's all about the staff. DC love it. Food is cooked onsite. I have confidence that all the proper processes are followed. Staff are all great.

In fairness, the wording in the OP on childminders doesn't sound like she's actually looked for any, just assumed it wouldn't be possible for a childminder to live where she lives.

To give you a bit of reassurance, we put out eldest into a beautiful nursery - Georgian farmhouse, beautifully adapted buildings and montessori cuteness. It was like an Instagram dream of hessian displays and bunting everywhere. And they were duly pretty good with him - although we realised earlier doors that he only really wanted to be the completely plain asphalt outdoor bit and riding bikes anyway.

Our smaller ones go to a slightly dated village nursery with rickety stairs, a bit frayed around the edges but teachers on staff. I really wasn't sure when I first looked but they are brilliant. It really is all about the warmth and the cuddles. In that case, the staff have all been there for 20 years+ so they must be doing something right.

I think judge on the people who will spent the most time with your child, and if that means spending more, it's worth it.

Do you definitely not get UC? I work four full* days a week and the government reimburses 80% but then with my additional allowance it covers it all

Oh wait just seen your salary. What the hell do you do for work out of interest?!?!

She earns well over £100,00 a year

Add a zero on that!

I was earning over 100k when I had my first and went back to work full time very early thinking that was the best decision financially. I found out later I’d been completely wrong. I assume part time isn’t an option but if it is I’d suggest speaking to an accountant to be 100% sure of the financial position.

I’d personally go for the expensive one! Honestly, the right nursery makes such a difference.

Most important thing is staff