Nursery thinks my child is SEN

[Mummymummama]

So after picking up my son today the deputy manager of his nursery runs after me with an SEN form and says that they are concerned about my 27 month old because he only plays with play dough and runs around the classroom. My child has good eye contact but has limited speech but good understanding. We saw a speech therapist but
she felt that we should give him time. I am planning to look for alternative nurseries as I felt that the nursery is labelling my son at such a young age. Am I being unreasonable?

What's an SEN form? I'd be furious a nursery broached the subject of possible problems by running after me with a form

What did you see SALT? Do others have concerns?

I make an appointment to see parents, often at their home after work, to discuss such a sensitive subject. How rude.

I’d speak to your HV and ask what they think. I certainly wouldn’t discount this out of hand- the nursery will see a lot of children his age and should have a good handle on what is typical behaviour and what might be a bit of a concern. It might be nothing but if there is something, surely picking it up early will be best for your child? If our nursery had raised this I think I would’ve been surprised but I wouldn’t move DC from somewhere they were settled unless you had other concerns.

… obviously the way they did it was crap though

You’re not unreasonable to look for other nurseries. That’s your prerogative as their parent to choose where they are cared for.

Potentially unreasonable in so much as you seem personally very offended that the nursery staff have seemingly done due diligence and brought to your attention something they have noticed as they are trained and obliged to do?

Make an appointment to sit and discuss concerns they have properly

That is so strange. My babe has / had speech delay due to glue ear but fantastic understanding, very intelligent. Our childminders were really supportive and put my mind at ease saying he's actually advanced but obvs lacking with his speech. If they had told me he's SEN, that would have been mad. I'm so sorry, that's not ok.

It’s hard to tell based on the information. What kind of nursery is it? Is it a good one? They can often be good at spotting stuff.

My autistic daughter has awesome eye contact. I knew something wasn’t quite ‚Normal‘, but it took until she was 10 for people to believe me.

My son is 8 and it was picked up by his school at 5. Despite my experience i didn’t think anything was out of place as i was so used to it.

It could be a simple thing like how he plays with the playdoh. I’m sure they’re not trying to be mean or awful. I disagree with labelling but not if it helps.

Not the point of the thread but, Saturday nursery?

You definitely shouldn't move him if he is happy and thriving. Even less so if it does turn out that he has SEN... which really isn't the worst thing in the world.

Also, if your child does have identifiable needs it isn't a label, it is a diagnosis and the earlier you get them assessed the best chance you have of helping them navigate the world and their challenges.

The nursery may have handled it badly by running after you but at least they have flagged a concern and haven't just ignored your son. Take a deep breath and listen to them. They will have seen an awful lot of children over the years.

I’m sorry they weren’t more gentle with you.

As a DM of a child who now has an ASD diagnosis, I’m delighted that his nursery highlighted their concerns. It was the first step in a long process that hasn’t ‘labelled’ my son but given him a diagnosis. (I’m trying not to be offended here…would you say a child with diabetes had been labelled?). It had enabled my academic high flier to get help with his social skills and sensory issues. And understand himself better.

Early intervention is so important for children with SEN, if your son does have any additional needs then early diagnosis and early support improves outcomes. Don’t assume that their concerns come from wanting to ‘label’ your son but rather consider that they want to identify whether he needs any extra help or support now, if your son does have any SEN then diagnosis can take a long time so it is better to start the process as soon as there are concerns. It may be that he just needs more time to develop in areas such as his speech, but if that’s not the case then being on a diagnostic pathway now means that help and support will be available to him sooner than if you just wait and see.

I mean... It seems like a good thing they are noticing his behaviour I don't understand why this would make you mad. If he doesn't have educational needs then nothing will be diagnosed. It's pretty hard to get support when your child does actually need it! I would be open to hearing what they are observing. It's not too young, my son was diagnosed at 2 (incidentally makes good eye contact).

You mention eye contact so I assume you are concerned about autism, 1) lots of children with autism can make eye contact and 2) there are lots of different conditions that could flag as having a Special Educational Need. Perhaps the fact he runs around the classroom means they need to allocate him an extra person to keep him safe or perhaps because he has speech delay they want to put things in place for him but need him to be on the register to justify it. Having a child with additional educational needs is not an insult and being on the SEND register is temporary a child can be moved on and off it as their needs develop

This.

Badly handled if it was as you say (never heard of "an SEN Form" and confused why they didn't have the conversation with you when you were doing handover) but do listen to their concerns and how they are suggesting he can be supported.

What will you do if the new nursery says the same thing? Move him again? It's good they are bringing it up now as it can take years to get assessment/diagnosis. My daughter has sen and it was noticed around 2.5 years old at nursery, she was diagnosed with adhd at 6 and gets additional support at school and we have strategies at home to help her.

It's great that the nursery is flagging something early. I'd advise you to take their concerns seriously. They see a lot of children and can often pick up on subtle things that we parents can't. It's tough, believe me I've been there. I was so upset when my son's nursery suggested ASD. I felt blindsided. Not my child! He has good eye contact and social skills. His language is so advanced! But they were right, and his problems came to the forefront as he got older.

No one wants their child to struggle through life, but labelling it doesn't create the problem, it makes you aware of it. Their early concerns lead to measures being put into place before my son even started reception and he is receiving much needed help, which he wouldn't have got otherwise. So, I'd advise not to change nursery just because you don't like what they're saying. Take them up on any offers of support, it shows they care. They have nothing to gain from flagging it. If they suggest taking the assessment further then let them. If the assessments discover that your child is neurotypical, that's the best outcome! If they discover he needs extra help then he can have that as soon as possible. Believe me, I know how you're feeling. It's tough. No one wants their kid to be labelled.

Get out asap or deflect it’s too early fir decisions like this

Many many children have some kind of mild SEN. Almost all of the ones I know have mild autism / adhd and you would not know it when you meet them, they were fine in reception, but struggled for years 1-3 before being diagnosed in year 4-6. They found formal sit down lessons and the noise overwhelming and would get told off for ‘being naughty’ if they lashed out or hid under their desk when what they genuinely needed was a quiet few moments in a different room, or to arrive early to settle in before all the other children arrive, or a bit of fresh air exercise to calm down.

I know it doesn’t feel like it but the nursery is doing you a huge favour by raising this possibility early. They’ve seen far more toddlers than you have, if they’re seeing something a little unusual about your child then absolutely fill in the forms and start the process as it will take years to get to the bottom of it all. Remember that getting a ‘label’ does not change at all who your child is it just suggests different ways you may choose to parent.

Perhaps your child just really loves playdo. Perhaps they have autism/adhd. Keep an open mind and listen to the nursery’s thoughts.

The only times I have run out after parents to speak to them is when they are repeatedly refusing to engage.

I would speak to them properly on Monday and see what they have noticed. When do you next have a SaLT appointment?

@Wolvesart you realize that children can be put on the SEND register for speech and language reasons, poor eyesight, hearing problems, family bereavement that requires extra TLC, asthma, diabetes, leukemia, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis etc etc several of which a child out grows or overcomes with intervention as they get older and then get removed from the list. SEND does not necessarily relate to learning difficulty but a log that a child may need adjustments to how the nursery / school normally works

It’s great to have nursery opening on Saturdays.

I think first of all, I'd ask for a meeting with the teacher. These conversations shouldn't be happening in corridors classrooms or car parks.

You need to find out what exactly they are concerned about.

I'm assuming when you mentioned eye contact you are assuming autism.

In a way I actually think you are lucky that the nursery is picking up on this early that your child might need some assistance. My son, who is ASD, has great eye contact especially with people he knows. But we have had a traumatic primary education due to not getting help early enough because nursery / school wouldn't back me when I had concerns. On the flip side I have a niece and nephew who are also ASD, who were supported from nursery which meant by the time they went to school things were in place and the difference between the education assistance they have received is remarkable, they have thrived because they are in the right environment.

Please don't discount what nursery are saying straight away and as others have said if there is any SEN moving nursery might be more upsetting for your child than you realise. Also as another has said SEN covers just about everything when a child needs support so it really isn't necessary ASD they are worrying about.

It's not a decision FFS. And it's better it's recognised early as otherwise you end up with kids who struggle massively in school, getting the support in place before they start school is massively beneficial for the child.

OP: The way the manager dealt with this is shit, but please think about what they've raised and ask for a meeting to discuss the keyworker's concerns. The staff working with your child have likely got experience with SEN, they cannot fully support those needs without you recognising that they potentially exist and enable them to do whatever they can to access funding so that they can support your child more effectively (one-to-ones, therapy, etc). Having SEN is not a negative thing, having a label is not a negative thing.

And eye contact is a red herring. I was a nanny who specialised in working with kids who were autistic, only one of those kids had issues with eye contact. ASD is very different to what the old idea of it is. My own kids are autistic, my husband is autistic; I'm ADHD and I'm the only one who has issues with eye contact.

It’s a special education needs form. I saw a speech therapist at a children’s centre.