What to do if your child was badly stratched again and again by the same kid at nursery?

[Mmcc21]

Dear Mums,

My 2 years old son started his nursery for a month now. I am very happy to see he is embracing his new social life. At the same time, I am feeling helpless. My son's nose was badly scratched by another 2 years old boy in the same nursery. His poor little nose covered with five finger nail cuts. It was bleeding and the nursery staff followed the first aid procedure. Obviously, I was very sad and raised this problem to the nursery manager seriously and Hope they can manage that kid well as we don't want to see this happen again. The nursery manager agreed.

Then three days later, this little boy attacked my son's nose again. This time nurser staff told me that kid didn't mean malicious. My son didn't get disturbed at all. By this stage I was getting worried if this will be a pattern of attacking in the future. Again I raised this issue with the nursery manager. They said they would try to keep that boy away from my son and check his finger nails short. Again, I choose to trust the nursery manager.

A few days later, when my husband dropped my son to the nursery, this little boy went to attack my little one again, but luckily was stopped in time by husband. By this time, we really get worried about the attack from that kid. The nursery manager asked her line manager and had a conversation with us. The agreement is they will try best to keep that kid away from my son and prevent this happen again.

Two days after the above conversation, my son's old scare on his nose was reopened again. You can see clearly this scare was done by three little finger nails. Looking at my son's scare, I'm really sad. What made things worse is that the nursery manager didn't even answer my phone call once i saw the accident report. At 3:30pm the pickup time, the nursery manager, her line manager and another senior manager were all there. I asked them what happened to my son's nose. They said a group of kids danced together and one fell down and grabbed my son's nose. What kind of coincident! I feel it is hard to believe what they said. If it is true, the scare on his nose should be a long line scratch, not a finger nail's mark! And the nursery manager blamed me that I bombarded them with phone calls! What a ridiculous response! what is wrong with a mother trying to find out her son's injury? ! By this stage, there is no agreement achieved with the nursery mangers as they repeated the same message as before--- pay close attention to them but no guarantee!

I am very sad and feel helpless. I am badly looking for suggestions from all Mums. What can do I and how can I stop this happen and protect my son? What effective measures should I take and how to talk to the nursery staffs? I know changing nursery is one option, but my son just settled in that nursery.

Appreciate your time and suggestions.
xx

Hi Mmcc21,

I know how hard it must be to see your child have scratch , bite , marks and bruises but unfortunately this does happen a lot in nurseries and will even happen in school. At 2 years old the children are learning to communicate and play with others and there can be many reasons why they might scratch another child. The staff in the nursery should be trying to prevent any accidents from happening but sometimes they can hurt others so quickly. We can’t walk around and hold on to the child that is struggling as this is would be difficult for the child and they will not learn but actually get more frustrated. I don’t agree with management trying to keep ‘ the other child’ away from your son because realistically it’s not always possible and to be honest there could be other children scratching or hurting others. They should be helping and teaching all of the children about ‘ being gentle’ and ‘ using kind hands’ , ‘ giving cuddles’. I don’t think moving your child to another nursery would be the answer as unfortunately the same thing could happen.

Doesn't the nursery have a regulatory agency to hold them accountable?

I would report the nursery and remove my child.

Report the nursery for what? It was a 2 year old child that scratched not the staff what do you think the staff can do sit the child in a corner all day and tell him not to move.

These things happen in nurseries especially at that age you can swap nurseries but it will happen in another.

They need to be more observant

It happening once, maybe even twice, sure. That is nit the case here though. I do not think there Can be adequate supervision if it keeps occurring.

OP I work as a senior early years practitioner, leading a team of staff caring for children the same age as your child. From a professional perspective I can tell you that unfortunately these incidents are often common place when considering the age of the child involved and the fact that they are learning to manage their emotions and navigate new social situations. However, as a parent of a young child I can also tell you that being told that does not make it any easier to cope with when your child is hurt! I would be requesting a chat with management or the senior member of staff in the room and asking what is being done to support the child in question and to help to prevent these incidents from occurring? The staff should be monitoring the child in question so they can identify any triggers that result in other children being hurt and therefore better support the child to manage and navigate their emotions in group situations. The staff will need to maintain the confidentiality of the other child and their needs but they should be able to provide some insight on how they plan to proceed going forward. Hope things improve soon!

I'm the parent of a thirteen month old who bites other children. The nursery are working with me to ensure we do the same at home for bites as at nursery to try to contain the behaviour and teach him that it is inappropriate and hurts. Are the nursery engaging with the other child's parents to do the same?

A huge thanks for the quick and helpful reply @BBno4 @Bouncyball23 @OhcantthInkofaname @Snugglemonkey @emilyhignell22 @peanutbutternutter22 @theotherfossilsister

Thank you for sharing your opinion.
I can understand the touch reality... But this is really challenging to any mother, whose son/daughter got attacked frequently by the same kid.

A very good question. This is the point where I think in most nurseries there are management problems.... If you have any further ideas, please do share :) Thank you

Thank you. This will be my final solution. I can't wait to see my child hurt again and again until the other kid grows out this phase. Then the question is how many times I can tolerant.

What do you suggest?

Can't report to Ofsted?

Absolutely agree! At least they should take effective steps to prevent this happens so frequently. And let parents know what their new approaches to tackle this issue...

That must be the case.... And the nursery staffs won't admit it, but keep telling that they are trying their best.

I will take your advice:

'asking what is being done to support the child in question and to help to prevent these incidents from occurring? The staff should be monitoring the child in question so they can identify any triggers that result in other children being hurt and therefore better support the child to manage and navigate their emotions in group situations. The staff will need to maintain the confidentiality of the other child and their needs but they should be able to provide some insight on how they plan to proceed going forward.'

Thank you!

Thank you for sharing your experience. I suppose the nursery is doing so. But in terms of how effectively they are working with that child's parents, we don't know because so far we didn't see any improvement from that child's behavior

I would suggest they have the boy who scratches near a member of staff at all times however hard that is. Your little boy has the right to be safe. Are they getting across to the other parent that this needs to be worked on at home? A form ‘no’ and immediate consequence like sitting out for a minute? Saying it’s what 2 year olds do is not ok when it’s happened multiple times.

I work in a nursery children are quick, if we have a child that bites or hurts another child we shadow them basically follow them around all day it takes one second for that child to lean over and bite someone even when we are shadowing them it can still happen if you have to look away for a split second. We're good but we don't have super powers or a sixth sense.

I had no idea a toddler was capable of instant dislike of another child until I saw it with my own eyes. I used to take my son to a toddler activity and would have to protect him from another boy who would launch at him and try to hurt him whenever he had an opportunity.

Seems the nursery are failing to do this. If they know a child is prone to scratching or biting then they need to closely supervise, not brush it off with “Oh well, this happens in nurseries”.

It is your job to keep children in your care safe. If my child were scratched more than once by the same child, we would be having a massive issue. If you cannot stop a child from assaulting others, that child needs to leave.

OK, quite clearly have no idea how things work in a nursery certainly can't kick out a 2 year old as they haven't learnt their actions hurt people yet after all they are only 2 still babies themselves! And we do everything possible to keep the children in our care safe but like I said we don't have super powers.

You quote clearly are not protecting adequately if a child is continually harmed. No way would I tolerate this.

you need to tell nursery to cut the other kid's fingernails. seriously, he must have talons to be able to break the skin.