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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Is it necessary to send baby to nursery?

61 replies

Avie8 · 05/02/2023 22:50

Hello , I am new here . Kindly accept apologies in advance for any novice errors.
I am a FTM , LO is 6 months old . I have taken a career break for now and in process of acquiring further qualification . One of my DH's friends is sending his LO to the nursery at 6 months ( both partners are working so they had to ) . Now I understand their situation , problem is that he keeps on bragging to my DH that his LO is learning a lot in the nursery , making "friends " and that we should also send our LO to the nursery. This is giving my DH terrible FOMO and me anxiety as I m not willing to send my LO to the nursery. Am I doing the right thing? Is my LO really missing out on things by staying at home with Mamma ? I am very confused and need guidance, please help !

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Rowen32 · 05/02/2023 22:57

I don't believe children need to go nursery at all - they need love from a primary caregiver(s), security, stability, they're getting that from you at home..
Read up on attachment theory - I think home is the best place for them if at all possible and obviously with a caregiver who is happy to be there like you are :-)
Socialisation, play comes later.. And there's plenty of ways to get that that aren't nursery..
I think of some of the older people I know (in their 60s etc) who are the most social and outgoing of People - they were brought up at home and didn't miss out by going to nursery!
Stick to your guns, enjoy your precious one :-)

BlueDiamondGlow · 05/02/2023 22:57

No of course not. At 6 months your baby is best off with you.
Children don't really make friends until they are about 3

walkinthewoodstoday · 05/02/2023 22:57

Erm no! If I didn't have to, I wouldn't. It's noisy, not one to one and not conducive to love and care, but I did it with my DD and she fine. Enjoy not having to and take your little one to groups

UnicorseTime · 05/02/2023 22:58

Absolutely not! Best place is with you, seeing your friends, going shopping, cuddling at home and when they're a bit bigger do some toddler groups with other toddlers.

Nursery isn't at all bad but makes no sense before age 3 unless you need to.

gogohmm · 05/02/2023 22:59

Around 3 years old children do start to benefit from being in a preschool setting part time- prior to that the only benefit is to allow parents to work (essential for many) I've seen these ages quotes many times

TheShellBeach · 05/02/2023 23:00

I think that sound like they're feeling guilty about sending their baby to nursery.
I doubt if babies of six months make friends!
Pay no attention. When you go back to work, use a nursery. There's no need to before then.

JenniferBarkley · 05/02/2023 23:01

I'm a huge nursery fan, both of mine have been from ten months - they've loved it, we've loved it, it's been brilliant for them.

Of course he's talking bollocks. I'm not usually one to ascribe everything to jealousy, but I wonder is there a little of that going on here. Your baby will have a lovely time at home with you. When they get a bit bigger they'll get a lot out of playing with other DC, and at that stage you'll either go with nursery or lots of playgroups.

Pay no heed.

ofwarren · 05/02/2023 23:01

I have 3 DS and none went to nursery.
It didn't put them behind at all. 2 could read before starting reception and the other learnt quickly while in reception.
They all made friends straight away too.

PutItInTheFuckingBasket · 05/02/2023 23:05

Babies don't make friends at 6 months old!! As PPs have said, age 3 or maybe 2 is a good time to start them in childcare to help with social skills and independence, but my 2 year old loves the days he's at home with me rather than childminder days, even though he really likes all the activities they do, his "friends" (they're fairly interchangeable to him atm still though, just familiar) and seeing more people

StarsSand · 05/02/2023 23:09

People tell themselves it's beneficial for babies because they feel bad about it but it's an economic necessity for them.

Statistically your baby is much better off home with a loving capable caregiver.

Plenty of time for making friends later.

Christmaspyjamas · 05/02/2023 23:11

Hahaha...this guy is saying his 6 month old is making "friends"

They are just trying to relieved their own guilt by making you guys feel it

Your baby is best with you. At 2 or 3 then he might have a point if the baby didn't meet other kids but at 6 months it is ridiculous

Your husband obviously wants what is best but he does sound quite easily manipulated by this other guy!

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 05/02/2023 23:13

A 6 month old does not ‘make friends’
They simply ‘sit’ beside them if the nursery worker places them there
Staff will write for example ‘Anna enjoyed music time with her friends’
It simply means ‘They all done it / Sat and dribbled/ cried when others cried

Honestly, a 6 month old does not need nursery at all

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2023 23:16

No. Nothing wrong with childcare but under about 2 and a half a nanny or childminder is your best bet - although of course a good nursery can work well.

Original poster

Avie8 · 05/02/2023 23:18

Each one of you absolutely beautiful loving humans thanks for the heartwarming, knowledgeable and reassuring replies . You have made a very anxious and tired Mom very happy and relieved . I am eternally grateful .

OP posts:

29052022J · 05/02/2023 23:37

How ridiculous of the friend, they are just trying to make themselves feel better that their 6 month old is at nursery. I have to send my little one at 12 months in May when I return to work and am dreading it! Enjoy being a stay at home mum, you are one of the lucky ones. Maybe think about taking advantage of the 30 free hours (if you’re entitled) when your little one turns 3 so they can start feeling prepared for school and getting into that mindset. When I visited the nursery there was a 3 month old there and I felt heartbroken, obviously some parents have no choice but it’s seems so sad for such a little baby.

NuffSaidSam · 05/02/2023 23:39

No, babies absolutely do not NEED to go to nursery.

There's nothing wrong with nursery, but it's a place babies go so their parents can work. It's not FOR the baby.

Original poster

Avie8 · 06/02/2023 00:04

@Rowen32 I did some preliminary reading on attachment theory as suggested . Quite an eye opener I must say . Peer pressure made me forget that I am my baby's home , I am all that she needs . Thanks for helping me remember that !

OP posts:

GodspeedJune · 06/02/2023 00:12

Glad you feel reassured OP. Your baby will thrive at home with you, don’t worry about that at all.

Anon132 · 06/02/2023 00:21

Glad your not feeling so pressured anymore OP. Home is definitely the best place for your LO and such an important time for them and you and your relationship to develop. 6 months is such a young age! I personally believe nursery from 3yo if possible to hold out until then. Maybe his friend bragging is a way of alleviating his guilt around sending his LO to nursery at such a young age.

Maryandherlamb · 06/02/2023 00:21

You absolutely don't have to send them! I imagine they're feeling some guilt about their situation, and are trying to portray the positives in order to justify it to themselves. Personally I'm glad I sent my son to nursery. He went from age 1 and is learning well how to socialise with other children. If he was just at home with me I would probably be taking him to a 1 hr class a few times a week, but that would be his only contact with other children. I'm glad he gets to learn how to play alongside others, how to navigate sharing/taking turns, how to appreciate other children's emotions etc. I'd have been really sad if I had to send him at 6 months though, because I think he was better at home with me back then.

PitYerTapOan · 06/02/2023 00:27

A six month old baby has no concept of friendship.

Your baby is fine.

Your friend's baby is fine too.

But your baby doesn't need to go to nursery.

Remaker · 06/02/2023 00:47

Childcare before the age of 3 is for the benefit of parents. So they can work/study/have a break. It’s not harmful for children to attend but a child is not better off at nursery than being at home, provided home is loving, stable etc.

From age 3 children may benefit from socialising with their peers at nursery/childcare. It’s not essential, especially in the UK where some children start school at age 4, but it can be beneficial for them.

The problem is there can be judgement (real or perceived) on parents sending their kids to nursery at a young age. So then parents make these inflated claims of the benefits in terms of learning and socialising in babies and toddlers.

ukholidayseeker · 06/02/2023 00:56

BlueDiamondGlow · 05/02/2023 22:57

No of course not. At 6 months your baby is best off with you.
Children don't really make friends until they are about 3

This x1000

avamiah · 06/02/2023 00:59

My daughter is 13 now but she went to nursery when she was just under 3 , possibly 2 and a half ( It seems a lifetime away now)but she loved it and it was a great nursery and still is.
She started off a couple of half days a week then did 2 full days then 3 full days and before you know it she was doing 5 full days.
The staff were amazing every single one of them.

lifeinthehills · 06/02/2023 01:01

No, nursery isn't necessary. I never did preschool either, except for my youngest. I chose alternatives ways of my kids meeting friends. Honestly, the ones that didn't go to preschool have done better overall with social aspects.

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