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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Is it necessary to send baby to nursery?

61 replies

Avie8 · 05/02/2023 22:50

Hello , I am new here . Kindly accept apologies in advance for any novice errors.
I am a FTM , LO is 6 months old . I have taken a career break for now and in process of acquiring further qualification . One of my DH's friends is sending his LO to the nursery at 6 months ( both partners are working so they had to ) . Now I understand their situation , problem is that he keeps on bragging to my DH that his LO is learning a lot in the nursery , making "friends " and that we should also send our LO to the nursery. This is giving my DH terrible FOMO and me anxiety as I m not willing to send my LO to the nursery. Am I doing the right thing? Is my LO really missing out on things by staying at home with Mamma ? I am very confused and need guidance, please help !

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DontMakeMeShushYou · 07/02/2023 09:58

lilyfire · 07/02/2023 07:20

My eldest went to nursery from 9 months, my middle one to a childminder at a year and my youngest didn’t go to childcare/nursery at all. They’re now teenagers and all fine socially but the youngest has the best social skills. That may just be his personality but not going to nursery certainly didn’t harm him.

Interesting!

My eldest went to nursery at 6 months for half-days 4 times a week. My youngest went at 6 months for 4 full days a week. The youngest definitely has the best social skills (they're 17 and 19 now). Again, may just be personality, or family position, but I think it shows that children who feel loved and secure are going to be fine regardless of whether they are at home or at nursery.

Just don't overthink it and do what's best for your individual family.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 07/02/2023 09:59

Not that the eldest has any problems with social skills.

Mischance · 07/02/2023 10:09

Good grief! - there is no better person to bring up your child than you!

When you need to, then use a nursery - till then just enjoy helping your baby to get to know the world.

Maybe your friend would rather be at home with her child and needs to rationalise her need for nursery. Both options are fine - just slightly different. If you are able to be at home with your baby and do not need nursery then that is great.

You may like to consider nursery when your child is 3 or 4 as she will be old enough to enjoy the stimulation and company - but a 6 month old will love being with her Mum.

Tumbleweed101 · 08/02/2023 07:47

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 07/02/2023 07:53

@Tumbleweed101 what's the difference between 15hrs and full time?

My personal observation is that children who do full time hours together become very peer oriented. They generally are doing well educationally but they often ignore adult directions and fix on copying friends. I’m guessing that is partly because they spend so much time with the adults at the setting but also because they don’t have much down time or variety in the day ie the structure is similar each day.

Children coming in for just 15hrs tend to have more variety going on through the week and are more focused on the activities adults are directing. I’m guessing because it’s a smaller part of the week. They have more chance to do things with other adults one to one.

The is anecdotal and based on preschoolers who have been in full time nursery since babies.

StillWantingADog · 08/02/2023 08:01

StarsSand · 05/02/2023 23:09

People tell themselves it's beneficial for babies because they feel bad about it but it's an economic necessity for them.

Statistically your baby is much better off home with a loving capable caregiver.

Plenty of time for making friends later.

This.

i do think there is a social benefit to a preschool setting from the age of 2/2.5 though

fruitandfibreg · 08/02/2023 08:09

My DD is the only one out of our nct friends not to go to nursery. She's the most social and confident by far. She's going to go when she's 2 as I think she'll benefit then but atm she's almost 15 months and doing great. We go to a lot of classes to make up for it and to get out

Choconut · 08/02/2023 08:55

There's no place your child would rather be with than with you. At 3 years old children can benefit from going to preschool as it helps to prepare them for school, but right now the best place for your baby is with you. No one else can provide the security that you do.

Ilikepinacoladass · 01/03/2023 09:34

MinistryMelody · 06/02/2023 07:46

Every single person who sends their under 3s to nursery goes on about how their child is "thriving", and "making friends" and "learning so much". I think they are saying this more to convince themselves than anyone else.
All the scientific research says there are zero benefits to nursery before about 3 years old.

That's true it's always the word 'thriving' for some reason. And the references to messy play. I think being with a primary care giver is more important than messy play especially before 2 or 3 years old.

AuntMarch · 02/03/2023 14:24

I work in early years, I know the good work we do.
I still think he's talking bollocks. I went back part time (and not til my son was almost one) because I also knew we'd never get that time back and he benefitted from me too. If I had a partner that meant I could have been home another year I would have done that.
That isn't to say I think parents shouldn't use nurseries at a young age, just that it isn't necessary unless it is required for their own circumstances.

Bree82 · 06/03/2023 10:01

I think do what’s best for you and your family :)
I need to tell that to myself sometimes too! I’m too sensitive to what others think on things that are not up to them! But it’s nice to come on here to seek advice without judgment, i have found that so helpful.
I have 4 little nephews, 2 have gone to nursery as babies and 2 didn’t. Of the 2 who went to nursery one is more outgoing and sociable, and one not so much. Of the 2 who didn’t go to nursery, one is more sociable and outgoing and the other one not so much! So I think it often comes down to personality too!
my circumstances mean my baby will be going to nursery soon after turning one, when I go back to work, & I get sad to think about it lol so I look at the positives of our situation and how it will be good for us personally, But if we were in a situation of not needing nursery, I would look at the positives of that too! I would never tell someone else what they should do regarding that because it is so individual and I don’t think either way is right or wrong. And some people maybe don’t need to work but decide it’s best for them for other reasons and that’s what’s right for them.
I just think we all do our best as parents and that matters a lot loving our children and making them feel secure etc
I think the fact that we are on this forum shows how much we care and that we are trying really hard to make the best choices we can for our families, so do what’s best for you and your family :)

Nearlyamumoftwo · 06/03/2023 14:45

Hi @Avie8

As you can probably see from
the replies, childcare (and specifically whether that’s parents only / nanny / childminder / nursery) really is a “you do you” type of thing, and you Will get lots of answers and people making it very clear one way is the best way.

FWIW, my child does go to nursery, so I am of course in that camp over staying at home full time for example.

I think 6 months is too young, and I don’t see the benefit in sending your child that early (unless of course for financial reasons you have to, that’s different!)

I don’t have it in me to be at home full time with my child, I would hinder him. He’s been going since hes 11 months old and goes 3 days a week, so he still gets 4 days at home (some people speak as if nursery is 24/7 with no time at home at all!)

personally I think being away from the home environment for some of the week helps them and certainly prepares them for school. Eg I look at my son and his confidence, manners, eating habits, social skills are exactly where id like them to be. Of course he’s not perfect, but I’m very happy with his development. I look at friends of his whose mothers didn’t agree with childcare and they are very attached to their parents, do not like socialising and the parents are now worrying about how they’ll be with teachers - and being left alone without their mum for a full school day. Of course I will get slated for this - it’s a real “do what’s best for your family”. I like to earn money, and being honest I’m not Mary Poppins so even if I won the lottery I don’t know how I’d stay sane keeping him entertained all day every day!

you’ll get differing views, and very strong views for all camps. Someone’s way is always better than someone else’s. If sending your child to nursery will bankrupt you don’t do it. If you hate your job and think your time is better spent with your child, then don’t do it!

good luck with your decision! I

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