Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is it necessary to send baby to nursery?

61 replies

Avie8 · 05/02/2023 22:50

Hello , I am new here . Kindly accept apologies in advance for any novice errors.
I am a FTM , LO is 6 months old . I have taken a career break for now and in process of acquiring further qualification . One of my DH's friends is sending his LO to the nursery at 6 months ( both partners are working so they had to ) . Now I understand their situation , problem is that he keeps on bragging to my DH that his LO is learning a lot in the nursery , making "friends " and that we should also send our LO to the nursery. This is giving my DH terrible FOMO and me anxiety as I m not willing to send my LO to the nursery. Am I doing the right thing? Is my LO really missing out on things by staying at home with Mamma ? I am very confused and need guidance, please help !

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

avamiah · 06/02/2023 01:04

I have always believed Nursery is important but from at least 2 years of age and Secondary school .

Ponderingwindow · 06/02/2023 01:09

No. Sending babies to nursery at 6 months may be necessary, but it isn’t going to benefit the baby in any way.

If you want to get some social time go to story time at the library or to a local play group. You will be able to socialize with other parents and baby will be around other children.

I do think around age 3 it is nice to get a bit of practice going to “school”. Basically practice being dropped off, following directions, and being in a group setting. It helps children get ready for actual school so that reception won’t quite as shocking. If they happen to learn a bit of academics that is a bonus, but really it’s about learning to be part of a class.

Academically your child is learning everything he or she needs to know from you. Just talking to your baby, reading, and playing, you baby is learning.

Rowen32 · 06/02/2023 05:24

Avie8 · 06/02/2023 00:04

@Rowen32 I did some preliminary reading on attachment theory as suggested . Quite an eye opener I must say . Peer pressure made me forget that I am my baby's home , I am all that she needs . Thanks for helping me remember that !

You're welcome, I'm so glad it helped. Something else my husband says is 'well no one is going to love them more than you' :-)

user40643 · 06/02/2023 07:22

Nope.

My dc has never been and will never attend nursery, also delayed school start.

I've been told again and again that dc must attend nursery, western society is like this but we do attachment parenting.

MinistryMelody · 06/02/2023 07:46

Every single person who sends their under 3s to nursery goes on about how their child is "thriving", and "making friends" and "learning so much". I think they are saying this more to convince themselves than anyone else.
All the scientific research says there are zero benefits to nursery before about 3 years old.

Purpleturtle45 · 06/02/2023 14:26

Absolutely keep your child with you at 6 months old, that's the best place they can be. Not sure why on earth anyone would suggest at that age, being looked after by an employee as part of a group would be best . I would say your friend perhaps is jealous that you are able to stay home with your child.

There are plenty groups that you can take your child too that will allow them to socialise with other kids.

Kittenmitten22 · 06/02/2023 14:27

It's entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel pressured either way. At 6 months old, if your child doesn't need to go to nursery then I don't see the benefit.

For us, we sent our son from 2 years old, as we felt he needed it because of his behavioural needs and it really did benefit him and is greatly.

Our girl is now 2 and we weren't going to send her so early, as we don't necessarily need to (we both work from home), but she doesn't talk much (apart from babbling in her own language!) and doesn't have any other interaction with children her age, so we thought we'd give it a go and again, she's really benefitting from it and loves it.

It's not for everyons, and your decision entirely.

Cherry85 · 06/02/2023 14:29

I call BLLSHT!!!

That sounds like a dad who is feeling guilty about sending LO to nursery so early and trying to justify it to himself.

I think at 6 months just being with any engaged caregiver, Parent or nursery is the same. I had a lockdown baby and he went to nursery at 1.25. He is only just starting to make real friends now at 3 years old as until then they don't understand sharing or playing together and are independent wee things.

Don't get me wrong - there is nothing wrong with sending LO to nursery at that age, but I wouldn't say any massive benefit either.

JenniferBarkley · 06/02/2023 14:32

MinistryMelody · 06/02/2023 07:46

I dunno. Mine did thrive and learn a lot and make friends.

Stating that doesn't mean I don't think they would have done as well at home. I wouldn't have thrived, I do know that.

Definitely less messy play at home though

DontMakeMeShushYou · 06/02/2023 14:49

Do what is right for your family and your situation.

There is no right or wrong about this. Send your child to nursery if you want to, or not if you don't want to. Neither option is any more beneficial or any more harmful than the other.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 06/02/2023 14:50

@MinistryMelody I have noticed that too.
When people asked if my daughter went to nursery when I went back to work part time (shift work so it's flexible) and I said that she'll go when she's 3. I had all these quotes.
My daughter was no different to these children developmental wise.
She settled straight away when she was 3 and you wouldn't know who in her class went to nursery before this or not.

Tartifletti · 06/02/2023 14:53

Absolutely not necessary! I sent DD when she was 1, as I went back to work, but she would have been far happier with me until she was at least 2 and probably would have learnt more.

PennyRa · 06/02/2023 15:15

That's like asking if school is necessary, obviously not, and in fact harms many.

Loving parents can give a child vastly more than nursery ever could

beansmeanz · 06/02/2023 15:19

make it simple for yourself - do you want them to go to nursery, does it suit your lifestyle? yes send them. No keep them at home.

doadeer · 06/02/2023 15:21

No 6 month old has friends. That's ridiculous. Unless I had to, there's no way I would choose to send a 6 month old to nursery.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 06/02/2023 15:29

Take no notice of him he's just bragging the way men do. Bet this fella doesn't do any of the childcare at home, leaves it all to his partner and waxes lyrical about how much an amazing Dad he is. I know the type.

6 month old baby making friends Jesus wept he hasn't got a clue. 6 month old babies don't play with each other, they just whack each other on the head. They might smile at each other now and then.

6 month old babies need the care of loving adults, ideally the same person as much as possible whether that is a parent, carer or nursery key worker.

My son hasn't started nursery yet, he will when he turns two. But I have no judgement for parents who send babies to nursery. It's what works best for each individual family.

You do you and enjoy this precious time it goes fast xx

CashierNumberSixPlease · 06/02/2023 16:12

Mine never went to nursery (too expensive and no free hours back then). By the end of her first day in reception she had 3 "best friends" and 26 years later they are still close. You do what suits you OP, enjoy the time you spend with your LO and sod what anyone else thinks or says.

NCcantthinkofanewone · 06/02/2023 16:24

A 6 month old needs their parents at that age if it's not needed for childcare.

We sent our child at 2.

mdh2020 · 06/02/2023 16:34

Neither of my children went to nursery until they were 3 and a half and then they went to the nursery attached to their future Primary School in the mornings. I did a lot of activities with them at home - cooking, reading, painting, sewing, puzzles etc., - and we had lots of play dates. By the age of 3 they were doing them on their own. Both were well adjusted and ahead of their class in infant school. There was, and is, a lot of pressure to send young children to nursery but if you are giving them learning experiences and social opportunities it is not necessary. My GC went to nursery very young and came to me one day a week. DS said they did more and learnt more with me.

Original poster

Avie8 · 06/02/2023 17:00

Hello again everyone , thanks to each and every one of you who took time out to reply and share their wisdom and experiences .

Till yesterday I was in the dark . A big thanks to all you wonderful people for sharing your light .
😊

OP posts:

bakewellbride · 06/02/2023 19:36

It's not beneficial until 3 imo.

Tumbleweed101 · 07/02/2023 06:49

Babies can and do enjoy the company of other babies but they can do that at a toddler group with you.

Unless necessary I’d say they benefit from nursery for themselves after the age of 3. This is when they start to look forward I seeing their friends and play cooperatively. There is a difference even at 3 with children who come full time and children who just do the 15hrs funded. I think children benefit most from nursery - at any age - in small doses rather than full time.

plumduck · 07/02/2023 07:02

Comparison is the thief of joy

lilyfire · 07/02/2023 07:20

My eldest went to nursery from 9 months, my middle one to a childminder at a year and my youngest didn’t go to childcare/nursery at all. They’re now teenagers and all fine socially but the youngest has the best social skills. That may just be his personality but not going to nursery certainly didn’t harm him.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 07/02/2023 07:53

@Tumbleweed101 what's the difference between 15hrs and full time?

Flip

1 2 3