Nursery asking us to come and change nappy

[fari2014]

Hi,

My son has place in nursery connected to school. The nursery saying they don't have nappy changing facilities and if child soils themselves or nappy needs changing. They will call parents to come and do it.

Is this normal? Do all nurseries connected to school do this?

People saying SEN and NT know that in most cases you cant have a disgnosis before 2 year old right?

You might be able to with OBVIOUS disabilities like for example Down Syndrome but most conditions like ASD, ADHD, Dyspraxia etc... are invisible wont be diagnosed until far later.

My DS has a gentic disorder (cerebal palsy) that he inheritated from me, symptoms became clear at 2 year old hes now 4 year old and they wont start 'official investigations' (although he has already seen dozens of people who agree thats what it likely is) and lable it an 'official diagnosis' until after 5 year old (wont even do the MRI before then) because before that delays can be caused by multiple things so they wont lock one diagnosis in even if its fairly obvious.

I was 8 before I was diagnosed - dispite not being diagnosed I had 'toilet training issues' until 10 (although mainly at night) but its discrimination to refuse a child because they are delayed diagnosis or not.

now the potential sen is disclosed.

The nursery arent being unreasonable in their rules but you will need to discuss his additional challenges with them.

If they are still in nappies then I don’t think a school nursery is the right place for them. You need to find childcare that fits the chIld. A preschool with a toddler and baby room on the same site will have the staff and facilities to change nappies. A school will not.

You can also use your preschool hours with childminders too.

@mam0918 I know children who clearly have disabilties who have been diagnosed before 2. However they go to my DD's charity run nursery.

They may not take a child with SEN as they can refuse to take any child if they don't fit in with their existing mindees.

I'm a SENCO in a primary. We have a number of chn who start our nursery in nappies. Some, but not all, have SEN. We have an intimate care policy and write an intimate care plan for every child starting in nappies.

We had similar with dd- not totally non-verbal, but very limited speech and gave zero indication that she knew when she needed to go etc. Her understanding wasn’t good either.

I tried her one day just after she turned 3. On a total whim and wasn’t expecting it to click. She got it straight away, and was dry day and night within a few weeks. Much easier than her NT younger brother who took agggggges and multiple attempts.

You might have already tried, or you just know he’s not there yet, but my experience was a prime example of dd not learning in the same way as a NT kid. She’s nearly five now and I’d still be waiting if I was holding out for the “normal” cues!

Think the rules are totally unreasonable. I can’t imagine children soil themselves everyday even if nit fully potty trained (totally normal btw not to be fully potty trained by 3). Long passed that stage but I definitely remember there being spare trousers at nursery and it never being s big deal. What kind of carer leaves a child in soiled clothes for any period of time irrespective of “rules”? Its not a compassionate way to treat any child so I’d hope it’s something written in theory but never acted on.

@Chillicheesebites The average age for an ASD diagnosis in the UK is just over 6 years old.

Please read this response. If this is a state nursery in the UK they cannot deny your ds a place because he is not continent and they cannot insist you come in to change nappies. Its their problem and they need to sort out a way of supporting his needs.

I will be sending my son in nappies and sending a bag with spare clothes and nappies. Otherwise I can send him in nappy pants.

Yes this is normal. My sister used to work in early years and would advise parents this. It wasn't uncommon for some parents to not have trained children by 3 years old.

SEN completely different however, the nursery should have been informed of this. Does your DS wear pull ups?

So what do you think schools do when children who are not continent attend? If your child has, say, spina bifida and is in nappies do you think they are not allowed to attend their local school?

School nursery classes are different from private day nurseries. In a school the staffing ratio is different, it's one teacher to 13 children. In a day nursery it's one childcare worker to 8 children at this age.
This is a factor, along with many teachers not wanting to change nappies.
As your child potentially has SEN you might want to come sided whether this is the best setting for your child. The signs are that they aren't very inclusive.
Contact your local authority parent partnership and the early years SEN team. They can advise you of how to get support and guidance.
My advice is it's worth finding a setting that is welcoming and adaptable so your child can make the best possible progress.

Surely this was discussed before you accepted the place?

Because of COVID backlog, it is taking longer for diagnosis for mental illness like autism. I am been told November is earliest I will get appointment with SEN team to diagnose son.

He wears nappies at the moment.

I will send son in nappies or nappy pants and see how it goes.

I looked for another nursery but all are full. I need him to start in September as need EHCP plan so he goes to special school.

The nursery attached to our school is from 6 weeks so they change nappies. We don’t use it as it is term time only.
Our private nursery has no rules, DD trained at just turned 2 but the majority are not trained at just 3 (they are all turning 3 now in our room and most still in nappies).

I’m not sure this is a good setting for your child and circumstances @fari2014 regardless of diagnosis.

I expect you’ll get calls to change his nappies then? Are you expecting them to do it when they have explicitly said in advance they won’t do this? That would be unfair on staff and your child.

What @PinkyU said. DfE guidance explicitly states that educational establishments cannot ask parents to come in to deal with toileting. Quite shocking the nursery are not aware of this.

Then in this case you have a right under the act to inform the school that they can't discriminate on ability. He's non verbal at 3.

This is ridiculous as some children will be only just 3 when starting nursery. Its really not uncommon for a 3 year old not to be quite ready for potty training.