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Original poster

Serious Accident at nursery

149 replies

Moma1821 · 01/05/2022 20:41

Hi everyone,

Just looking for some support really.
My daughter was attacked at nursery on Tuesday by another child (as were several others) the child ran at her with an empty cable reel toy on purpose and has cut her head open badly. It had to be glued
This child had only that day been reintroduced back into the group of eight teacher child ratio due to ongoing issues where they lashed out and staff and couldn't cope with nursery life.
The footage was so distressing. I will never forget.
Im really distraught it took a lot for me to trust anyone to look after my child and she had been doing so well there. Now I just feel angry and upset and unsure what to do. I've had a meeting with the nursery and the child is excluded they have apologised profusely and given me all the assurances and explanations they can. But I just feel what the hell are you doing putting a child who is violent in a group of 8 with one nursery nurse who was fairly new. The child basically went on a rampage and my child came off the worst by far and away.
She had never been to hospital before and really had no bumps and scrapes in her 3 and half years. Now she will have a scar ok in her hair but I just feel why should she have to have this because the nursery was trying to do the nice thing with this other child.
Luckily my child seems ok in herself and tells me she is not in pain. She is due to go to school September. I really don't want to send her back to nursery but I am worried that relationships with other children who will go to her school will be lost and learning too if i don't send her back (im on maternity) and I won't get her in at another nursery now and if I did it would be too disruptive before school in September.
Im just so furious. Where ever I look online no one else seems to mention an accident at nursery as serious as this inflicted by another child just bumps and scrapes. I don't feel like I can chat with people easily about this as my daughter is always with me.
Am I overreacting, is this par for the course, should I let it go for the sake of 11 weeks?
I haven't slept well since it happened and I've really worried about it.
My baby was due to go to that nursery in September too but I feel I have lost all trust in them. I have already started to enquire at another nursery.
The last few days I've done some lovely things with my daughter as I think she deserves it after what she has been through and I keep upbeat around her but it has all felt like a nightmare and made me feel really down.

OP posts:
AndAsIfByMagic · 03/05/2022 17:15

lollipoprainbow · 03/05/2022 15:45

@Fishwishy @@AndAsIfByMagic what's the answer then put sen children into an institution?

Specialised schools adequately staffed. Simple.

Only4You · 03/05/2022 17:30

Not all children with SEN need to be in a specialised school

Adequate staffing level is ALWAYS the issue alongside appropriate training do the staff.
But that’s not just for SEN schools. That’s for all schools.

Only4You · 03/05/2022 17:34

Not the OP's problem. If there is no money for a 1 to 1 then the child should not be in school.
Again, not the OP's problem. If no one can be found the child stays at home.

And that is exactly how a system is gearing up against some children, making them a failure/a pariah before they’ve even reached school age….
As you said that’s how things were done in the 1970s. We can look back and see how it failed children rather than supple them. Why one would want to go back to that is surprising tbh.

MichelleScarn · 03/05/2022 18:16

. If there were a choice, it is exactly these damaged children who should be the ones in Nursery for a greater number of hours a week, rather than those who have already learned how to share, and how to handle their emotions.
So you're advocating excluding children who can share?

LoveSpringDaffs · 03/05/2022 19:34

Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 22:00

@LoveSpringDaffs that is a good point about there wouldn't be so much of an option if this happened at school.
Yes I think he has been through some sort of trauma and is acting it out.
At least my little girl has been a happy and loved little girl all her life and her biggest worry is mainly losing her favourite cuddly ❤

@Moma1821

How's DD doing? Was she at nursery today?

I'm 53 & would still find losing my Ted (& others)!traumatic!!

Kite22 · 03/05/2022 20:19

@Booboobagins You are showing how little you know about children with SEND with that post.

@AndAsIfByMagic this thread is showing you exactly the opposite of what you are stating though. It is the OP's problem, as it is the OP's dc that got hurt. It is society's problem. Parents (such as the OP) overwhelmingly can't afford to pay more for their childcare than they are already doing. Nobody has campaigned hard enough to make the lack of money in childcare a big enough political issue for any political party to choose to fund the most formative years of a person's life. So, we end up with one underpaid (and usually only qualified to Level 3) member of staff looking after 8 x 3 and 4 year olds. Potentially 2 or 3 of those 8 year olds have additional needs of one sort or another - sometimes SEND which, at this age is frequently undiagnosed; sometimes having experienced trauma; sometimes general neglect and lack of positive interaction; sometime ignored; sometimes abused; sometimes born addicted; sometimes living with drug abusers. Some children are "only" coping with the fact this is the first time they have been away from their parent, or maybe the fact that they have no English spoken language (and sometimes understanding), or just generally the effects of being tiny babies when COVID started, and all the poverty of experience that brought.
It then means that none of these children are getting as much attention as is ideal. How many on this thread would relish the thought of not only caring for, but educating and stimulating 8 x 3 and 4 year olds for 8 hours a day, even without the additional needs so many children arrive with?

Kite22 · 03/05/2022 20:21

MichelleScarn · 03/05/2022 18:16

. If there were a choice, it is exactly these damaged children who should be the ones in Nursery for a greater number of hours a week, rather than those who have already learned how to share, and how to handle their emotions.
So you're advocating excluding children who can share?

Oh good grief.
Of course that is not being said. Don't be ridiculous.

packedlunches · 03/05/2022 20:52

Kite22 · 03/05/2022 20:19

@Booboobagins You are showing how little you know about children with SEND with that post.

@AndAsIfByMagic this thread is showing you exactly the opposite of what you are stating though. It is the OP's problem, as it is the OP's dc that got hurt. It is society's problem. Parents (such as the OP) overwhelmingly can't afford to pay more for their childcare than they are already doing. Nobody has campaigned hard enough to make the lack of money in childcare a big enough political issue for any political party to choose to fund the most formative years of a person's life. So, we end up with one underpaid (and usually only qualified to Level 3) member of staff looking after 8 x 3 and 4 year olds. Potentially 2 or 3 of those 8 year olds have additional needs of one sort or another - sometimes SEND which, at this age is frequently undiagnosed; sometimes having experienced trauma; sometimes general neglect and lack of positive interaction; sometime ignored; sometimes abused; sometimes born addicted; sometimes living with drug abusers. Some children are "only" coping with the fact this is the first time they have been away from their parent, or maybe the fact that they have no English spoken language (and sometimes understanding), or just generally the effects of being tiny babies when COVID started, and all the poverty of experience that brought.
It then means that none of these children are getting as much attention as is ideal. How many on this thread would relish the thought of not only caring for, but educating and stimulating 8 x 3 and 4 year olds for 8 hours a day, even without the additional needs so many children arrive with?

All of this. We should ALL be campaigning for funding for childcare and education so that incidents like this don't have to happen.

Original poster
Moma1821 · 03/05/2022 21:14

@LoveSpringDaffs
Thank you so much for asking. She is ok I haven't sent her today but will send her back tomorrow. I hope she will be ok. I am worried about sending her back in but have decided she will lose out too much if i don't send her. She is missing her friends and the staff as she keeps talking about them. She does really enjoy nursery. I also keep thinking if she was at school I wouldn't be able to just keep her off with school being compulsory and if I wasn't on maternity leave and was back at work i wouldn't be able to stay at home and just keep her off nursery. She has already missed a week of nursery now. She asked if the boy will be there and said we can't let him hit me 😢 so sad.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 03/05/2022 21:15

Kite22 · 03/05/2022 20:21

Oh good grief.
Of course that is not being said. Don't be ridiculous.

Show quote history

What do you mean then by 'it is x children who should be the ones in nursery rather than y'?

LoveSpringDaffs · 04/05/2022 06:49

@Moma1821

i hope she has a great day today!

With memories like elephants I'm sure she'll keep mentioning it, best to reassure but not make a big fuss. Keep talking about her friends & teachers.

Lots to learn & lots of fun to be had at nursery. Jubilee weekend soon, then the summer holidays... you need some energy reserves!! Plus it's nice to have some time alone with the baby!!

hope you all have a good day 🌷

Original poster
Moma1821 · 04/05/2022 20:43

@LoveSpringDaffs thank you so much for your kind message.
She had a lovely day.
I did have a sleepless night but seeing her there with her friends and how cute the kids are hugging and kissing each other was lovely.
Fingers crossed she can have a good few weeks now leading up to summer break and I can get on track with baby weaning and house move!
Thanks again your support has been great.

OP posts:
LoveSpringDaffs · 04/05/2022 21:02

Oh I'm glad she had a good day & enjoyed being with her friends. They are adorable at that age!!

Baby weaning & a house move....you definitely need her in nursery some of the week!!!

at least we have some good weather coming, hopefully you have some outside space for weaning. It definitely makes it easier!!

🌷

Original poster
Moma1821 · 04/05/2022 21:07

@LoveSpringDaffs they truly are i ended up reading them stories and some of them kissed me and hugged me as we left and they loved the baby.

😂 yes busy times. I would keep my daughter with me all the time but think nursery does her good and it does allow me and the baby some bonding.

Outside weaning I like that idea and also outside painting with my daughter less clean up!!

OP posts:
catsandquails · 08/05/2022 20:51

Sadly it all comes down to funding. There's not enough money to pay nursery staff a proper wage as it is, and that's when working within the normal ratios. There's certainly not spare cash for a child who requires 1:1 care. Securing funding from the LA is a long process, with even severe cases being refused.

Diagnosis takes years, there's little support available even after diagnosis, sometimes no support at all. Then you need to go through the EHCP process, again even severe cases are rejected and parents have to go through appeals. Then if you manage to get the EHCP grated you can potentially access specialised provision- if there's something suitable and if you're not refused.

It's really not as simple as providing 1:1 care or sending the child to a more suitable setting. If only!

Mauhan · 11/05/2022 14:11

My son got serious facial injury at nursery and might scarred for life. What shall i do?

INeedNewShoes · 11/05/2022 22:13

@Mauhan Make sure he's had whatever medical attention he needs and is encouraged to continue socialising with his peers?

Scars can heal amazingly well over time, especially if well cared for (massage the scar firmly with vitamin E moisturiser and ensure it never ever gets sunburned).

Unless there was clear absolute negligence on the part of the nursery I'd just count the accident as one of those things. If they did fail their duty of care, report to Ofsted.

Mauhan · 15/05/2022 11:59

Hi can you recommend which vitamin E for kids ?

snowbellsxox · 12/07/2022 20:22

Aggressive kid shouldn't have been in there with the other children absolutely disgraceful so sorry for your family xx

Fandabydosey · 17/02/2023 21:30

I hope she is ok and you can overcome your trauma. Thankfully young children don't remember these things and they are very resilient. There is no funding for SEN so if the child does have SEND (it sounds likely) legally they cannot exclude a child easily as it could amount to disabilty discrimination. Obviously I don't know the details of your particular case bit it isn't as simple as the nursery being nice. They don't have the resources or funds to provide 1-2-1 support

wherearetheturtles · 17/02/2023 21:59

Fandabydosey · 17/02/2023 21:30

I hope she is ok and you can overcome your trauma. Thankfully young children don't remember these things and they are very resilient. There is no funding for SEN so if the child does have SEND (it sounds likely) legally they cannot exclude a child easily as it could amount to disabilty discrimination. Obviously I don't know the details of your particular case bit it isn't as simple as the nursery being nice. They don't have the resources or funds to provide 1-2-1 support

This post is from last May

Mumsanetta · 17/02/2023 23:04

Apologies for the stupid question but I’m wondering why there is a difference between a private school and private nursery. It’s a known fact that many private schools do not take children with SEN if they require 1:1 support - they simply say that they cannot support the child’s needs and that’s the end of it. Why is it that a fee paying nursery cannot also refuse to take SEN children if they feel they are not adequately resourced to support them?

Mumsanetta · 17/02/2023 23:05

Zombie thread - how annoying.

cansu · 17/02/2023 23:11

Many children attend nursery and school with undiagnosed sen. The fact that he might have lashed out before does not mean that the nursery could access 1.1 nor would it indicate that he might cause your dd an injury. It was awful for you but there isn't always an answer that someone else is to blame.

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