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Original poster

Serious Accident at nursery

149 replies

Moma1821 · 01/05/2022 20:41

Hi everyone,

Just looking for some support really.
My daughter was attacked at nursery on Tuesday by another child (as were several others) the child ran at her with an empty cable reel toy on purpose and has cut her head open badly. It had to be glued
This child had only that day been reintroduced back into the group of eight teacher child ratio due to ongoing issues where they lashed out and staff and couldn't cope with nursery life.
The footage was so distressing. I will never forget.
Im really distraught it took a lot for me to trust anyone to look after my child and she had been doing so well there. Now I just feel angry and upset and unsure what to do. I've had a meeting with the nursery and the child is excluded they have apologised profusely and given me all the assurances and explanations they can. But I just feel what the hell are you doing putting a child who is violent in a group of 8 with one nursery nurse who was fairly new. The child basically went on a rampage and my child came off the worst by far and away.
She had never been to hospital before and really had no bumps and scrapes in her 3 and half years. Now she will have a scar ok in her hair but I just feel why should she have to have this because the nursery was trying to do the nice thing with this other child.
Luckily my child seems ok in herself and tells me she is not in pain. She is due to go to school September. I really don't want to send her back to nursery but I am worried that relationships with other children who will go to her school will be lost and learning too if i don't send her back (im on maternity) and I won't get her in at another nursery now and if I did it would be too disruptive before school in September.
Im just so furious. Where ever I look online no one else seems to mention an accident at nursery as serious as this inflicted by another child just bumps and scrapes. I don't feel like I can chat with people easily about this as my daughter is always with me.
Am I overreacting, is this par for the course, should I let it go for the sake of 11 weeks?
I haven't slept well since it happened and I've really worried about it.
My baby was due to go to that nursery in September too but I feel I have lost all trust in them. I have already started to enquire at another nursery.
The last few days I've done some lovely things with my daughter as I think she deserves it after what she has been through and I keep upbeat around her but it has all felt like a nightmare and made me feel really down.

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/05/2022 10:34

your dd will be fine
her head has been glued
it surely looked worse due to the blood and showing you the tape <<why>>

things happen op, things happen in the home, rough and tumble of play.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/05/2022 10:35

the nursery are doing their best to look after the excluded child also - and the reasoning for ratio would be lack of money.
they cannot magic up money for more support.

Bettyboop3 · 02/05/2022 11:16

BungleandGeorge · 02/05/2022 09:39

I’m not sure why they showed you footage of the incident, I imagine that has made it worse. Kids in nursery do hit and bite and unfortunately on this occasion it’s caught her such that it’s caused an injury. Was the toy broken or defective to be able to cause that injury?

Also as per data protection laws they would be breaking the law showing you the footage unless they had permission from the other set of parents.

Original poster
Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 11:42

@Feelingoktoday
Yes very true unfortunately not all children or people are nice. I suppose I can't protect her from the bad forever perhaps I was ambitious hoping picking a good nursery would stop her exposure to it.

OP posts:
HappyMeal564 · 02/05/2022 11:43

MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/05/2022 10:34

your dd will be fine
her head has been glued
it surely looked worse due to the blood and showing you the tape <<why>>

things happen op, things happen in the home, rough and tumble of play.

I find this a bit casual, a child in the room went on a rampage and split her head open. Not really rough and tumble. OP i sympathise, I'd be really upset like you are no idea what to do in this situation. Unfortunately it was at your child's expense which is awful but I imagine they will have learnt alot from this. Hope she's OK 💐

Original poster
Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 11:45

@BungleandGeorge
Yes I do think seeing the footage made it worse images are always worse and there seemed so much aggression.
The toy was defective or broken but it was an empty cable reel and I just think the force it was smacked over her head cut her head open.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 11:48

@HappyMeal564
I agree there was no rough and tumble about it he meant it all at the time and after had no recollection of his involvement in it. Make no mistake this child has now hit staff, his parents and other children its not rough and tumble its serious issues. And you are right its at my childs expense.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 11:51

@packedlunches
I agree i think the school system fails certain types of children.
I also agree that accidents and unfortunately incidents will occur i will need to toughen up a bit i was completely unprepared for it if im honest after 2 and half good years at nursery with lovely children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 11:56

@BreatheAndFocus I agree it seems to me this child does need 1:1. The nursery had been trying to accommodate it unofficially where they could but there was no support from LA. After the incident however, the child has now been offered 1:1 support by LA. Bit late now!

OP posts:
AndAsIfByMagic · 02/05/2022 12:08

I'm surprised that people are minimising this attack on OP's child.

The other child shouldn't be in the company of other children without a 1 to 1 The nursery should refuse to take him.

Years ago teachers could refuse to teach violent children. Time they did it again.

INeedNewShoes · 02/05/2022 12:30

The nursery should refuse to take him.

I understand this viewpoint but these children need access to childcare/nursery/education.

There’s a child in DD’s class who rearranges the furniture in the classroom when they have a meltdown. Someone may get hurt at some point. It could be my DD that gets hurt. That would be upsetting but I nevertheless absolutely do not believe that this child should be excluded from school. They are bright, happy and caring and absolutely belong in mainstream school, just with the right support.

There needs to be some sort of provision for nurseries to get funding for extra staff to support children who need more undivided attention. Trouble is that the pathway for diagnosing SEN takes too long so most of these kids will be halfway through primary school by the time they’re assessed and have provision put in place.

packedlunches · 02/05/2022 12:32

Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 11:56

@BreatheAndFocus I agree it seems to me this child does need 1:1. The nursery had been trying to accommodate it unofficially where they could but there was no support from LA. After the incident however, the child has now been offered 1:1 support by LA. Bit late now!

This is all LA's modus operandi - wait until something serious happens then be reactive. They are never proactive and many, many children suffer (both those needing help and neurotypical children such as your daughter)
It's not fair on anyone and I honestly fear it's going to take something really tragic to happen before LA's/government actually realise what a problem this is.
Hopefully your daughter doesn't have to be exposed to violence like this again.

packedlunches · 02/05/2022 12:36

INeedNewShoes · 02/05/2022 12:30

The nursery should refuse to take him.

I understand this viewpoint but these children need access to childcare/nursery/education.

There’s a child in DD’s class who rearranges the furniture in the classroom when they have a meltdown. Someone may get hurt at some point. It could be my DD that gets hurt. That would be upsetting but I nevertheless absolutely do not believe that this child should be excluded from school. They are bright, happy and caring and absolutely belong in mainstream school, just with the right support.

There needs to be some sort of provision for nurseries to get funding for extra staff to support children who need more undivided attention. Trouble is that the pathway for diagnosing SEN takes too long so most of these kids will be halfway through primary school by the time they’re assessed and have provision put in place.

It's sadly always a money thing isn't it.
But the only thing that would help is more staff or less children. As well as having designated safe space, sensory room, nurture area, family liaison, occupational therapy, etc.
I really hope in the future we can see huge investment in schools and early years settings.

Only4You · 02/05/2022 14:01

Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 11:56

@BreatheAndFocus I agree it seems to me this child does need 1:1. The nursery had been trying to accommodate it unofficially where they could but there was no support from LA. After the incident however, the child has now been offered 1:1 support by LA. Bit late now!

I don’t think ‘it’s a bit Kate now’
It has happened as soon as it could be and the fact they are offering 1-1 in nursery is telling me the nursery has been on the ball with this issue for a long time.

No it hasn’t stopped your dd being hurt (and other children). But it means it’s now less likely to happen do your dd (and the other dcs) will be in a better place. And the child is getting the support it needs.
Seeing how long it can take to get the LA involved, I’d say it’s pretty good.

one question is: is it likely that your dd and this child will be at school together?
Because you might get yourself ready to the idea that this is a situation your dd will encounter at school (with
this child or another).

Original poster
Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 14:50

@BreatheAndFocus
How can overnight a child go from not having any support to needing 1:1? What has happened here is the LA has reacted too late to the incident and not the child's needs. The nursery had approached the LA before and they refused to support. But the day they found out about this incident without even seeing the child 1:1 was given!!!!!! And yes it is too late for my child with her head sliced open!!

I have no idea if they will attend school together. I'd imagine after being permanently excluded from nursery and given 1:1 the parents will now review their school a

OP posts:
Original poster
Moma1821 · 02/05/2022 15:15

@Only4You
Thank you I think that's good advice.
You are very right.

OP posts:
Nocutenamesleft · 02/05/2022 15:23

That's horrible

We had a really violent child at pre school. Who went onto school

He knocked a little girl who was 4 unconscious with a head injury by hitting her across the head with a chair! He electrocuted another child. He caused another little girl to have to be rushed to hospital when he tried to strangle her

My gosh I was so cross. Fortunately my daughter only had sand thrown in her eyes by him. The nursery have done good here I feel. They've immediately excluded him. The school where I was. He was placed under 24/7 one to one. However these things still happened. He was given his own spot and wall with his pictures and it caused outrage because as the children got older they would ask why Johnny is so naughty but gets his own wall of paintings!

Our school did not handle it well. I hone educate now because of many things but one being that my children a safety wasn't looked after.

I'm so sorry this happened and it does happen. If you ever need a friend. I'm here xx

Nocutenamesleft · 02/05/2022 15:24

catsnore · 01/05/2022 21:26

Gosh that is horrible. Poor her (and you!). At least the other child has been excluded and you don't have to worry about it happening again. Unfortunately it seems quite common for incidents like this to happen - here are mine (so far!)

My dd1 had another child deliberately throw sand in her eye on the first week of primary school. I was told it was an accident but an older child who was there told me they did it deliberately. We had to attend A and E the next day as her eye was all infected and she said it really hurt. (It was fine in the end). No consequences for the kid who did it.

At her current school dd1 has a child in her class who has had violent outbursts, thrown furniture and attacked the teacher. He has not been excluded (despite all those behaviours being against school code of conduct) because he has SEN and is a vulnerable child. I sympathise with this situation but cannot see a solution as he is so disruptive.

It seems that schools generally have inclusive policies and that is good - you don't want hundreds of children excluded, especially children who are violent because people have been violent to them. Yet at the same time the schools don't seem to be able to punish/control/prevent the bad behaviour.

No idea of there is any sort of solution. Specialist schools? Self defence classes?! Honestly, I've told dd1 that if someone is consistently violent to her and the teachers do nothing, she should fight back. 😢

I feel we’re talking about the same child!

Shoebie · 02/05/2022 15:33

Aw bless her, I'd be hesitant to send her back as well, especially as you don't have to. I'd follow her lead though, if she's happy to go back in it'll be really good for her I think to do so after going through that; similarly if she doesn't I wouldn't push her (as long as you're happy to have her home of course!). Although personally I think there are benefits to nursery settings before school, plenty of children also go straight to school and do fine, so I wouldn't worry too much. Another option could be to reduce hours a bit so a best of both worlds type scenario?

Nocutenamesleft · 02/05/2022 15:41

Bettyboop3 · 02/05/2022 11:16

Also as per data protection laws they would be breaking the law showing you the footage unless they had permission from the other set of parents.

Show quote history

Actually. That’s very true.

Shoebie · 02/05/2022 15:49

Nocutenamesleft · 02/05/2022 15:41

Actually. That’s very true.

Show quote history

Not necessarily, it depends on the nursery's policy.

Threetulips · 02/05/2022 18:03

Nocutenamesleft

did you make an official complaint? My experience is that parents voices are louder than teaching staff. Teachers are just moaners lazy and slack! (According to management who do nothing)

parents sending letters of complain help the staff get the support! It in turn helps the child (and by proxy the other children)

GeminiTwin · 02/05/2022 19:01

OP I don't have any advise all I can say is..

My at the time 9 month DD (who's now 17 months.) was pushed at the childminders by a 7 year old who as SEN.

She had a lump on her head for 3 days and he was permanently excluded from her care as he had hurt a baby.
My blood ran cold and I just felt an immediate hate on the child. Now rationally it wasn't his fault I guess as he has SEN. He had never had an outburst like this before and the day he did it was the last day in CM care.

The rage you feel in your stomach when somebody hurts your child is valid and don't ever feel like you're overreacting.
DDs 17 months now. I know she will get into scraps and get lumps she bumps that's part of being a kid, but a scar to your DDs head. Poor thing. I'm glad the other child has been excluded. Over time your thoughts will rationalise and you won't feel as much anger to the nursery. It wasn't their fault. But I totally understand your feelings as I felt the same for a while. But they have done the right thing and showed they are dealing with this seriously by permanently excluding him.

Hope your DDs okay. When someone hurts your child to that extent the anger is like no other!

GeminiTwin · 02/05/2022 19:06

Just to add a lot of childcare settings now have their hands tied. They have to include children with SEN to be inclusive but in some situations it is putting other children in danger. I'm not saying separate SEN and non-SEN but more risk assessments need to be put in place.

1AngelicFruitCake · 02/05/2022 19:07

I would ask if ofsted know and the local authority. The nursery reintroducing the child means there was a real risk there. Your poor daughter and poor you, must have been awful. Hopefully she won’t remember it in time to come.

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