Serious Accident at nursery

[Moma1821]

Hi everyone,

Just looking for some support really.
My daughter was attacked at nursery on Tuesday by another child (as were several others) the child ran at her with an empty cable reel toy on purpose and has cut her head open badly. It had to be glued
This child had only that day been reintroduced back into the group of eight teacher child ratio due to ongoing issues where they lashed out and staff and couldn't cope with nursery life.
The footage was so distressing. I will never forget.
Im really distraught it took a lot for me to trust anyone to look after my child and she had been doing so well there. Now I just feel angry and upset and unsure what to do. I've had a meeting with the nursery and the child is excluded they have apologised profusely and given me all the assurances and explanations they can. But I just feel what the hell are you doing putting a child who is violent in a group of 8 with one nursery nurse who was fairly new. The child basically went on a rampage and my child came off the worst by far and away.
She had never been to hospital before and really had no bumps and scrapes in her 3 and half years. Now she will have a scar ok in her hair but I just feel why should she have to have this because the nursery was trying to do the nice thing with this other child.
Luckily my child seems ok in herself and tells me she is not in pain. She is due to go to school September. I really don't want to send her back to nursery but I am worried that relationships with other children who will go to her school will be lost and learning too if i don't send her back (im on maternity) and I won't get her in at another nursery now and if I did it would be too disruptive before school in September.
Im just so furious. Where ever I look online no one else seems to mention an accident at nursery as serious as this inflicted by another child just bumps and scrapes. I don't feel like I can chat with people easily about this as my daughter is always with me.
Am I overreacting, is this par for the course, should I let it go for the sake of 11 weeks?
I haven't slept well since it happened and I've really worried about it.
My baby was due to go to that nursery in September too but I feel I have lost all trust in them. I have already started to enquire at another nursery.
The last few days I've done some lovely things with my daughter as I think she deserves it after what she has been through and I keep upbeat around her but it has all felt like a nightmare and made me feel really down.

@Williamshatnershorses thank you for your message thats very helpful.

Glad you're feeling a bit better OP.

@Threetulips the exclusion is permanent I don't know if he had been excluded before but his hours had been reduced which makes me think the parent s and the nursery must have seen the setting wasn't working for him.
I will put something in writing. I have minutes from the meeting I took and I emailed the nursery some other questions but I think I need to pull it all together in a written response.

@CloudPop yes I do pay an awful lot of money each month for her to attend. I've been on maternity since October I could have kept her with me 5 days as I adore my daughter and love spending time with her but I have sent her 3 days for her benefit really as she loves nursery and I thought it would get her ready for school. Yes I agree I don't feel you should just accept these things happen - they shouldn't things need to change.

That's the whole point of the cameras. I remember going to view a nursery with cameras and tbh what OP describes is not comparable to a child throwing sand although I understand sand can be dangerous too. I would want to see the camera footage too... because it looks bad o the staff!

Poor little DD & poor you, such a shock!

I'd definitely let her go back, she wants to & it's important to get back on the horse. Plus should be anything happens once she's at school she won't be able choose not to go.

I feel sorry for the little boy, it's horrible to think about what he must have been through to act like this. Poor thing 💔 I hope they find him another setting that can provide the care he needs.

I hope she enjoys going back & this last short period before Big School.

@oakleaffy apparently he hasn't always been violent and things have changed more recently. I am unsure why.
I think the LA failed here not issuing 1:1 for the child.
I wonder if the child wasn't always like this had the nursery built relationships with him and were trying to do their best by him.
My daughter has never mentioned him before but she has moved to 4+ and this is where she has come into contact with him.

@kagerou thank you.
I think you are right this could happen elsewhere i think one thing I have learnt from posts on here and talking to other moms is that unfortunately these incidents do happen. It definitely doesn't make it right but it almost feels as though it is difficult to avoid completely.

@LoveSpringDaffs that is a good point about there wouldn't be so much of an option if this happened at school.
Yes I think he has been through some sort of trauma and is acting it out.
At least my little girl has been a happy and loved little girl all her life and her biggest worry is mainly losing her favourite cuddly ❤

Two issues with the idea of a 1:1 support.

1. Who is going to pay for this 1:1 support?
2. where are they going to get this member of staff from?

Where I work, there is a serious issue with recruitment. Staff have realised they can earn a lot more money for a lot less hassle working in a shop or supermarket.

Secondly, the Nursery can't "refuse to take him" - they have to work within the laws of the country and not discriminate against anyone.

Plus, of course, (and I know nothing about this particular child, but) many of the children who are aggressive have come from homes where the parents are really struggling with parenting. By the children being in Nurseries for a year, or 2, or 3 before they get to school, with professionals who have experience of working both with dc with SEND and dc who are damaged, or traumatised by their lives so far, it can have a really, really positive impact on the behaviour before they get to school - when they will have to attend in far greater child: adult rations, and of course they will be bigger, stronger, and their behaviour will be more ingrained. If there were a choice, it is exactly these damaged children who should be the ones in Nursery for a greater number of hours a week, rather than those who have already learned how to share, and how to handle their emotions.

When exactly is "years ago" ? (from this post). Teachers have always worked with damaged children and children with SEND. Of course, PVIs are not, on the whole, staffed by trained teachers.

Your poor DD. Little kids are a lovely bunch, they'll know your DD was hurt and many of them will be protective of her when she returns.

I suspect the darling child that did this will be back. You can ask the nursery to tell you when and to keep you SD away from him, or at that stage take her out of nursery.

It's not like SEN kids don't know right from wrong is it? They do. It's that they get frustrated quickly and if that 'alert' is not spotted they rampage. If they get away with it it reinforces they can do it again. This little guy sounds like he either isn't learning or isn't capable of stopping himself but he should def know it is wrong to hit someone. Maybe the nursery could get him a punch bag or make a sade place for him to kick off - high walled soft play area, for example.

The prob is, if he's the same age could they end up at the same school? You could ask to meet his parents/guardians and see what they're thinking. You can talk to them calmly about how upset you were about it all. If they are good peopletheyll listen. I can almost guarantee they're exhausted by it all and likely have few people they can talk to about it ☹️

@Booboobagins thank you. My daughter has done so well im proud of her.

I wouldn't feel my daughter was safe if he came back, the nursery said its not known what triggers him and to attack 4 or 5 children in under a minute one viciously makes him too much of a risk.

I really hope they are not at the same school but after reading posts on here it seems even if its not him it will be someone else so scary.

@Booboobagins you clearly know nothing about sen children.

@Booboobagins you know absolutely nothing about that child and nothing about children with SEN, including the huge variety of issues they can have.

We are talking about little children who are impulsive in the first place anyway but your post is disgusting tbh.

@Moma1821 you will be in for a shock if you think the LA failed by not giving a 1-1 as soon as there was a possibility of the nursery struggling to handle the child.

There just isnt enough money to offer 1-1 to all the children that need it.

At least my little girl has been a happy and loved little girl all her life and her biggest worry is mainly losing her favourite cuddly ❤

Your both very lucky then.

@Booboobagins such ignorance.

The thing is that it is lack of funding in many areas that causes situations like this, not the children.

@Only4You in my posts i have said the LA washed their hands of him not that he had only just been referred to them!
They just didn't want to know.

Because its discrimination not to allow him in the nursery. However, there will o doubt be a process for dealing with ongoing issues which may well result in him being 'expelled' from the nursery, but I cant imagine that would happen lightly. If your that distressed, just change nursery. But there's always one or two that play rough or act out, it's inevitable.

@MissMaple82 did you even read my post!

1. Not the OP's problem. If there is no money for a 1 to 1 then the child should not be in school.
2. Again, not the OP's problem. If no one can be found the child stays at home.

When I started teaching in the 70s we could refuse to have a child back in the class who had attacked us. And the union backed us all the way.

A shame it isn't still the case.

@AndAsIfByMagic Indeed political correctness has a lot to answer for throughout the education sector. There is a limited pot of money and we spend far too much time trying to keep people in mainstream education who's behaviour negatively affects others around them. My near retirement teaching assistant friend has commented how school discipline has collapsed and how difficult it is to actually expel or discipline a disruptive child.

Omg I’d be hysterical poor you and your daughter! Honestly I don’t know how I wouldn’t hold back in speaking to the child’s parents!! I would move her to a new nursery but that’s just me

@Fishwishy @@AndAsIfByMagic what's the answer then put sen children into an institution?

My son had his eyebrow and eyelid split by a child at nursery by hitting him repeatedly with a wooden block.
The child was excluded, we decided that because our son wanted to go back we should send him back - he is now 15 and vaguely remembers but it was awful at the time for me being his mum x