Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

2 year old started nursery and I'm devastated

74 replies

aggies87 · 03/09/2021 22:44

Hi everyone.

Thank you for reading my post.

My daughter who is 2 started settling process in day care this week. She will be attending 3 full days a week 8-18. For this week I was able to attend 2 ,1 hour sessions with her in nursery and today she went by herself for 1 hour. As soon as I left her there she was screaming her lungs out. I knew it was expected but later on I heard her from the car park I was waiting at . I came back to check and could hear her as she was in the garden. She was gasping for air and sobbing and screaming and asking for mummy. It hurts my feelings that I put her through that. I know it is expected for kids to behave like this but when I looked at my daughter and her key worker through a glass window she didn't do anything to try and engage with her or occupy her. She was just sitting next to her. I don't have confidence in this nursery. I feel like we are just there to give them money. The key worker did not give me and reassurance or have like a proper conversation with me . When session was over she was ready to give my daughter back right there. My daughter says she doesn't like this lady and I don't blame her . The whole atmosphere in nursery is dull and staff have no personality. They are just there but they don't really participate or engage with kids . I don't think my daughter will benefit from it and I feel sorry for her to be there all bloody day. My husband doesn't support me he says that all kids will cry and she will cry wherever she will go which I get but he doesn't understand my " bad vibe intuition " from the place.

I don't know what to do , I feel devastated and next week she is meant to stay there all day for 3 days. I don't think I can handle that. If staff was friendly and more communicative and reassuring I would be fine with this but under current circumstances I absolutely hate a thought of my daughter being there. I don't think she will let them change her and feed her. Please share your thought with me . I don't exactly know what I expect from this post however even though I try to be reasonable and think clearly my heart says the opposite. Thank you everyone.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nimbuscloud · 03/09/2021 22:47

Do you have to send her? Do you need childcare to allow you to return to work?

LowlyTheWorm · 03/09/2021 22:47

Why does she need to go so long and so suddenly?

squirrelnutkins1 · 03/09/2021 22:49

I think always go with your gut

Thesearmsofmine · 03/09/2021 22:49

Does she have to go? It sounds like she isn’t ready and if it isn’t necessary I wouldn’t send her. If you are working you could look into a childminder instead as the homey atmosphere could be better for her?

Audreyhelp · 03/09/2021 22:49

Take her out and try another nursery it doesn’t sound very good

INeedNewShoes · 03/09/2021 22:50

If you don’t have confidence in the nursery you need to start again and find childcare that you do trust.

It took me 3 attempts to find childcare I was happy with for DD. The staff at her nursery are fabulous and would use every trick in the book to distract a child from crying rather than just sitting there.

WTF475878237NC · 03/09/2021 22:50

This place sounds crap! The key worker wasn't trying to comfort her or distract her?

Embracelife · 03/09/2021 22:51

Try a different nursery

EileenGC · 03/09/2021 22:51

@LowlyTheWorm

Why does she need to go so long and so suddenly?

I assume the OP and her husband have jobs to go to. Why else would she need to do this?

OP, are there any other nurseries in the area with open spaces and the availability you need? I’m guessing you didn’t get a chance to visit the nursery before signing your daughter up, due to Covid? Staff interaction is the first thing I would have been looking at, but obviously with Covid that might not have been possible.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 03/09/2021 22:52

Can you look at using a different nursery? One which has a good vibe rather than feeling dull and where the staff are enthusiastic?

Tryingtryingandtrying · 03/09/2021 22:53

Or a childminder

6fingerkitkat · 03/09/2021 22:53

It's very early days. It will take time for her to understand that you take her, leave her, she plays and you come back

The nursery may be under par- but your emotions are heightened and looking for the evidence that they aren't working properly to look after her.

Not suggesting you are overreacting but it's hard to be objective in these situations .

I totally get the challenge, I've done it twice with my kids. But give it time or get into the nursery and talk to them.

FTEngineerM · 03/09/2021 22:54

Hmm seems odd they just leave her wailing, our DS cried at the first drop off but after a few minutes a cute pic of him playing came out. Whenever I call it’s loud but not kids screaming crying loud just like a school playground loud.

Do you need to send her?

moynomore · 03/09/2021 22:56

Ugh. The prior posts about whether she needs to go for so long are so awful. OP, I think the nursery may not be the right fit, but I promise no long term harm will be done. Maybe start looking for somewhere else.

Opinion4321 · 03/09/2021 22:56

Always trust your instinct.

Does she have to be there as you’re working? If so, where was she before?

If she doesn’t have to be there because of work then I wouldn’t send her back. It may sound OTT but I’d really worry about the effect on her from an attachment and trust perspective

moynomore · 03/09/2021 22:57

@LowlyTheWorm

Why does she need to go so long and so suddenly?

Because the OP wants to make her daughter miserable. Why do you think?

Morechocmorechoc · 03/09/2021 23:00

It's the nursery. Find somewhere better. If you dint have to don't send her and start making calls asap. Do you know anyone who can recommend somewhere better. If she has already decided she doesn't like her key worker and you don't either you are both going to be stressed and miserable

INeedNewShoes · 03/09/2021 23:05

It may sound OTT but I’d really worry about the effect on her from an attachment and trust perspective

OP, don’t listen to this utter bollocks.

Many many children start nursery/childcare at this sort of age and some will have a rocky start even at a good nursery. As long as you can find alternative childcare that you have a better feeling about, please don’t be put off. A good nursery is a fabulous environment for toddlers to spend some time. Great parenting is not just about mummy always being available; it’s a balance , and childcare at this sort of age is considered to be beneficial by most educationalists/child development experts.

saharadry · 03/09/2021 23:06

As pp said, go with your gut.

If the staff aren't comforting your child in some way it's totally unacceptable and will potentially create your child to have no trust in adults in a care/ school setting which will impact forever.

Listen to your child, she doesn't like her worker- move her and explain to your child 'let's find somewhere more fun/ with more toys etc'.

nimbuscloud · 03/09/2021 23:07

@moynomore
What??
I sent my son because I was told he should be socialising. Not everyone sends children to nursery because they have to work.
I took him out again after 2 days because it wasn’t working.

WTF475878237NC · 03/09/2021 23:07

It may sound OTT but I’d really worry about the effect on her from an attachment and trust perspective

OP, don’t listen to this utter bollocks.

^ I think the PP was critical of this particular nursery.

SylvanasWindrunner · 03/09/2021 23:09

It sounds like the nursery might not be a good fit. We looked at several of the big nurseries but eventually found a much smaller family-run one that is so warm and homey. I knew the minute we set foot inside that it wasn't like the others. If you have doubts about the nursery already, can you investigate others? Or a childminder? Not every setting is right for every child, and you need to feel good about the staff I think. If you have doubts already, I'd trust your gut.

EezyOozy · 03/09/2021 23:10

My dd has just started going to pre school two days per week. The other day she was howling when she went In and did not want me to leave. There is a one way system in place where you basically have to walk all the way round the pre school hut to get back to the street after drop off. I walked slowly to see/hear what happened and the staff were so lovely with her and have her loads of cuddles and quickly set about getting into play doh. They were so lovely and maternal with her, and she came out beaming at the end of the day. So I was happy. Your experience sounds like the opposite - they ignored her and didn't engage with her? I would honestly trust your gut and see if you can find a different nursery or childminder.

(I refused to use our local childminder near our old house when DD1 was a baby as I'd witnessed her ignoring very upset babies and toddlers in her care (in the park etc) and I couldn't bear the thought of her ignoring mine !

SylvanasWindrunner · 03/09/2021 23:12

Also I totally understand the bad vibe thing. We went to look round one very well regarded nursery and I didn't get a good feeling at all. The staff looked totally uninterested and bored, the rooms looked really clinical, and it just seemed cold and not a great atmosphere. It had really good inspection reports but I knew the minute we stepped inside that I wouldn't be sending DD there as it wasn't right for us at all.

MaudebeGonne · 03/09/2021 23:12

I can only echo the other posters about trusting your instinct. Our second child started a nursery and she just didn't settle, there seemed to be minimal feedback from her keyworker, the vibe was off. So we took her out and found another nursery which she loved from day one. The equipment wasn't as new and shiny, but that is because it was played with, the workers were amazing - they really made the effort to get to know the children and we're generous with cuddles if needed. She absolutely thrived there.

I hope you find somewhere better for your girl.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread