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Original poster

Inappropriate behaviour

67 replies

hudsonsmaw · 26/11/2020 19:23

this is gonna be a long one, put the kettle on now, and grab a seat... Trust me, you'll need it!!
So, I have a 4 year old, second year of nursery, starts school in August... First year, absolutely fine, no incidents. This year? What an Absolute farce! Not just covid, but my child has been inappropriately touched by another child for the past few months. I've taken it up with the nursery, spoken to multiple members of staff, was assured the behaviour wouldn't continue and that my child's safety was essential and would be assured... this hasn't happened.
My child is coming home maki me aware of incidents on a weekly basis and today, I go to collect from nursery and am made aware the child in wues was caught touching my child inappropriately while my child sobbed no, this isn't the first incident, my child isn't the only child that's become a victim to this behaviour... Which btw, IS absolutely appalling from a child of any age, let alone a 3 year old.
My child is suffering mentally and has nightmares over this traumatic experience but the nursery dont seem to care. My child isn't the only child suffering but nothing is being done to stop the behaviour?
There's got to be someone out there that can help me? I don't know where to take this up, or who to go to? But I can't continue to allow this behav after failed attempts by the nursery for it to be stopped. Absolute any and all advice is welcome

OP posts:
ZebraStripez · 26/11/2020 23:04

Remove your child immediately and call the police. The other child is obviously being abused. Shocking that the nursery isn’t dealing with it.

Scottishmamma94 · 26/11/2020 23:08

I have removed him, so have 6 other parents removed their child as of today, we all thought it was a one off with our kids and the boy in question, but today after me blowing a gasket, it turns out there's a group of us, none of our children will be returning, each of us have filed individual complaints to multiple different sectors, the nursery just don't seem to care about what's going on tbh, I know there's enough going on in the world with covid etc, but doesn't mean they'll let malicious behaviour become the normal for my son x

justilou1 · 27/11/2020 00:42

I had something similar happen to my son, (in another country, but with very similar legal system and processes) and nothing was taken seriously until I contacted the police - they DID take it seriously as parents were known to them for things not unrelated. They went directly to the childcare centre and investigations were immediately escalated. Child was removed. Not sure of the outcome, but the management and most of the staffing at the centre was also immediately replaced too. (Not a shock. One can deduce that appropriate safety measures/paperwork were not followed in this case.)

Scottishmamma94 · 27/11/2020 08:16

Thank you so much for getting back to me, I'm so sorry your child had to experience this, it's heartbreaking seeing how it's affected my son, Im current trying to call the educational department, were boycotting the nursery, myself and 6 other parents are refusing to send our children until this is dealt with properly. This should have been dealt with back when it first was raised within nursery or the child kept away from the children in question.

nottodaytomorrow · 27/11/2020 09:06

Your child is being touched inappropriately and you haven't stopped sending them to the place it continues to happen HmmConfused

Fair enough you have brought it up with nursery but you know its still happening so....???

Also report to ofsted

DeeandraReynolds · 27/11/2020 09:08

@nottodaytomorrow

Your child is being touched inappropriately and you haven't stopped sending them to the place it continues to happen HmmConfused

Fair enough you have brought it up with nursery but you know its still happening so....???

Also report to ofsted

Oh for God's sake Hmm. So excited about giving the mother of a victim of something quite horrible a hard time and making it HER fault that you didn't have time to read the thread? What in the actual fuck? Honestly.
FelicityPike · 27/11/2020 09:16

If you’re in Scotland it’s NOT OFSTED!!
It’s the Care Inspectorate!

Scottishmamma94 · 27/11/2020 09:52

@nottodaytomorrow

Your child is being touched inappropriately and you haven't stopped sending them to the place it continues to happen HmmConfused

Fair enough you have brought it up with nursery but you know its still happening so....???

Also report to ofsted

Already taken him out when it first happened and was assured it would be stopped and all measurements put in place to prevent this happening any further. They then moved both children to the same group bubble in nursery, this is when it all started again, it was supposedly curiousity at first but now it's clearly Been taken much further. I have placed multiple complaints over the past 3 months over this issue and been told it's not been happening within the nursery as the children are supervised and they can't tell me if my son's aye something has happened unless they witness it... So calling my son a liar petty much. Yesterday a teacher actually took me to the side and informed me how wrong they were and that it's clear there's ongoing issues with the other child in question. I didn't even get an incident form which is another reason for me flipping my sh!t at the gates. Luckily my son was still inside when I was told, but more than two other parents also made mea ware this has happened to theirs and after doing some digging we've found there's 7 so far. That's seven children all 3 or 4 years of age being subjected to non consensual touching of their private parts. It's horrendous and I felt as though I was doing the right thing by my son, I knew I'd be judged for not pulling him out of nursery when it happened previously, but I was assured and re assured on multiple occasions that this wasn't an ongoing issue, and my son didn't start notifying us again until 4 weeks ago. I spoke with nursery and the boys mum at that point again, who insisted it was curiosity and child's play.
Fandabydosey · 27/11/2020 19:42

Wow, I haven't read all the posts but has anyone stopped to consider why this child is touching others. Acting out something that has happened to them. It could be a massive warning that the child is being abused and if that is the case then you will not be given any details of any investigation. I think you need to go and see a doctor for some support and advice, this is something that needs to be handled correctly with your child's best interest in the forefront. I hope your child is ok

Scottishmamma94 · 27/11/2020 21:29

Hi, just to update, I called social work and nspcc, social work called me back today and arranged a visit, they came out and spoke to myself, seen All evidence I have, letters from nursery etc, all correspondence from this situation, they cant make me aware of the investigation but will be working closely with police and other services to make sure the child in question is seen and figured out where this behaviour stems from. I will have the support if needed for my son From the ed psych who are going to speak to multiple children. My son has been given a morning place within the same nursery while they do a full investigation and have assured me this behaviour won't be tolerated. I have recieved an in depth apology email from the early learning team and assurance that this won't be taken lightly anymore.

nimbuscloud · 27/11/2020 21:38

That’s a good update.

lemonsquashie · 27/11/2020 21:42

@Fandabydosey

Wow, I haven't read all the posts but has anyone stopped to consider why this child is touching others. Acting out something that has happened to them. It could be a massive warning that the child is being abused and if that is the case then you will not be given any details of any investigation. I think you need to go and see a doctor for some support and advice, this is something that needs to be handled correctly with your child's best interest in the forefront. I hope your child is ok
Yes, everyone has. ESP OP
lemonsquashie · 27/11/2020 21:42

@Scottishmamma94

Hi, just to update, I called social work and nspcc, social work called me back today and arranged a visit, they came out and spoke to myself, seen All evidence I have, letters from nursery etc, all correspondence from this situation, they cant make me aware of the investigation but will be working closely with police and other services to make sure the child in question is seen and figured out where this behaviour stems from. I will have the support if needed for my son From the ed psych who are going to speak to multiple children. My son has been given a morning place within the same nursery while they do a full investigation and have assured me this behaviour won't be tolerated. I have recieved an in depth apology email from the early learning team and assurance that this won't be taken lightly anymore.
Good luck. Hope things change now. Poor kiddies
CatbearAmo · 27/11/2020 21:46

It's the little boy who is doing this I feel most sorry for. So heartbreaking. Nobody is protecting him. Absolutely no one.

xoxoz · 27/11/2020 21:49

@CatbearAmo

It's the little boy who is doing this I feel most sorry for. So heartbreaking. Nobody is protecting him. Absolutely no one.
I agree with you. So so sad.
Scottishmamma94 · 28/11/2020 08:16

I've reported it before, I've made the mother aware of my concerns and have been dismissed every time I've tried to do so. The nursery have the due duty to report incidents they feel are worthy of being reported. It now has been reported to the correct services. The head of the school wasn't made aware of the ongoing situation until Thursday, so she's been unable to do anything as she wasnt informed, she's now carrying out a full investigation with all appropriate services. She did clarify to me that his is no longer curiousity when the child has been spoken to on multiple different times and the inappropriate behaviour has continued, she said this is no longer innocent behaviour and would be classed as exhibiting malicious behaviour for a child and using sentences a child wouldn't know the impact of. Social work coming out today to see me and my little guy... I'm glad I got him a place in mornings but that won't help the other boy. So other children are still at risk until this situation is dealt with. That's my biggest worry, the safety of ALL the children, not just my own. Thank you so much for all your replies etc and I'll update when I can with information on this whole thing!

Fandabydosey · 28/11/2020 19:06

I hope all parties get the help they need. We'll done OP for being so brave.

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