Inappropriate behaviour

[hudsonsmaw]

this is gonna be a long one, put the kettle on now, and grab a seat... Trust me, you'll need it!!
So, I have a 4 year old, second year of nursery, starts school in August... First year, absolutely fine, no incidents. This year? What an Absolute farce! Not just covid, but my child has been inappropriately touched by another child for the past few months. I've taken it up with the nursery, spoken to multiple members of staff, was assured the behaviour wouldn't continue and that my child's safety was essential and would be assured... this hasn't happened.
My child is coming home maki me aware of incidents on a weekly basis and today, I go to collect from nursery and am made aware the child in wues was caught touching my child inappropriately while my child sobbed no, this isn't the first incident, my child isn't the only child that's become a victim to this behaviour... Which btw, IS absolutely appalling from a child of any age, let alone a 3 year old.
My child is suffering mentally and has nightmares over this traumatic experience but the nursery dont seem to care. My child isn't the only child suffering but nothing is being done to stop the behaviour?
There's got to be someone out there that can help me? I don't know where to take this up, or who to go to? But I can't continue to allow this behav after failed attempts by the nursery for it to be stopped. Absolute any and all advice is welcome

Advice was to keep kids seperated outside nursery,.and if together to be supervised. I cut off all contact with the mother when she tried to condone the behaviour by saying she's heard of worse curiosity... I can't fathom it in my head. I won't be informed of Anything nspcc does unles it involves my son

The other child has just turned 4 but just started nursery this year

Have social service's been called? They need to be contacted. The child doing the touching has clearly learnt this behaviour from someone.

@Scottishmamma94

And just to clarify my child is a boy. Not a girl

Name fail op. Just in case you want to ask hq to fix it

Social services have been informed by myself and two other parents, this was in September. 5 parents have contacted nspcc and neither of us knew about the others until today. The extent of this has just been made noticeable for everyone as it was downplayed for so long. The child's mother seems to think the behaviour is normal and not worrying. But it's not just been a touch here and there, it's become much more than curiousity. Thank you to everyone who's given me advice. I feel like the child in question needs help, or to be taught this behaviour is totally unacceptable, my son is my life and I don't want this traumatizing him which is why it needs dealt with now before it's too late

My partner feels like if I make a huge deal out of this again that our son will feel akward about it, I personally want to go and burst the boys mum for allowing this behaviour to continue after she's been made aware multiple times and done nothing to stop it. I feel like she has to take some responsibility for allowing this to continue for so long when so many parents didn't even know it was still going on. The nursery can't make us aware of incidents unles they actually witness them. Luckily today it was witnessed which is why I was spoken to. I got home and asked my son to explain everything and he broke down telling us it's all the time , the boy follows him to toilet and looks under cubicle and so much more but honestly makes me sick

Bloody hell! This is sick. Your poor son. Poor kid doing the abuse. That is learned behaviour. Have you reported to local authority early years team?

I would report to Ofsted, the nursery need investigating and help on how to handle this as they clearly have no idea.

I first made the nursery aware on sept 17th this year, I spoke to the early years team within the nursery, I was told it would be dealt with appropriately and within reason... not gonna say I handled it great, I was really angry when I went there, my m.i.l came with Me as I'm unable to control the anger when it comes to my boy. One waiting to hear back from head of education and the head teacher from the nursery.. it's just become an absolute joke and now my son needs to miss out on the last few months of nursery, while being stuck at home with me (6months pregnant) and his dad (my carer) when he's done absolutely nothing wrong. But no one seems to be doing anything about the boy doing all of this. I'm so tired of feeling unheard, or cast aside, even members of staff have noticed my son becoming more inward, which took us long enough to get him out of his shell in the first place.

So essentially your son is being sexually assaulted - not sure what other term to use to describe what is happening- in full view of the nursery staff by another 4 year old and they are taking no action? Despite multiple complaints by you?

Yep, not only my son, there's multiple other children that have been involved over the last few months. None of us parents really chat among ourselves but today I couldn't keep my mouth shut and voiced how I felt about the situation, other parents came forward and said the same situation is occurring with the same child and still nothing has been done. There are 7 parents including myself that have removed our children, And each one of us was led to believe the touching had stopped... I don't want to class it as sexual assault, as I don't know the full story or background of the child at the centre of all of this crazy sh!t going on, but my son won't be made to suffer any more. I should've taken him out art he starts and not allowed it to go this far, but I was assured by nursery on multiple occasions this was dealt with and was no longer a concern or issue.

Move nurseries and never go back. Don’t use this nursery for your next child.

Ring the police.
The other child may be in a situation where he is being abused. I cannot believe that the nursery are not taking this seriously.

I believe today was the third time the boy has been witnessed touching my child while my child tells him no and screams... only then do teachers get involved in the situation. Surely every Incident I've been made aware of the boys mum should've been made aware too? And there's been 7 of our kids this has happened too, all more than once and witnesses by staff members. Yet the child is still allowed to attend and cause issues for all other attending children .

Social work have been contacted more than once, so have the nspcc, nothing has changed.

That’s shocking.
I’d be ringing the police now.

You need to put a complaint in writing.

Document what they said what they said they would do to safeguard your child.

No my child would not be returning, i wouldn't wait for itbto happen again. I woukd also be very concerned for the child .

My child is 2 years old( 3 in Dec) and this is my absolute worse nightmare.
I’ve always been under the idea that I’d like my child to be verbal before she does to nursery so she can tell me of anything that happens to her
This has only re enforcement my idea.
I’m so sorry about your child,
This is terrible.

I'm not taking it too far by being so upset by this? When I suggested to nursery I was going to call emergency social work they advised me to wait until tomorrow to speak to the head of the school.... Im going to give them a call in the morning and chase it up as a here's already multiple reports about this. I'll call the police and also make them aware of the ongoing situation, my son is very honest about what's happening to his body and knows it's wrong, i hope that this time someone will actually come and speak to him about it, because they didn't even call me back last time z

I have written evidence of absolutely everything, including the he conversation between myself and the boys mum, she seems to think this behaviour is acceptable and unpublishable, that kids will be kids. And I do understand that kids get curious, but no wayyyy does it continue for this long with her aware of how it is affecti other kids ? She dismissed the behaviour as normal...

What an awful situation for your son and you. Firstly who is the safeguarding officer in the nursery? They need to be held accountable. The Local Authority Designated Officer (LADO) for safeguarding must be informed ASAP.
Yes, call the police. Notify Ofsted. Children are not being protected. It is highly likely the perpetrator is being abused. Please reassure your son this is not his fault.

I'm not taking it too far by being so upset by this?

No.

I don’t see why the nursery isn’t treating this behaviour like biting and following the child like a hawk and intervening at the earliest possible moment they display true behaviour.

I can see why they haven’t ‘expelled’ the child, if they are being abused it won’t do them any favours to be pushed out of the nursery but equally they can’t allow this to happen to other children.

I genuinely don't know what the little boys home life is like, I only spoke to his mum after he started nursery this year, as he started hitting my little guy and my little guys not a fighter, he was so upset by it and I ended up becoming friendly with her, trying to have our kids friendly rather than fighting, then the next day she told me that her wee bit had touched my wee boy .. laughing as she told me, and I was absolutely mortified at the thought of my boy touching someone else's privates when he knows it's so wrong, then my little boy corrected her and said 'but he didn't listen when I told him no so he's bad' x

When I asked how this behaviour was allow to happen within nursery when there's so many members of staff I was told 'because we don't have eyes In the back of our heads and can't be where the kids are 24/7... I'm 6 and a half months pregnant right now, with all this shit going on.... My head feels like it's gonna fkn explode with it all 😭😭