Are day nurseries suitable places for babies?

[ArtichokeTagine]

My DD is 9 months and started nursery 3 days a week last week. I have been stunned my the reaction of people when I tell them this. If I hear one more person say "that is young for nursery" I will scream. Alot of people seem to think that it is cruel and under twos need one-to-one care.

One-to-one care is not a financial option for us. Even if we could afford it I honestly beleive that it could be more damaging. What kind of lesson is it for a baby if the person they see as a second Mum and are deeply attached to disappears after X months to be replaced by another person who disappears after Y months? That is a horrible thing to come to expect.

I guess I am just wondering how many other Mums would choose nursery for a baby even if they could afford a nanny? And whether there is evidence that babies are damaged by a lack of one-to-one care during the day (as no many people have implied to me this week).

ta dino

tutter, hmmmm, I don't know about tips. It probably helps that I'm not a micromanager in any respect, nor am I a control freak. I just hire people I like and trust and who don't have the capacity to irritate me (ie not too loud and boisterous which can get wearing), and then just work out a sort of partnership with them. We don't have set "you do this, I do that" discussions, we just sort of work it out. THat is fabulously unhelpful advice I know. It is, I suppose useful to have a few basic assumptions like "I'll do the school run in the morning unless I ask you to" or "It's your job to prepare and feed the children their lunch unless I decide to do it" but basically we just get into a bit of a rhythm. I might be able to post something more helpful at the end of the week, when I've started with the new nanny on Wed - but having had the last one for 5 years we just both knew what we were doing without thinking about it really...!

but in terms of happy environment - I think much better to think in terms of partnership rather than nanny/employer, and to just treat them with respect, kindness and flexibility so that you get respect kindness and flexibility back. which I'm sure you'd do anyway!

mine went
are still alive

Bit late to this discussion as just got up (US time) but I ended up sending my ds to nursery at 5 months - he stayed until he was 3 ( when we moved here) I was in pieces trying to make the decision and really wanted a nanny - but for the hours I needed someone to work - essentially 7am-6.30pm 3 days a week - it worked out as a full-time nanny post based on hours - yet I was only working 3 days a weey IYSWIM. No available childminder in the area would cover these hours - so I went to our local nursery - a literal 3 minute walk from my house.

I can honestly say I would do it again with my ds - he didnt become more aggressive - he certainly didnt sleep as well at nursery but they helped me to wean him, potty train him, help him learn to walk - he was a bit slow - did fantastic arty stuff with him at an age I would never even consider.

So as long as you feel comfortable with the nursery - speak to other parents - ask to talk to parents of similarly aged children - drop in unannounced (my nursery always happy fro this to happen) and if you can if you decide to go ahead, try and introduce it few hours per week....

My ds was in Nursery long hours ( but 3 days per week) he was invariably the first to be dropped off and the last to be picked up and I felt guilty as hell but it was a great place and he missed his friends there - and still does we have been out of the country for over a year now and still talks about all his frinds there....

So ensure you are comfortable with the nursery - that is paramount. (You are going to feel guilty about any setting that is not you ) But otherwsie I would wholheartedly support a nursery environment

you need to just wander around the links but here is a page for starters here

mien are normal arent they pph?
well. ish

whoops wrong thread!

yours are lovely!

they never did full time nursery as babies though did they?

Grrr, a baby out of sorts doesn't mean ill- the baby may just be teething, infact all 3 babies the NN is caring for may be teething & grisly.

It's just not possible to give the same level of care, I personally find taking a grisly child out for a walk in their pushchair works wonders, a NN can't do that!

Each to their own, some people have no other options I agree...I know I'd never leave a baby in a nursery environment!

dd3 goes three mornings a week since she was 8 months

there are only 4 babies maximum at any one time and 2 carers

this is a better ratio than she gets at home. Sometimes, due to illness, she is the only one there. They sleep outside in old silver cross prams and I rather like the whole set up tbh.

She doesnt seem bothered and doesnt seem overly stressed out when I pick her up.

I really love childminders if you can find a good reliable one. Unfortunately ones I have used in the past seemed to spend a lot of time off sick and I couldn't cope with that this time round.

I have never felt guilty for a second but it is a great nursery with long serving members of staff. Two of the main carers are mum and daughter and the mum has been there for 12 years. Her other daughter works in the toddler room

I think there is a huge difference though between occasional care and a baby of 4 months going 5 days a week, 7-6.30 in a room with 3 babies to every adult. Maybe there are some good nurseries out there but I do personally think very small babies need better care than that.

As I said in my OP my DD has only been in her nursery 3 days so far so it might be a bit early to evaluate it. One poster (sorry - I forget who) said you would instantly know a good nursery from a bad one. I am afraid I am not sure that is true. I am sure mine is not terrible but am not ready to say it is great. The staff turnover is low, the lead carer is lovely and the physical space is excellent. However, there are 14 babies in the 0-1 room and they all have to sleep in the room in which they play. That is why I question how calm it is. DD is a light sleeper and has not managed much sleep yet.

Following all your advice I am going to try and drop in unannouced this week and see how DD is faring. I will also go and buy the Biddulph book but read it critically.

I was going to say exactly the same thing foxy.

It is the 8-6, 5 days a week babies I feel really sorry for.

Anyway I've probably said too much, I know they are difficult decisions. I've just decided in a different direction, that's all

artichoke I wouldm't be happy with that

Thistle, my nurseries always took babies out in prams every day when possible, varying from sitting them in their pram in the garden whilst the 2 and 3 year olds played outside to taking them to the shops round the block.

In the summer, they would all be outside little legs kicking in their bouncy chairs as the 2 and 3 year olds came up to them to show them stuff....

Good luck Artichoke - it is horribly difficult to work out the right thing, I know.

three days a week
8 30 till 3 30

The scary thing for us parents is that babies cannot tell us what went on when we are not there.

If I was working full time I would get a nanny or a childminder deffo

dh woudl shag her

cod!

AT, very good idea to drop in to nursery unannounced if possible...I found a lot of nursery staff to be on their best behaviour when Parents were around & slightly bored/disinterested when they weren't!

at babies or endis dh

yes his eyes popped out when he saw my mates new (gorgeous) aupair

Nor can they with a nanny tinymum. although it was pretty clear to me when my daughter started talking about burgers and chips at mcdonalds and the names of our nanny's extended family who were coming round initially overtly, we did start to get a clue.