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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Are day nurseries suitable places for babies?

110 replies

ArtichokeTagine · 21/05/2007 12:50

My DD is 9 months and started nursery 3 days a week last week. I have been stunned my the reaction of people when I tell them this. If I hear one more person say "that is young for nursery" I will scream. Alot of people seem to think that it is cruel and under twos need one-to-one care.

One-to-one care is not a financial option for us. Even if we could afford it I honestly beleive that it could be more damaging. What kind of lesson is it for a baby if the person they see as a second Mum and are deeply attached to disappears after X months to be replaced by another person who disappears after Y months? That is a horrible thing to come to expect.

I guess I am just wondering how many other Mums would choose nursery for a baby even if they could afford a nanny? And whether there is evidence that babies are damaged by a lack of one-to-one care during the day (as no many people have implied to me this week).

OP posts:

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Grrrr · 21/05/2007 13:33

I personally take Steve Biddulph with a pinch of salt. He makes his living from publishing books on his theories on childcare in much the same way as Gina Ford makes a living from publishing her theories on babycare and etc.

I'm not disagreeingwith /rubbishing either of them but they are not you and they don't know your child personally.

tinymum · 21/05/2007 13:36

Good point Grrr. However, Biddulph used to be an advocate of nurseries until he did the research for his book. And unlike some 'experts', he actually is a qualified Psychologist.

Original poster

ArtichokeTagine · 21/05/2007 13:37

Oh dear. I am so impressionable... I read one post (Grrrr) and am convinced that DD is fine because I do like her nursery and her carers. Then I read another post (PPH) and start feeling really worried and then think I agree that it is sad for a baby to be in a big room with lots of people coming in and out and no consistency and calm.

I just read some of the Biddulph link and some other reviews of his books. I think I might order his one about under 3s in nursery. I do want to be sure I am making an informed decision and not being pig headed because nursery is what suits me best.

OP posts:

AnnabelCaramel · 21/05/2007 13:39

How do you know nursery isn't consistent and calm? And again I agree with Grrr about Bidulph.

tinymum · 21/05/2007 13:39

I dont think you're impressionable Artichoke T. It sounds to me like you are open minded and trying to make an informed decision which is the best any of us can do!

Tutter · 21/05/2007 13:41

pph, can i just ask whether you wree at home with the nanny - i.e. was she sole charge or working "alongside" you? we're about to start with our first nanny (ds2 due shortly) and, whilst i'm happy with the girl we're going with, i'd be interested to hear others' experiences of how easy/otherwise it was to find someone happy to work in the home with them

Kathyis6incheshigh · 21/05/2007 13:41

Is there no consistency and calm, Artichoke?
It is calmer in the nursery my dd goes to than here when my 5 month ds is having a bad day!
Does your dd get lots of cuddles with a small enough number of people for her to be able to recognise and trust them?

If you feel happy about the place, trust your instincts, honestly. But if you don't, maybe work out what your reservations are and discuss them on here?

AnnabelCaramel · 21/05/2007 13:41

One way to think about it, if it makes YOU feel better, is to do the research, but always bear in mind that 3 days is what - say 21 hours out of the 168 that there are in a week..which as a fraction of time is very small.

Tutter · 21/05/2007 13:42

(sorry for the hijack)

btw, fwiw, we decided against nursery for ds1 (was 22mo at the time) after a failed attempt at settling - he really hated it and it just didn't sit right with me for us at that time

i have also read biddulph's book, and it struck a chord

ScottishThistle · 21/05/2007 13:49

I don't feel I'm in any kind of competition with Nurseries tbh, there are 100's of Nanny positions.

Someone mentioned twins, in nursery the ratio is 3:1 which means your baby instantly becomes a triplet.

Ask any Mother/Nanny of triplets how impossible it is to give attention to 3 babies especially if one happens to be slightly out of sorts & I feel that's something you should take into consideration.

franca70 · 21/05/2007 13:51

Depends on nurseries. I believe that good nurseries are faboulous.

AnnabelCaramel · 21/05/2007 13:51

and about baby suddenly becoming a triplet. How to eplain THAT to dh???!!!

franca70 · 21/05/2007 13:51

same as 1 mum + her triplets

DarrellRivers · 21/05/2007 13:52

I personally found it very hard leaving DD in nursery aged 13-19 m, she just seemed too young.
Now we have 2 DC so a part-time nanny has been a happier option.
Sometimes it is so difficult to know what the best thing is to do.
good luck

Taylormama · 21/05/2007 13:52

artichoke
My DS has been in nursery since he was 6 months old (he is nearly 1) - is it suitable for him - heck yes! He loves it - settled in a heartbeat and has been known to cry when i take him homw
The fact is you will know if your DD is happy or not there. I also read Steve Biddulph's book and i found it very agenda driven (as it should be)
Childcare books can only generalise - what is "good" for one baby won't be for another
You are right to do your research - i looked at 3 nurseries before I chose DS's - their staff turnover was the lowest and since he has started only 1 staff member has gone
Give it a while for you to all settle down

foxinsocks · 21/05/2007 13:53

I had my first in a nursery from around 4 months to just under a year. I wouldn't do it again and tbh, I wouldn't choose that sort of care for an under 1 if I got to rewrite history.

I had no idea first time round (wrt childcare decisions etc.) but young babies sat around in a room with 3 of them to one adult (i.e. 19 year old trainee) just isn't good enough imo.

I wouldn't judge other people for their decisions though and you have to do what you feel is right for your family.

bossykate · 21/05/2007 13:53

good, well run nurseries are absolutely fine for babies, imo & e.

PetronellaPinkPants · 21/05/2007 13:56

Doesn't feel right to me

We had a nanny til dd was 2.5 as I just couldn't bear the thought of her not being at home

Mumpbump · 21/05/2007 13:59

We chose a nursery from 6 months because there is a self-checking element, ie. the carers aren't going to lose their temper, act inappropriately with your child, because there are other adults around. We have arranged for ds to stay at home on Mondays to cut down on his nursery hours, but it has been a real hassle to find someone to care for him and the person we have found has already told us that she wants to childmind so can only help out on a temporary basis. Continuity/reliability of care is a factor...

rabbleraiser · 21/05/2007 14:01

It's not something I would do, but many decisions are driven by necessity.

gingerone · 21/05/2007 14:04

Both my DS and DD have been in nursery from 4 months old and they are now 4 and 6 and fine.

I did not want a nanny, I did not want someone in my house, taking my child to places I did not know, meeting kids I did not know. I might be the most mistrusting person on earth, but someone even with a clean police record can know some unsavoury characters...also all of the nannies I met seemed so self absorbed that I felt the child would be an accessory as opposed to the centre of their world.

The nurseries the children went to were great and 1 in particular was stunningly good. They had the same carer day after day, like a home with their own cot, their own toys, a rocking chair, very soothing atmosphere. The kids loved it. Were there times when I picked the child up with a wet bum? Yes, but very few, they were always on top of the game and the children always seemed happy.

I personally do not regret doing this at all and I often think that because they have this experience, they are independent and carefree now.

You'll know a good nursery when you see one just as quickly as you'll know a bad nursery when you see one.

PrincessPeaHead · 21/05/2007 14:05

previous nannies were all sole charge because I was working full time. nanny who has just left was sole charge for a year, then turned into shared care as I was on maternity leave and then stopped working. this nanny is shared care (but doesn't know that I hope to be going back to part time work in september... not telling her until I find out if I get the job in a couple of weeks or so!)

I remember once looking for a nanny in london for 6 months while I was on maternity leave and my existing nanny went back to oz for an extended visit. It was almost impossible to find anyone who would do shared care. Here in the country though it seems to be fine, nannies are just relieved you aren't hiring some 19yr old slovak for £50 pw and working her 10 hours a day

dinosaur · 21/05/2007 14:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Grrrr · 21/05/2007 14:06

Just questioning the one to one care scenario of all babies kept at home, I'm aware it's a ratio of 1 to 3 at nursery.

Plus, nursery staff don't have the housework to do or lunch to cook or bills to pay etc etc so it is a different thing at nursery isn't it.

A baby out of sorts shouldn't be dropped off at nursery, they are not there to care for sick children.

I think at alomost 2 years old 922 months) the settling in would be very hard if the child has been used to being at home with mum or dad for so long.

Ds2 currently sleeps at nursery in a seperate little room with cots. He sleeps tiwice a day totalling about 3 hours just the same as he does at home on the days he is not there. At home he generally has a big brother creating lots of noise and biffing him so I personally am not too worried about all the noise and interaction at nursery.

Tutter · 21/05/2007 14:09

thanks pph

any tips on how to create a happy environment for mother and nanny workign together?

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