Referral to child protection with very little ground... shocked, confused, indignant and sad. Has anyone else had the same???

[ShePersisted]

Our long time nursery (or someone on staff there) reported a welfare concern regarding our older girl to child protection. Their claimis that she was 1, wearing a long sleeved top on a hot day; 2, hadn't had her hair neatly done; and 3, after sticking her hands down her knickers was complaining that they then smelt of poo. They never spoke to us about it (after 3 years of our daughter attending the nursery) and we're now stuck waiting for the outcome of a police record search over the weekend before the matter can be put to rest. All these things aren't ideal but they don't strike me as welfare/ protection issues and I'm just FUMING. 

A few comments on the "incident": 1, the referral claims it happened on Wednesday the 14 of June; there's no such date in 2017 and my daughter doesn't go into nurseries on Wednesdays. 2, she is always sent with a change of clothes including a short sleeved top that they could have put her into if they were concerned. 3, I'm just not surprised at either a toddler sticking her hands down her knickers or that, after doing so her hands would smell. 

I feel so unjustly singled out for really very minor and cosmetic offenses. Has anyone else had this? I feel as though after such a long and good relationship with the setting they are doubting my ability and / or good will as a parent. Most of all, I'm shocked that they wouldn't come to me directly with this or at least in parallel with lodging the referral. If there were any concerns, a quiet and quick word would have totally done the trick (mortifying as it would be.) 

My girl is a September baby and so she has a whole year to go at the nursery before school. Weve been otherwise so happy there that my younger girl is about to start in September and was meant to do three years there, too. But, considering this breakdown of the trust relationship... well I'm just not at all sure if I can see doing that. 

A couple of other points to add: the date of the incident was parent teacher night so I am doubly surprised they wouldn't have mentioned anything then (to the contrary we got glowing reviews that our girl could write her name already, etc) and the week that followed we had a home visit with the nursery head in advance of our youngest starting; again, nothing mentioned. 

I don't know what to think and I'm driving myself a bit mad with worry about it... what do others think????

It's all so odd and I'm not going to sleep well until it's resolved and behind us. Just so cruel that this had to all be done on a Friday leaving us without resolution until Monday. Am still gobsmacked and reeling.

Very strange and not grounds for a referral

I'm leaning towards them having mixed her up with another girl - mostly due to her not being there on the date they say this happened.

Which is worrying for a whole host of reasons, but not least that there is potentially a child that has issues enough to be reported that hasn't been. Not that the issues they have told you warrant a report - but maybe they are part of a larger pattern with another child?

What did you say when they told you - did they have any explanation for the date?

Sounds like that was the date they reported it.

I don't believe they've made a referral on those grounds - not one that is actually being looked into.

Wow. I'm a social worker and I'd be fuming if this referral came to me as it's completely inappropriate...assuming what you've said is the entire content of the referral.

To be honest I expect that the referral is sat with the front door of the social services and the probably won't pass it through to the assessment team because it shouldn't meet the threshold. If I'm wrong they must have a very weird way of working where you are.

In my area the social worker taking the referral would be having some strong words with the nursery about how they have managed this and told them to sort any problems or directly with you, rather than making a referral.

Also, the nursery have not followed correct procedure, in this case they should have spoken with you first and told you if they are planning to make a referral. The member of staff making the referral should have spoken with you directly about it.

In any case, try not to be worried. I can't see that there's much to worry about

I would have thought they'd only be referred for reasons such as being dressed in a jumper in a heatwave plus never brushed or washed hair plus the child smelling.

They are very minor things and unless there are other major concerns, I wouldn't consider reporting them. I work with children who are genuinely neglected, in houses where there are drugs or domestic violence and social care still don't remove them so I wouldn't think you have anything to worry about. I would be concerned that there had been a breakdown in the relationship with the nursery though and if you are not able to discuss it with the management and be happy with their response, I would move to another setting.

Were you able to get to the bottom of this today, OP?

I haven't heard anything back yet, but they did say it would be Monday or Tuesday... I hope it's as soon as possible. I'm finding the waiting quite stressful because I'm desperate to talk to our nursery head to get their perspective and rationale, but I don't want to sit down with them into the case is resolved from the protection angle. Needless to say I'm glued to my phone.

Still no news.

I'd probably speak to the nursery. It's horrible having to wait for something like this and it could be a while because it doesn't sound like it would be a high priority. In fact you may never hear anything as they may decide to drop it and close the case. I wouldn't be able to stop myself asking the nursery about it as it would drive me mad.

I wouldn't wait for the outcome of the referral to raise it with the nursery I'd be in there now!!

I would feel that the trust had gone and move both children out also they absolutely should have spoken to you first.

Such strange behaviour from them

Heard back and the case is closed with social services really not understanding why this was ever referred to them in the first place. Our caseworker is telling the nursery they must reach out to us for a meeting and that they must explain their rationale. Relieved but still FUMING!

As I suggested in my post on Saturday. Social services will be fuming with this kind of silliness wasting their time. Glad to hear it's sorted at their end. When you meet nursery you might as well point out that procedurally they should have spoken to you directly about the referral before making it as per the working together to safeguard children guidance.

I would remove your child as soon as you can, they've been completely ridiculous. I'm not sure how you can trust them again.

Good news op.

The outcome I hoped for
I'm safeguarding lead in a nursery and I'm perplexed his anyone ever thought this was a referral
Our sunsafe policy actually states long sleeves are preferable in hot weather
I think you need to complain to the nursery in writing and demand an apology
And look for a decent nursery

Great news, though not entirely unexpected since the concerns raised were so ridiculous! But I'm glad they could put your mind at rest relatively quickly. Any apology from the nursery?!

OP, frankly I'd just move her.

I work in a nursery and honestly you would not believe how utterly dumb some people can be. Only last week I had to talk down a colleague who wanted to make a referral because a child had a bruise. The child had told her that she had collided with her little friend at home...the mother had confirmed this is what had happened...the little friend, also at the nursery said this is what had happened...it was bloody obvious to anyone with half a brain what had happened!

But I talked her down...if the safeguarding lead in your nursery can't do that then something is very very wrong.

Take it from me, one dumb person is irritating, a collection of dumb people can be downright dangerous. Obviously we need to protect children but engaging your brain first is usually helpful.

Once the trust is gone it's very difficult to get back.

OP have they spoken to you yet? If not I think I would be approaching them as a matter of urgency.

We have a meeting scheduled first thing on Monday morning with the Head (who knew nothing about this), the cp officer and one member of staff.

Well that's even more bizarre! Is the first the Head heard of it the contact from ss telling them it's baseless and they need to explain themselves?! I bet he/she is unimpressed!