Referral to child protection with very little ground... shocked, confused, indignant and sad. Has anyone else had the same???

[ShePersisted]

Our long time nursery (or someone on staff there) reported a welfare concern regarding our older girl to child protection. Their claimis that she was 1, wearing a long sleeved top on a hot day; 2, hadn't had her hair neatly done; and 3, after sticking her hands down her knickers was complaining that they then smelt of poo. They never spoke to us about it (after 3 years of our daughter attending the nursery) and we're now stuck waiting for the outcome of a police record search over the weekend before the matter can be put to rest. All these things aren't ideal but they don't strike me as welfare/ protection issues and I'm just FUMING. 

A few comments on the "incident": 1, the referral claims it happened on Wednesday the 14 of June; there's no such date in 2017 and my daughter doesn't go into nurseries on Wednesdays. 2, she is always sent with a change of clothes including a short sleeved top that they could have put her into if they were concerned. 3, I'm just not surprised at either a toddler sticking her hands down her knickers or that, after doing so her hands would smell. 

I feel so unjustly singled out for really very minor and cosmetic offenses. Has anyone else had this? I feel as though after such a long and good relationship with the setting they are doubting my ability and / or good will as a parent. Most of all, I'm shocked that they wouldn't come to me directly with this or at least in parallel with lodging the referral. If there were any concerns, a quiet and quick word would have totally done the trick (mortifying as it would be.) 

My girl is a September baby and so she has a whole year to go at the nursery before school. Weve been otherwise so happy there that my younger girl is about to start in September and was meant to do three years there, too. But, considering this breakdown of the trust relationship... well I'm just not at all sure if I can see doing that. 

A couple of other points to add: the date of the incident was parent teacher night so I am doubly surprised they wouldn't have mentioned anything then (to the contrary we got glowing reviews that our girl could write her name already, etc) and the week that followed we had a home visit with the nursery head in advance of our youngest starting; again, nothing mentioned. 

I don't know what to think and I'm driving myself a bit mad with worry about it... what do others think????

[cherish123]

How strange. I am surprised they would report these things - they are quite normal. I am equally surprised that SS followed this up. I know children who are far more worthy of SS intervention. They are not obliged to inform parents if they report you (wherever you are in the UK). I suspect there may be a vindictive staff member. Could Wed 14th be the day it is reported.

[cherish123]

?

[cherish123]

I would definitely find another nursery.

[ShePersisted]

It was quoted to me as the date of the incident, but since she's not there on a Wednesday perhaps it was the date of the report.

[ShePersisted]

???

[Dozyoldtwonk]

Are there any other incidents or concerns that the nursery have raised with you precious to this, OP? Seems very, very light for a referral…

[NotMyPenguin]

If those are criteria for a referral to child protection, I'm sure 90% of children would be under social services! 😂

[captaincake]

I've had a referral before. If it's the same as round here it's not a police check as such it goes on a system which goes to a variety of people to write any concerns (gp, police, health visitor, school etc) once that is done they make a decision what to do, they might just send you a letter in the post to say a referral was received but they're not taking any action and case closed, ring you then do the same, or arrange to visit to get your side of everything, see the child's bedroom etc and then do a report and send you the letter. We had the visit because the allegation was very serious and from our GP (total lie which luckily I could prove extremely easily!) Be prepared for this to take longer than you expect. The allegation, if it had been true, would have been extremely serious and massively time critical and it still took 2 weeks for them to even phone to arrange to visit

[ShePersisted]

Never been any other incidents or reports raised. Like really, zero.

[Loopyloppy]

The long sleeved thing is really weird. When it's massively hot here I deliberately put ds in long sleeves as he tends to burn super quick even with sunscreen on.

[GreeboIsACutePussPuss]

Are you sure that's all they reported you for?

I have once reported a child wearing a long sleeve top on a hot day, because when I asked her if she wanted to change into her spare, short sleeve top she got absolutely hysterical and started saying mummy would be cross, it turned out she was hiding bruises.

Smelly knickers and messy hair could also be a concern in context, toddlers do get messy and don't always wipe properly but if they are arriving not as clean and tidy as you'd expect on a regular basis that could be a worry

[ShePersisted]

Right, but she's not hiding bruises nor would she have gone hysterical if asked to change... in terms of arriving in a good state: I think she does. She's not always good about letting us brush her hair, so sometimes she sports a messy topknot and other times yesterday's plaits but am I wrong to think that's broadly ok? She really doesn't smell; she baths a minimum of once in three days and usually once a night / or once every two nights.

[squishysquirmy]

None of those things you listed sound unusual or concerning.
I suppose that once a referall has been made, the agencies involved have to follow it up no matter how daft the grounds for it turn out to be, just in case.

Greebols: That poor little girl.

[Afreshstartplease]

Op, my dd baths every 2/3 days too. Hair is sometimes messy but always has had a quick brush. I find plaits good and low maintenance.

[squishysquirmy]

My dd often turns up looking a bit scruffy at nursery; I do always brush her hair of course, but after sitting in a car seat or walking through the wind/rain it looks messy by the time we arrive. More so in hot weather, because when applying suncream to a wriggler it can occasionally get in their hair and make it look even worse.

[squishysquirmy]

I personally wouldn't send my dd in with yesterdays plaits, but then her hair tends to fall out of plaits anyway.

[ShePersisted]

She's blessed with thick hair Donna risk of them falling out. Just seems such a cosmetic issue.

[ShePersisted]

*so no risk of them falling out.

[Wonderment]

Oh dear. My child refuses to wear short sleeve as they feel wrong apparently. Same with shorts instead of trousers. We have screaming abdabs if we try to insist, so we just stopped trying, hoping the heat would encourage a little bit of common sense. Didn't realise I could get in trouble for it!

[InfiniteCurve]

Messy hair is a child protection concern? Really??

[squishysquirmy]

If they were concerned about something very minor like slightly messy hair, or clothes that weren't perfectly appropriate I would have thought they would raise it with you, rather than report it?
eg Nursery have had a word with me before about sending dd in wellingtons on hot days (sweaty feet), and while I admit that wasn't my proudest parenting moment there was never any suggestion that I was neglecting her.

[Rach5l]

Change nurseries immediately, this is ridiculous.
Only thing I would say from someone whos been there plenty of times - wrongly or rightly people do judge messy hair. Wet it down & scrape back or get a detangling spray if she can stand it.

[GreenTulips]

Actually they should be looking at a pattern - all kids will be smelly at some point and have messy hair - lack of time in the morning or sudden mud bath on the way in -

I'm sure nothing will come if it - but you may want to calmly ask the nursery manager for a meeting to discuss

[MsPassepartout]

Sounds a bit odd. Especially the going straight to reporting without discussing what sound like minor concerns.

Like a pp, sometimes I deliberately dress my DC in long sleeves on sunny days, including nursery days, to help protect him from the sun. It never occurred to me that this might be considered a child protection issue.

[GreeboIsACutePussPuss]

sometimes she sports a messy topknot and other times yesterday's plaits but am I wrong to think that's broadly ok? Yeah that's fine, as long as her hairs clean and not really knotty. I wasn't accusing you of anything btw, just pointing out that little things like that can be signs of a massive issue, at a guess from the info you've given I'd go with it being a quite newly trained member of staff, child protection training can be pretty over the top and full of things to watch out for but no real info on when to use your common sense, you are just told to report everything.

Messy hair is a child protection concern? Really?? Well yeah. Obviously not just a bit messy where they've been playing/rubbed their head on the car seat/refused to sit still while you tie it up nicely, but messy clearly not been brushed in days can be a sign of neglect, not really one you'd report on it's own but something you might note as part of a pattern.