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Nurseries

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum. For more guidance on early years development, sign up for Mumsnet Ages & Stages emails.

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Original poster

Nursery for DD and I am so upset :( Are all staff usually very young and distant?

23 replies

FirstTimeMom12 · 19/08/2013 12:49

My dd starts nursery and I feel very emotional. I found the director very sweet, but the girls working there just so distant and I feel so upset. I wanted my baby daugther to have a warm carer who will praise her and play with her making her laugh. Feel so upset and I have no option but return to work :(

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Pootles2010 · 19/08/2013 12:52

Young yes, distant, no. Did you have a look round any other nurseries?

Perhaps look at childminder instead? I'm sure she will be fine, but you'll feel better knowing you're happy with the care provided.

Original poster

FirstTimeMom12 · 19/08/2013 12:57

We looked at childminders, but as we did not know them I felt safer with the nursery environment. love the current nursery building and it is clean and bright and the director sweet. I never met these key workers before though (we visited nrusery a year ago when deciding) and the girls I met at daugthers' settling in did not impress me. I hope the key worker they will choose for her will be as nice as the girls I met on frist visit. Not sure what to do, as you never know the person who will be assigned to your child and other than this the nursery seems nice :(

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CockyFox · 19/08/2013 13:02

Maybe they are just shy with other adults, when I qualified as a nursery nurse I felt really awkward with parents but was a warm caring key worker and I really did care for the children I had in my group.
By the time I gave up to have DS 4 years later I was more confident and had a reputation as being caring beyond the call of duty but still felt a bit uncomfortable with the parents.

Pootles2010 · 19/08/2013 13:16

How old is your dd? I'd leave it a week or two, see who she gets as a key worker. Sounds encouraging that director is nice, and the girls you met before were nice as well. See how it goes, and play it by ear.

Original poster

FirstTimeMom12 · 19/08/2013 13:23

She's 11 months, guess I should wait, it is encouraging to hear some girls just do not feel comfortable around parents and would be different towards the babies they take care of. Would it be awkward and too much if I spoke to director if I felt key worker chosen in the end is not suited for my dd. I hope it wont be needed to reach that far and that things will get better ...

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YoniRanger · 19/08/2013 13:24

My DDs nursery staff are very loving and cuddly. The age range of staff is vast and there are male staff in every room. I would change nursery a if your instincts tell you to.

BackforGood · 19/08/2013 13:35

I go into a lot of nurseries to do my job. IME, a lot of the younger girls are often absolutely lovely with the children, but can often be quite shy - perhaps intimidated - by the parents and don't fall easily into conversation with them. Might that be it ? It's hard to leave your little one for the first time. By the nature of their pay / terms / conditions in Nurseries, there is often a high turnover of Nursery staff and it's not a job that many people stay in for years and years, so it does tend to be a younger workforce. If this is something that bothers you then you would probably be better looking at ChildMinders, who are often ladies who have had their own families, and have more experience.

Original poster

FirstTimeMom12 · 19/08/2013 13:51

Thanks YoniRanger, it's a three month notification and we will need to find a nursery that has place for dd first and the waiting lists can take ages... I am also wondering if I will ever find a place I will feel comfortable with, as they never tell you beforehand who the key worker will be if you joined, do they. . . And Backfor Good, you are right it is very had to leave baby especially as I only left her with grandma before and never at a nursery environment, just don't want her to be affected by lack of love at such a young age

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CockyFox · 19/08/2013 14:25

In my limited experience as a nursery nurse training and working most people who go into the job do it purely because they love children. The money is crap if you didn't love it you wouldn't do it because it is non stop on the go from
on the minute you get there to the minute you leave.
I would worry more about lack of love from a childminder who has just taken it up so she can pick her own kids up from school.

wouldyoupleasemove · 21/08/2013 19:04

Slightly different circumstances but my DD keyworker was v young and shy but manager extremely competent and talked up her skills. I took the view to wait and see rather than pass judgement. From Day 1 of settling in when the worker changed her nappy and kissed her they had an incredible bond. Just adored each other. My Daughter is in pre school.class now and she chooses sometimes to go to baby room and see her. If you are unhappy after a while go back and change it but don't prejudge. Once she knew us the worker stopped being shy. I am.requesting her for DD2

sarahloula · 21/08/2013 20:04

I looked around different nurseries for dd and they were very different and I left some thinking there is no way I am leaving my child here all day. I finally found one which was lovely, all of the staff very friendly and I felt totally comfortable leaving her there. Her key worker is amazing and I totally trust her. If you feel in any way uncomfortable please look at others. You need to be at work confident she is in the best place.

MrsSparkles · 21/08/2013 22:25

I also felt that the younger staff seemed a bit distant when my DD first started at nursery, but I agree quite often it's just a shyness thing on their part, and once you all warm up to each other it's lovely.

I was very unsure about her keyworker to start with - she was brand new and barely said a word to me - but DD having left the baby room about 3 months ago, still loves her and asks for her.

morethanpotatoprints · 21/08/2013 22:29

This was always my experience, so I decided against them.
It might just be in our area, where they look bored to death, sullen and scowl a lot.
I saw a group out today with dc, staff and dc looked as miserable as sin.
I would suggest a child minder, or look at other nurseries.

Original poster

FirstTimeMom12 · 25/08/2013 08:49

Thanks everyone, I thought of waiting and see. Noticed one of the girls is very sweet when I spoke to her, not sure if she will take care of dd though. I am also visiting a childminder I spoke to a while ago and who may be available as back-up plan. The other day I went to pick up my dd after a settling in and she must have been crying for a while and none of the girls even held her in their arms, I was so worried when I saw that... Hope things will improve

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bigkidsdidit · 25/08/2013 08:57

I found this too, I think nurseries vary hugely. I went with a CM (who doesn't have young children of her own) and couldn't be happier. She is a lovely warm cuddly woman and DS adores her.

Keep searching, either for another nursery or a CM.

MediumOrchid · 25/08/2013 09:35

This is why we are going with a childminder. I visited several until I found one I was happy with. In a nursery you just get the keyworker you are assigned. Nurseries can be fantastic but if you don't feel happy with it keep looking until you find the right place or person for you.

LIG1979 · 25/08/2013 10:30

My nursery is not like that. All the girls knew my dd by name within days (even in different classes to dd) and within days knew what she was like and what made her happy/unhappy. As for cuddles they are always giving all the children cuddles - I have come to pick dd up and she has been asleep on one of the girls lap. I would look at other nurseries/cm if you have your doubts. My dd 13 months gets excited when we get out the car as she loves it there.

WetGrass · 25/08/2013 15:35

I found CM much better in this regard.

Firstly - because I chose the person rather than the institution iyswim; secondly because this person was quite visible in the local community and I'd had ample chance to observe how she dealt with provocation from her mindees ; thirdly because the mixed ages meant that the older DC interacted with the younger DC - it felt more natural. Finally - I liked the greater continuity with a CM - though I appreciate that depends on the CM!

My experience with nurseries was that it was always a bit stiff with the parents. The family run one was very warm; the corporate one the girls did try hard with the DC - but sometimes their judgement wasn't the best with the odd thing they said to the DC - as a group they lacked maturity even if they didn't lack kindness iyswim.

Beahun · 14/10/2013 02:02

Hello FirstTimeMom12.
Just read your post.What happened with your dd?Did she settle or did you had to take her out of the nursery?My daughter was crying once in her old nursery when I went to pick her up and like your daughter no one was comforting her. I took her out straight away and made a compaint to the manager.I got back the deposit and everything.It was only her 4th day! Than I have found a great nursery:)))Please let me know what happened with you afterwards.x

Original poster

FirstTimeMom12 · 25/01/2014 20:16

Hello, sorry just saw this post in Oct.
I left my daughter in the same nursery and she likes it there now. DH thought it would be the same everywhere and to give her some time and only change if things got worse. Things got better, she loves playing with the other children and really likes some of the girls so I left her there. I am still not happy with a few things (think they do not feed the kids much and at a Xmas gathering day they delayed giving food to the kids as they had priority to prepare everything for the parents and my daugther was starving and being all upset), but I heard other nurseries are not much better and it would not be perfect so DD stayed at the same nursery...

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lilyaldrin · 29/01/2014 23:32

Nurseries vary a lot. My DS went to a children's centre nursery and in his baby room there were only 6 children under 2, with three members of staff - one was a grandmother, one a mother in her 30s and another in her 20s. The team leader had a degree in Early Years and they were always warm, engaged and competent.

aworkingmummy · 07/02/2014 14:01

I think you need to look at other nurseries - they vary so much. Some I went to see I wouldn't even let look after my dog let alone my child! Having said that, one of girls at DS's nursery seemed very off hand - after a few months it transpired that she had very little self confidence when dealing with parents, but all the kids love her. She's great with us now, but it's taken nearly a year!

JassyRadlett · 07/02/2014 14:09

I think there is huge variation in nurseries, tbh. I'm glad yours is working out but it's concerning to hear about them prioritising parents over children. The men and women who look after DS at nursery are just brilliant, very child-focused, some are a bit more standoffish with parents but every one of them adores the kids and is excellent with all of them. My DS's 'key person' from when started nursery is still adored by him, he talks about 'my [Name]'. They have a really lasting bond and she often pops into his new room for a chat with him.

How do you know they don't feed the kids much? DS is always starving after nursery but I've also seen him there at mealtimes and he puts it away there too (just as well as he's horribly fussy at home). I think the activity of nursery makes kids incredibly hungry.

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