Anyone find their child difficult to discipline because of starting nursery too early

[Cookiemg]

My dd is in nursery for 3 days a week, she was in for 2 days until 18 months then I felt I wanted to bump it up as I was finding her difficult to cope with, I was suffering from depression and the health visitor said that putting her in for another day would be beneficial. She's 2.5 now and is a nightmare and I have a sneeky feeling that she has been more moulded by the nursery than me through her formative years and has zero respect for me, I am finding it so so tough. If I took her out for half a day do you think I could make up for lost time?

I think your guilt and depression is getting the better of you. My DC were in nursery for 5 and 4 days a week respectively with no noticeable impact on home discipline. In fact DC2 (who did 4 days/week) is a lot more challenging than DC1 ever was.

So no, it's not nursery - it's just being 2.5. Talk to the Health Visitor about potential strategies, if you feel she can help, but I wouldn't start by cutting down nursery hours unless there are other reasons to do so.

thank you stealthsquiggle, it's a gamble because if she did come out of nursery and the behaviour didn't improve then I would be back to square one> I really am at my wits end and I see these docile little ones of sahms and I think why is my litle one nowhere near being on that scale?

Have you talked to the nursery? Is she challenging there?

TBH I seriously doubt it has anything to do with being at nursery - I have known (apparently) angelic DC who are in full/part time childcare and complete nightmares more challenging DC of SAHMs - and vice versa (oh, and most people who didn't know her well always thought my DD was an angel, when she was actually anything but).

Try and deal with the behaviour, rather than looking for what you did "wrong" to cause it - because there probably isn't anything.

She seems to be fine in nursery but I am going to talk to them about it. Thanks again, the 2 year olds of my sahm friends can sit quietly at a table for 45 mins, is this normal? These 3 children have been the children of my 'inner circle' of friends I don't see as much of them now as its too hard and I feel embarassed should I move onto other friends?

I would say it's pretty unusual for 2 year olds to sit for 45 minutes :) Your DD is probably behaving just like most 2 year olds. When I worked in a nursery we often found the energetic ones were quiet at home and the quiet ones were energetic at home! I would think carefully about reducing her hours, if you're a bit depressed then having her at home more may not help, and may make things worse .

Make an appointment to speak to the nursery about how they can help you discipline her at home. if she is otherwise ok at nursery, then it might just be the inconsistency between home and nursery that she is responding to. Find out what discipline they use in the nursery and ask them to help you to devise a plane for following at home. I have done just this with a 3 year old that was pretty wild at home and at nursery and have had very good results. The mother even took her to the cinema for the first time last week and was amazed at how well she behaved, she said it was like taking a different child.
The nursery will be more than happy to help.

plan, obviously, not plane

Sitting quietly at a table for 45 mins is hard for a 6 yr old never mind a 2 yr old (only lego gets that kind of concentration in our house).

I think Honey is right - you and nursery need to follow very similiar discipline methods or the kid will get mixed signals. As she is following the nursery discipline line ok then speak to them. I have a very strong willed child whose behaviour was dreadful both at nursery and home but I have worked with the staff and we agreed on tactics. He's great at nursery now ( and sometimes great at home!)

But kids do behave differently in different environments. My 2 yr old has frequent tantrums with me. Infrequent at nursery now. .

Your friends' children sound very unusual to me, and you seem to put unreasonable pressure on yourself. It's got nothing to do with SAHM vs nursery. My sister is a SAHM - she's trained in child psychology FFS- and her eldest DS at 2.5 was a boisterous destructive fiend. I'm full-time WOHM and mine is just the same. Both boys are sweet and loving and wouldn't hurt a fly, but boy are they handfuls.

No, mine were very active babies before they started nursery.

They do behave much better at nursery but I'd expect that TBH. There's loads to do and lots of adults to supervise them. Home and mummy are very boring in comparison. They wouldn't sit down for 45 mins either, I've tried putting disney dvd's on at home and they never sit through them, which is fair enough as I'm quite hyper and they get it from me.

My DSs nursery refused to believe that he used to have huge temper tantrums, because he never did with them. But the tantrums he threw at home when he was 2 were unbelievable!!!

My theory (and I'm sticking with it!!! ) is that they feel comfortable with you and trust you so can let out all their emotions, they can test the boundaries (which they need to do!) and take out any bad moods on you - after all you will ALWAYS be there for them. Nursery staff come and go, but mums are the one that is always there.

I've also noticed that when my DH only saw DS a few times he never saw the tantrums, but when he was home a bit more regularly then DS felt comfortable enough to test him too!!!! An eye opening experience for DH!