Are 6 month olds happy at nursery - worried about sending dd

[mandymac]

I have to return to work in January and we have a nursery place booked for dd, who will be just over 6 months by then. Before she was born, I didn't really have a clue how I would feel about her going to nursery (she will be full time for 4 days a week), now it is coming closer I am starting to worry and this wasn't helped by the Penelope Leach report.
Can anyone who's DD/DS started nursery at about this age give me any reassurance as to how they got on there.

Not sure I want to hear anything really negative as I don't have much alternative. We took on a mortgage just before I found out I was PG, and I have done the sums, we can't afford for me not to go back to work. Family are all over 100 miles away.

The nursery was recommended and on our visit seemed great and all the children seemed friendly and happy as did the staff. I am just worried about her routine being messed up, feeding/naps etc and obviously about her being as happy (or as close as she can be) to how she is at home.

My ds went from about 5 and half months for 2 days a week. He was absolutely fine. They moslty follow their own routine but it didn't affect ds at all. He was usally very tired the next day because although he slept in a travel cot in the room I don't think it was or as long as he has at home. It made for a lovely quiet day the next day at home

bump

DS went at 15 weeks and DD at 5.5 months (improvement in maternity leave since DS was born). They both took to it fine. There wasn't a particular routine for them at that age, they went with what I said and put them down when they were tired. Both seemed to get on well with it. They moved towards routine when they were one and moved into the next room where all the children nap together and have more set mealtimes but I think that is fine too.

DD is 16 months now and very excited to see me when I collect her at night. But also excited to be arriving at nursery although she did go through a clingy stage at one point.

I went back to work when dd1 was 5.5 months but she went to my MIL, who now has both my girls.

But I would have gone for nursery if I hadn't had my MIL. If you have to work, you have to work, so there is no point overanalysing things if she has to go to nursery.

You seem happy with the nursery and gut feelings are usually right so I think you should start thinking positive about it and stop reading those bloody surverys and research things, if it's not working mothers it's something else to make you feel shitty and guilty. So stop it!

I started back on 4 days but wasn't happy and cut down to 3, would you be able to do the same?

Routine will probably get messed up but things will settle down.

There are LOADS of mums on here whose children go to nursery, hope they have more info for you.

xx

If you are not happy with nursery the alternative is a CM. But then the baby will still have to fit in with taking the other children to school and collecting them from school/nursery/playgroup.

If you're going to go down the nursery route, it's a good age to start them, imho. The staffing ratios should be good and most babies I've seen adapted to nursery routines quickly. My DS started at 5.5 months and certainly settled in very happily, in fact I picked up a lot of useful tips from them about what babies enjoy and how to keep DS happy.

What is the nursery doing to help you both settle in? Are you going to have a few days where you can be there with her? I certainly think it helps if you can see the staff in action throughout a working day and reassure yourself that your instincts are right.

The Nursery have mentioned going in for a couple of visits to discuss her routine and get to know the babyroom staff etc, which we will definately do.

Please keep the positive experiences coming - I was struggling to sleep (even more than normal! ) last night thinking about it all.

DD went from 29 weeks (when maternity leave finished - had no choice at the time - had to go back to work). I cried my eyes out but she loved it. Over the years (she's 5 now and went until she went to school even after I became a SAHM) we've had some clingy phases but honest it's true - they stop crying as soon as you leave- if they cry at all! I think sometimes my dd cried because some of the other children were crying and she thought she should!

I can honestly say there has never been an occasion when I went to pick her up that she was sad and unhappy. And I actually moved her nursery as I was unhappy with some of the aspects. She was usually happy to see me but I usually had to drag/persuade her to come out as she had had such a good time with her friends.

For me it was the best thing - i was new to the area so it was a good way for me and DD to make friends - she is an only child so it helped with her socialisation.

I hope that I can put your mind at rest - Don't worry there will always be reports that say children are better off with their mothers but the fact of the matter is that for whatever reason (financial, social, for their sanity) some mothers have to work and we don't all have willing parents or family nearby - my mum still works herself so despite the fact she was 200 miles away I couldn't ask her anyway.

I an NOT knocking mothers who are able/choose not to put their children in to childcare - just trying to reassure that it is not the worst thing in the world.

Take Care

MC
x

I think it's a better age to start than when they are a bit older and shy of strangers.

My dd is 7.5 months old and went to nursery 3 full days at 6 months. She seems fine - she's always happy to see me when I pick her up and now gets excited when she goes in the morning so must be happy there. The staff are very good at fitting in her personal routine and seem lovely. She's had more in the ways of coughs & colds but at least it's good fer her immune system. I'm enjoying being back at work and to be honest, enjoy looking after dd more now it's not an all day every day thing (BAD mummy!! .

Don't worry - she'll be fine - whatever choice we make in life there'll always be some bloody study or report to make us feel guilty, whether it's drinking coffee, eating red meat or nurseries or whatever!!

bump - hoping more working mums will be at home now.

my two girls went to nursery at 7.5/8 mths 3 days a week and loved it. equally there are some mums on here who've had terrific experiences with childminders, so go what's best for you and what you can afford.

Maybe you could look up some childminders in the area - if you don't find anyone you like then at least you can rest assured that you've looked at all the options. Although I'm all for childminders, I do also think that babies will get used to the care you provide for them and agree with Nik72 that they are more adaptable at that age (they get clingier around 9 months).

Could you otherwise ease her in gradually? I had lots of holiday to take when I returned from maternity leave.

Both my kids go to nursery but they started at 18months. My nephew started at 6 months and loves it.

It all depends on how you feel because you have to deal with any guilt!

Have you looked into nannyshares? I did this when my ds1 was six months and dragged him round to the other mum's house for a few days a week. It was great.

Good luck!

ds1 started nursery in london when he was 11 months and he was just about okay but couldn't really do anything and was only crawling. I put ds2 in for 3 days a week at 12 months as I thought I was going back to work but I pulled him out a month later because my job situation changed. I have decided not to put him back in till he was 2 to be honest. I don't have anything really negative to say about nurseries in fact I love mine and its been really good for ds1 but I do think with the benefit of hindsight and the experience of both sons there that 6 months is a little young for that sort of environment. The reason is because they very much have to adapt to the nursery routine and I found with ds2 that it just didn't work. He would want to sleep at 10 but they would keep him going till lunch which was when they had their sleeptime and he would be too tired to eat. He would eventually sleep for about 20 mins which is just not enough for that age. Its not all a negative post though he did enjoy himself there and when we drop ds1 off who is nearly 4 now he gets really excited and smiles at all the girls and kicks his legs. So I think he got something out of it but that on balance perhaps for that age a childminder or other adult might be more suitable. Having said all that though if your nursery has a seperate room for the babies to sleep in and proper cots this would totally alleviate that problem.

If you've got time, I would also recommend visiting some childminders just to see if this would be an option (I'm obviously biased because I'm a childminder!!)

Mine both went to nursery part-time from 6 months. They are now happy, bright, well-adjusted, affectionate 7 and 10 year olds. They were both happy all through nursery, the only wobble we had was when dd had to change nursery at 2.5, and that only lasted a couple of days. I have to say that neither was a very routine-y baby, especially ds. Dd had one but was quite adaptable. They both remember nursery with great affection and enthusiasm.

If you feel happy about the nursery then try not to worry. I think personally that it was far easier on them starting at that age than if I'd left it another 3 months- at the time I was jealous of people who had longer maternity leaves but when I saw 9-12 month olds starting I realised it was much easier if they are already settled at nursery by the time they hit the clingy stage. Good luck

DS1 went at 4 months and has just left to go to school, he went 3 days a week for most of that time and loved it, he was gutted to leave. With the babies they definately fitted in with what suits them, as they got older there was more of a nursery routine, nap times and meal times but even then they were willing to adapt - DD is there at the moment and although the other kids her age sleep in the day they keep her up at my request.

dd went at 7 months and I think has settled more easily than ds who went at 11 months. The main thing is you have a nursery that has come recommended and you're happy with it.

My dd has just started nursery at 18 months, despite PLs findings (!), and is already settled. The first week was a bit rough as she was tired but now she is always smiling when I leave her and when I pick her up. Such a relief!

I wouldn't worry.

Hi mamdy - hope all of these posts are going some way to putting your mind at rest.

Good luck

MC
x

mandy!

mummycan - I've been called worse

Thanks to you all for the very reassuring posts - I should sleep easier tonight (unless dd has other ideas ).

I really didn't find that our nursery started to assert nursery routine until the chldren were one. And at that age they both liked doing what the other kids did. Especially DD who is used to doing what her older brother does. She thinks its fun to lay down on the floor on a big cushion and have a nap with all the other children - so much so that she plays at doing it with DS at home. She likes communal meal times. But when they were little they were allowed to sleep when they were tired and did occasionally miss the "official" mealtime and have to eat later.

My ds started nursery at 5.5 months. He is now 2 and seems to have liked it from the start. I've never had problems leaving him there and the staff are great. I had to return to work so I tried not to think too much about the alternatives. Babies settle into nursery a lot easier than toddlers so there shouldn't be too many problems there.

I wouldn't worry too much about the Penelope Leach study. My ds doesn't seem to have been held back by going to nursery, if anything he has quite sophisticated social skills and he is quite confident.

I agree totally with all those who say 6 months is a good age to start. They don't tend to get clingy till around 9 months. Both my boys went into nursery at 6 months. DS1 started school in jan )5 and took to it like a duck to water as he had spent so long in situations where he was happy and confident to be away from me. DS2 is 18m and has never cried when I leave him - he has a great time there. Sometimes when I come to pick him up I stand there for about a minute before he sees me - he's so engrossed in what he's doing and enjoying playing. Then he looks up and sees me, breaks into a big grin and toddles up for a hug .

Don't worry about the P Leach study - I heard her on the radio last week and she stressed that the whole point of her findings (which aren't even finalised yet, by the way!) is that it is the quality of care you choose that's important, not the type. If you find a nursery that makes you feel comfortable and happy that your child will be well cared for, then that's what counts. And the differences in the study between types of care were incredibly minimal in terms of their impact on the small child.

Regarding routine, if you write everything down they should try to stick to it as closely as possible. My DS2 has quite a flexible routine anyway and it doesn't impact much on whether he sleeps well or poorly. DS1's routine was more rigid (I had read all the books!), but even then I never found any problems with him on nursery days.

In 5 years I have found nursery to be the most flexible, cost-effective and fun option for my boys. It has enriched their lives and given DS1 friendships that have lasted beyond nursery. I would have gone up the wall if I didn't work part time and I know I would have been a worse mum to them than I have been. So as long as you are happy that the nursery you have chosen is the right one for your child, then go for it.