Are you (or were you) Lasting Power of Attorney for a parent? I'd love to hear how you keep records

[LPAResearchDarnell]

Hi all,

I'm researching how people acting as attorney under a Lasting Power of Attorney (property & financial affairs) for a parent or relative manage the day-to-day records: spending, receipts, decisions, and keeping brothers and sisters in the loop.

I'm especially interested in hearing from you if:

• you've had a sibling or relative question how money was spent
• you've had to produce accounts for the OPG, or worried you might
• you've tried spreadsheets, notebooks or apps and found them a pain

Full transparency: I'm a solo founder in the UK exploring whether to build a simple tool to make this easier. I'm not selling anything. There's nothing to buy, and I'm genuinely trying to understand the problem first.

If you're happy to share, you can reply here or send me a private message. It can be a few lines in writing or a 15-minute chat, whichever suits you. Everything stays anonymous.

Thank you, and I know this role can be really tough.

This service does exist: https://www.ordli.co.uk as an example

I was attorney for my mother for ten years.

I found record keeping straightforward. All movements of money for care, shopping or anything else was paid online so there was a digital record.

I don’t have siblings, and if the OPG or Social Services wanted to see the records, I had them. The only thing Social Services ever requested (when they took over paying for her care) was 3 months of bank statements.

When I had conversations about my mother's care, or her finances, I noted it down in my online journal.

To be quite honest, I found the record keeping one of the easiest bits!

As attorney you are not obliged to keep scrupulous records of every single item, unlike when you are a deputy and have to submit annual report and accounts to the OPG.

Did you gain permission from MN to change conduct market research here?

It’s on the non member board, so I’d assume so.

OP I haven’t started yet, we’ve only just got it registered.

I’ll probably use an excel spreadsheet, one sheet for records of conversations/actions, another for actual money moving around. Though one of my technically gifted sons may suggest something better…

Yes, this is a paid non-member request approved through Mumsnet HQ. Happy to answer any questions about it.

Thank you, that's really useful. It's interesting that the record keeping felt like the easy part. What was the hardest part of being attorney for you?

Thank you, and good luck with it. Would you mind if I checked back in a few months to see how the spreadsheet is working?

Thanks everyone so far. I'd also really like to hear from people on the other side of an LPA: a brother, sister or executor who's been worried about how a parent's money was handled by the attorney. What happened, and how did you try to find out? Replies here or by private message are both welcome, and everything stays anonymous.

We used a Google Docs spreadsheet so that anyone who needed to have access (whether for visibility or to record expenditure) could see it - and a shared file of receipt photos.

Yes, and yes I had to deal with a challenging family member. I kept meticulous records and spreadsheets of all spending. I also kept paper receipts for groceries etc. stapled into the pages of a desk diary on the relevant day. I also went back over previous bank statements for 7 years and found financial abuse, but thats another story

@LPAResearchDarnell

Having to make decisions about her life was the hardest part, where she should live and what type of care she should have, and then organising it, including a move to a care home. Nobody wants to have to do that.

Trying to get the LPAs registered with the different businesses has been the hardest part so far. Mostly everything has been electronic so records kept automatically but I keep a notebook for anything out of the usual, all letters and I scan receipts. I don't feel the need for an app or similar. Communications with sibling by whatsapp so all saved there.

DH had POA for his mother. He used the exotic method of writing things down in a notebook kept in a drawer in her dining room.

I have LPOA for my aunt and also for my dad. It has not really occurred to me to worry about record keeping. I have digital records of everything should anything ever be queried.

I think the hard part is dealing with the emotional aspects of making decisions for other people.

Google drive spreadsheet. Different pages for finances, contact details for relevant organisations and so on. As others have said the admin is the easy bit. The decision making is much harder.

Thank you, and I'm sorry you went through that. If you're comfortable, I'd love to hear more about going back over the 7 years of statements: how you did it, how long it took, and what happened next. Here or by private message, whichever you prefer.

That's really interesting, thank you. Which organisations were the hardest to register the LPA with, and roughly how long did it take altogether?

I have done it in dribs and drabs as needed so it isn't possible to say how long. I did most of them last year. None were particularly bad but they all had different ways of doing it and different requirements and every time you think you've sorted it another email comes asking for more info. Also operating accounts with LPA isn't always as easy as operating an account in your own name with the same business (can't use banking app only web version of online banking for example).

It was fairly easy as the bank gave me an online banking login. Statements went back 7 years and anything suspicious was fairly obvious so I sent a request to the bank for copies of the cheques and told them why. I didn't get the ones cashed in branch but I got enough to prove what was happening.

The whole process only took a couple of months. We were able to stop it but didn't feel we could report it without tearing the family apart. We still have the proof should that change.

That’s fine, though she isn’t in great need yet so there won’t be much.

The confidentiality question is popping up though- not re you, re other people one may feel the need to keep in the loop.

So if LPA1 is handling areas a, b, and c; LPA2 is looking after m, n and o-
transparency suggests LPA1 and 2 share a spreadsheet, which can be shown to siblings 3 and 4 if needed. The donor however may prefer her affairs to remain discrete- certainly not visible to sibs 3 and 4.
That may be a concern at some point. When she loses capacity completely, it will no longer matter to her. At the moment she keeps things very close to her chest.

Thank you, that's a really interesting point I hadn't thought about. Have you and the other attorney talked about how you'd handle what siblings get told, or is it something you'll deal with when it comes up?

We’ll deal with it when it comes up. The donor’s situation will influence what we do- as will LPA2’s job. There are accreditation/professional standards that will bind them. I have no such standards to uphold, just common decency and integrity!

We aren’t a close family, so I’m already practiced at discretion. The donor has always made choices they wouldn’t have wanted to defend/discuss/be transparent with. And spun stories that work for them.

Our discussion re record keeping has been mainly about when (not if) the donor turns on us!

I wonder whether an AI tool could be developed that ran statements / transactions and identified changes in spending habits? That would allow a report to be made, that didn’t give specific information. More, ‘spending on fuel has increased; spending on clothes has decreased; spending on Amazon has decreased; there were no unusual transactions’.

Very broad challenge, I admit!

A lot of bank accounts can categorise it like that already