Day 1 trying a daily planner to self-improve, big fail & now feel worse. Any advice?

[ReadytoFeelWorse]

I was given a SelfJournal as a gift. This one >>: https://bestself.co/products/self-journal

It's a daily diary planner based on the concept that if you have a goal you need to have consistent daily action to further it. If you want to exercise more, you need to plan to do 5 mins every day that sort of thing. Climb a mountain by walking 10m a day.

One of it's big things is that you have to fully plan your next day so that you know what you are doing all day and can tick off your consistent daily action towards your goals.

I've had a horrible personal time recently so thought I'd give this ago to try to improve my life and make some forward progress. I filled it all in last night and was all enthusiastic. It's now 5.30pm and of the14 things I had carefully planned out and timed, I've only done about 3 and now I feel even worse and like a failure

Anyone used this sort of day planning method successfully? Any advice or should I just accept it's going to just rub my nose in my failings every day?

Jeez that sounds very unrealistic! I never complete my to do lists 😂

A former colleague of mine used to say "talking about doing stuff is not doing stuff". That's why I hate personal goal setting and suchlike. Either do the thing or don't do the thing, but writing down that you're going to do a thing is not doing the thing!

Writing to-do lists is quite demotivating. Just do one thing at a time and you'll get into a flow of getting stuff done.

Edit to add - i motivate myself by writing "done" lists instead. So making a short list (usually just in my head) of the stuff I DID get done

14 sounds like a lot. I set one a year as a New Year's Resolution, usually a small one. One year it was looking after my hands because they were always splitting and bleeding. This year it's 15 minutes of exercise 5-6 times a week. They're very small things but they stick because I can work them into my existing routine without too much disruption.

I love the idea of this. I’m a great fan of lists and notebooks but I would imagine cramming 14 things into your day is maybe too much? If you’ve done 3 things maybe thats a good amount to start with and build from there? Write 3 things in a day you’d like to do/get done. You can always add extra during the day if you’ve found the time or inclination. And maybe write in pencil so you can erase a couple if things don’t go to plan so you don’t feel deflated at the end of the day looking at all the things you should have done! Baby steps and build from there. Good luck and don’t put too much pressure and yourself x

14 is a lot of things. One small thing would be better. Well done for doing anything tbh!

I was given a 'gratitude journal's to fill at the end of the day, things I was grateful for. After 3 days of: dog... dog... sunshine + dog, I stopped bothering! I felt guilty until I popped it into the recycling.

As a pp I might write down an 'i did it' list which gives me a dopamine hit.

I have loads of planners and I think I’ve had that exact one before!

I now prefer the 1% method. Just aim to get 1% better at something every day. Set ONE GOAL and just spend 5 minutes in it every day. It’s amazing how quickly it makes a difference.

I’m 💯 all or nothing, but my quiet husband has inspired be on this. Instead of my dramatic goals (that I never finish), he does stuff in tiny chunks. He taught himself to play guitar in 10 minutes a day. Now he’s amazing at it.

baby baby baby steps.

And don’t jet one bad day out you off the complete book. Let today’s page serve as your starting point. So if tomorrow you complete 4 out of the 15 goals, rather than 3, that’s real progress already.

😃

Sorry for typos. My reading glasses are out of reach. 😂

Ps would you like to use this thread for your Done list? What were the three things you did? Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine!

To everyone who said 14 things was too many, it has this whole thing about fully planing your day and has a 6am to 9pm chart. Some of them were quick little jobs.

I did properly plan my day and included time for breaks lunch and so on but departed from the schedule at about 11am partly as one thing ran over and then never recovered. Now I'm tired and can't be arsed as I'm so deflated. One of them for example was do some exercise very minimal so even a 5 minute walk would do but I didn't even manage that. I suppose I could do it now which would up me to 4 things...

I also didn't plan for messing about on MN.

14 things is way too many.

Have you tried the app finch? You set daily goals and you get points for any you achieve plus a bonus for completing x amount. It helps me get things done and make progress to goals without requiring me to do everything every day, I can just do what I can manage.

What were the three things you did? Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine!

If we are being very literal I did do more that three because I'd included have breakfast. 🙄

Paid a bill which involved setting up a new payee.
Wrote and sent a tricky work email I'd been putting off.
Wrote a work project document and summary.
Did some strengthening exercises for an old injury.

So in fact that is 4 and maybe I'll go for a quick walk now. I can't use this for my general to do list as it will just make me feel worse espeically reviwing the ones I hadn't done

Oh my goodness, this is too much!!! I definitely agree with PPs, start small and build up. If you're knackered today and have done 3 things, that's great. You could try and do 5 minutes of exercise tomorrow. Planning every minute sounds unrealistic to me.

The most helpful advice ever I was given was that most people who successfully give up smoking forever have had several failed attempts first. Sounds bad but what it means is that the first step to change is recognising you want to, then planning it, then doing it but stuff goes wrong... But you learned from it and next time you'll do better and you might achieve it.

So definitely congratulate yourself on all the work to get yourself to this point AND achieving 3 goals. Set a tiny one for tomorrow.

Those are good and somewhat hard things to get done. I use the eat the frog method at work (do the hardest thing first in the morning) and all of those might be the frog for me on different days

Those are good things and anyone would struggle to do 14 things of that magnitude a day.

You've inspired me to do some physio exercises right now that I've been not bothering with!

My one "i did it" thing was that I left work forgetting to submit a draft that needed to be done today, but then I found out a way to log into the system on my phone to click Send, while on the train home. Winning. I literally smiled the rest of the train ride because I was so pleased

Chuck it in the bin.
It's not good for you.
Just sounds like another gimmick to make money for sellers.
Make people feel they are inadequate in some way but buy this book or supplement or course or exercise regime and all will be well.
You don't need any of that.
Just write your own lists.
not too long.
Have a batting order.
Do it the other way round.
Write a few notes of what you have done each day.
Don't have to buy anything fancy.
Get a basic diary or exercise book and date entries.
This will help you order things in your life and also look back and see that you did achieve things and think of things that later became relevant.
All the best.

Me neither but writing them out makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together!

OP try a done list… everything you have done today. Did you make your bed, hang out some washing, cook dinner, take kids to school. They all count!

This one also has a 'today I'm grateful for' space AND a (get this) Win The Day Score AND a Plan to Reality Score

Did I win the day? No I did not.
Was my plan anywhere reality? No it was not.

I was all optimistic about it yesterday but now looking at this win the day stuff it is almost designed to make you feel worse.

Who ever Wins The Day? The person who is making pounds flogging these journals to suckers like me I bet.

i have the big list

and the “today”list

and never try to change everything all at once

one day last week I managed more than was on the list - it’s one of the highlights of the year. I did a deep clean of something not the usual light clean

well, yeah, you're sort of answering your own question then. In the 5 mins you've taken to post this you could have done that 5 minute walk.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself - the whole premise of those journals is you're supposed to build in a routine until things become second nature so you haven't/can't fail on day 1. Just try again. I would say perhaps reduce the number of things you try to do, but also maybe this type of life planning isn't for you, if it's so dependent on ticking everything off at the exact right time and your lifestyle means things run over etc. Only you can know if you genuinely couldn't do all the things or whether, like with the exercise/MN example, you actually could have done them albeit a few minutes late, but felt once you 'missed' your slot you'd already failed so wouldn't bother.

Waaaaaaaay too complicated and too many things. That sounds like a god awful planner that was setting you up to fail and has now made you feel shitty, instead of celebrating the fact that you have done three things that you otherwise would not have done.

You did three things today, that's great! Well done you. So I'd pick another couple of similarly sized things for tomorrow and take it from there. I'd make one of them burning that bloody planner. Celebrate every win, no matter how small. Cultivating a kinder and more compassionate inner voice for yourself is really important and is what will enable you to truly make progress in the long term.

All the time wasted filling in those boxes could be spent having a cup of tea.

Well the plan to reality score is telling you to adjust tomorrow. I'd suggest for now doubling the amount of time you expect things to take and building in more buffer time.

@ReadytoFeelWorse

I agree 14 goals in a day is way too much.

I used to be a very busy active person who got masses done each day.
Then I got diagnosed with cancer. Im through chemo but left with awful fatigue.

My goals for today were to hoover the spare bedroom and put the sheets back on the bed, change a direct debit and go up into the loft to get some bubble wrap

Ive done the spare bedroom, I'll probably get round to the direct debit and bubble wrap this evening.
Tomorrow my goals are to go to Pets at Home go restock on cat food and try on a dress I bought on line last week.

This is not everything Ive done today. A friend came round with her son in law to look at some odd jobs I need doing and as its bin collection tomorrow I'll go round the house and empty all the bins.
Tomorrow I will pop round to a friend and take him some shopping as he is housebound, and then I have an oncologist appointment.
My goals are things I know I need to do but can't summon up the energy or interest to do. Just doing 3 or 4 small things a day makes me feel a bit like Ive achieved something and not had a totally wasted day.

@ReadytoFeelWorse

I quite like the gratitude thing - but its easy to over think it.
Last week was my son's graduation, something I had doubts about seeing. So an obvious big thing to be grateful for.
Other days I'm just grateful for my cats, that a friend called, that I really enjoyed a cup of tea and a ginger nut, something on TV made me laugh.
I think maybe its a bit more about appreciating the good things in your life, however small.