How do you handle a large inheritance without upsetting family?

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I've always been poor. Not destitute. But I started at 17 in a council house with a baby. Went to uni and got a degree and a career. But then split from child's father in my early 20's. Met someone else who was much younger. Had 2 kids with him. He left. So two failed relationships by 30. Basically I've been a single parent to 3 kids for a big majority of my adult life. I'm early 40s now. I have managed with parental help to get a mortgage when I was in my early 20's. I have also paid in to a public sector pension since my mid 30's. However, I have no actual savings. Anything I've saved has been spent on what is needed to survive. There were years in my 20's when I couldn't even get credit as I'd defaulted. Money was very tight in my 20s and most of my 30s. It's not as tight now as I have a husband who earns similarly to me (public sector pay). But we still don't earn enough to save, and he isn't in the pension.
But, I'm about to become wealthy. After a lifetime of struggle, that is all shortly to come to an end. As ridiculous as it sounds, I can't actually wrap my head around it. It is through inheritance. Over the next decade I am likely to recieve inheritance several times. I'm not sure why my family have all decided to explain there wills to me at this stage; but they have. And so I know now in total the inheritance comes to over 1 million (the majority of which comes from the first inheritance which isn't far away). Yes I know you can't count on inheritance, but I know 2 of them will definitely arrive.
How on earth do you go from nothing to that level of money but not fuck up somehow?
I suppose my biggest concern is disparity with family. Basically, I am an only child, and benefit the most from all these inheritances. I am worried that my cousins or aunts and uncles will be upset or feel that I'm not deserving of this money. Maybe it should have been shared out more than it has been? I don't want family rifts. If I didn't have 3 children and a stepdaughter to consider, I absolutely would share it out to them. But with my children, one of whom is disabled - that money needs to be prioritised for them. I know I don't have to declare the amounts; but these people are in the same wills. So they will know. They will also know from my lifestyle even if they didn't read the will.
Has anyone experienced this? How did it change family dynamics? I've so many worries but I guess this is the one I want to start with asking. Tell me how best to manage this situation whilst prioritising my children.

Don’t discuss it with them, it’s your business.

Enjoy the freedom of not worrying about money anymore. It will be wonderful. Who cares what they think.

It’s absolutely none of their business. Just don’t discuss it.

Dont talk about it

And seek financial advice on how to grow it
investments etc

Ok, you need to reframe this. Wonderful news, you should enjoy and not worry about others. 40k in a SIPP for DH, max the kids isas each year for 5 years and premium bonds for all of you, pay off the mortgage. Then relax and stop worrying! It's so so great!
And do not discuss it with anyone, ever!

Don't count on it. Especially if you receive the first one and the amount becomes known in the wider family. Wills can be changed at any time.

Those who have written the wills know the original will that i about to inherit - infact they have all gone and re-written their wills as a direct concequence of the original will (which is the vast, vast majority - then there is approx a further 200k from my mum, grandma and aunt as the other inheritance). I find it quite bizarre, but it is what it is. I think this first person dying has prompted all of these changes.

Will there be inheritance tax to pay on the estate? Just don't count on anything yet or worry about issues that might never arise.

£1m might got go as far as you hope once you pay off mortgage, holiday, savings and Uni for the children. You should consider investing most of it into a pension so you can retire earlier.. A withdrawal rate of 4% on £1m is 40k p.a so not exactly life changing.

Hopefully they will have the grace and maturity to be happy for you.

Are they people who would normally be expected to have had a more equal share because their relationship is equivalent to yours? I.e has there been favouritism ?

If not, just be thankful and grateful.

And get a financial advisor to talk through his best to use the money to support your goals.

Keep working, keep building your pension, keep it real.

Op hopefully things will work out but no one ever knows what care they’ll need, dementia care for example can cost a fortune, I would try not to think about it for now.

Thank you for this! I plan to pay the mortgage (200k). I have about 50k I'd like to spend on paying debt, and having work done to the house, plus a family holiday. My eldest is an adult, and also named in the will but for a much lesser amount. I'd like to give him more for a house deposit - and he may get married in the next few years, so some money away for that.
The other 3 kids are much younger, so yes, I'll be putting money away for them in isas. Hadn't thought about DH pension (other than, get joining!). So I'll look at that!

I said in my OP I'm aware, however the large inheritance is imminent and will absolutely happen.

People with kids usually leave them everything. There's no societal expectation at all that the deceased should share their assets with their siblings. Nobody will be surprised that it's going to you, you are the obvious beneficiary.

So I'm an only child of divorced parents. The way the inheritance seems to have been divided by the various relatives means that as an only child, I benefit far greater - for example my Nan has just told me (she's 90, in a care home in Australia so differently worked out than here, but her money isn't being used for care at all) she has split her will in to 4, and quarter to each of her children, then a quarter split between 7 grandchildren. However, the new version states that should one of her children predecease her (which is what is happening) that their children will recieve that quarter plus the other 7th of a quarter. So as the only child of my parent, I gain a far greater share than my cousins. My nan is adamant that's how she wants it though.

But that is fair because the other grandchildren will inherit from their parents

This is all quite strange. Multiple family members have rewritten their wills based on another will, to leave all of their estate to you? Why?

I inherited a sizeable sum when my Mum died. She lived very frugally and for some reason everyone assumed her house was rented, so I just let them assume it.

I haven't asked! I am assuming it is because most of it would have gone to my parent and they want to make sure their share goes to their daughter?

I’ve now re-read your update. That is entirely normal OP! And nothing that you need to justify. I think all of the wills in our family state the same- my mother’s and grandmother’s wills both state that if their child predeceases them, that portion then passes to their children (me, and then my daughters).

Did anyone have their relationship with others damaged because of it? That's my biggest concern at the moment really.

Tell no one anything. Because yes, in my experience, having money changes your relationships with an awful lot of people. Everyone will say it doesn’t matter to them….but when it happens? It does.
I would add that a million, while a massive amount, isn’t actually THAT much to support you and your children for the rest of your life. Protect it and spend it wisely.

With all due respect op, if you’ve a £200k mortgage you’ll be left with £800k which whilst a lot of money is very comfortable, not really wealthy. Once your mortgage is cleared invest it properly, it’s the right amount t for a decent wealth advisor, and then only draw down what you need on top of your salary. You can afford to give your kids decent deposits, it’s not private school money for 3 kids, and use the interest and dividends if you want to do something nice like holidays and home improvements

I will be saving each month on top - my current mortgage and debt repayments (and childcare which ends this year) is over £1900 a month. So I'll be putting money away each month too, it will be nearly 24k a year to add to the pot. If I retire at 55, that's over 300k saved for a "rainy day".

Also, what kind of lifestyle are you envisioning. It’s really not a mansion, business class flights, Range Rover kind of income. It’s nice holidays, topping up uni loans, being able to keep your house updated, not looking at the food or heating bills, fixing boilers and knowing you can pay for anything big and unexpected and will have a decent retirement money

This happened to me when my father predeceased my grandmother (I’m also an only child). I got my (small) share plus his whilst my cousins just got their own shares. Widely known in the family and nobody has said a word - they probably all know that I would have much rather not lost my dad at the age of 5.