How do you handle a large inheritance without upsetting family?

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I've always been poor. Not destitute. But I started at 17 in a council house with a baby. Went to uni and got a degree and a career. But then split from child's father in my early 20's. Met someone else who was much younger. Had 2 kids with him. He left. So two failed relationships by 30. Basically I've been a single parent to 3 kids for a big majority of my adult life. I'm early 40s now. I have managed with parental help to get a mortgage when I was in my early 20's. I have also paid in to a public sector pension since my mid 30's. However, I have no actual savings. Anything I've saved has been spent on what is needed to survive. There were years in my 20's when I couldn't even get credit as I'd defaulted. Money was very tight in my 20s and most of my 30s. It's not as tight now as I have a husband who earns similarly to me (public sector pay). But we still don't earn enough to save, and he isn't in the pension.
But, I'm about to become wealthy. After a lifetime of struggle, that is all shortly to come to an end. As ridiculous as it sounds, I can't actually wrap my head around it. It is through inheritance. Over the next decade I am likely to recieve inheritance several times. I'm not sure why my family have all decided to explain there wills to me at this stage; but they have. And so I know now in total the inheritance comes to over 1 million (the majority of which comes from the first inheritance which isn't far away). Yes I know you can't count on inheritance, but I know 2 of them will definitely arrive.
How on earth do you go from nothing to that level of money but not fuck up somehow?
I suppose my biggest concern is disparity with family. Basically, I am an only child, and benefit the most from all these inheritances. I am worried that my cousins or aunts and uncles will be upset or feel that I'm not deserving of this money. Maybe it should have been shared out more than it has been? I don't want family rifts. If I didn't have 3 children and a stepdaughter to consider, I absolutely would share it out to them. But with my children, one of whom is disabled - that money needs to be prioritised for them. I know I don't have to declare the amounts; but these people are in the same wills. So they will know. They will also know from my lifestyle even if they didn't read the will.
Has anyone experienced this? How did it change family dynamics? I've so many worries but I guess this is the one I want to start with asking. Tell me how best to manage this situation whilst prioritising my children.

Just do not discuss money with anyone outside your husband. If they bring it up just politely say "sorry I don't discuss finances" and move on. Very easy.

Exactly. OP thinks it’s a lot more money than it actually is. She effectively now has a decent pension which should pay out say 50-60k from 66 etc.

Equally, wills can be changed at the drop of a hat I’m not as sanguine as OP that this money will materialise.

OP - 1). Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched. If any of these people end up in care, your inheritance will quickly be eroded.
2). Why does it matter what aunts or cousins think? You’re an only child: it’s only to be expected that you would inherit from your parents. Just say as little as possible about it all.

You’ve done really well.
dont beat yourself up about two failed relationship in your 20s that’s normal. You’ve done well to find a nice husband now too.

To be honest, I don't think you need to worry about fucking it up. A million is financial security, but by the time you've paid off your mortgage, maxed out savings for the kids, sorted out your husband's pension and given yourselves a little treat you may well not have much left over. I'd reframe it from "I'm about to be intimidatingly wealthy" to "I'm going to be financially secure for the first time in my life". It sounds like you know how to manage money, you'll be fine.

As for the family relationships, you're overthinking it. It sounds like these inheritances are all scrupulously fair so I can't see why anyone would have an issue. Equally, how involved in your day to day life are your extended family? Are they actually going to be aware if you switch from Lidl to Waitrose and have a nicer car than you used to?

Don’t discuss it with other people. Their opinions don’t matter.
I would advise speaking to a financial advisor so they can help you best navigate it and make it work for you.

I grew up poor and married into a wealthy family. My DH and I speak regularly to a financial advisor and this has really helped me get my head around our family financial situation and understand how to invest and make it work in the long and short term

When my DM passed I was the sole beneficiary other than small gifts she asked me to give out.

a cousin I was close to, took that as his cue to start telling me how poor his financial situation was and had the expectation I would “help him out” (he was obviously aware of my husband’s family wealth too so he decided I “didn’t need” my DM’s money)

we no longer speak. But I think that’s more telling of his expectation and entitlement

I’m so pleased for you - please don’t discuss - it’s your business, no one else’s

Will be safe but will earn an abysmal amount of interest.

The OP needs to put it somewhere safe until she gets advice from a financial advisor. As I said.

Getting a better investment is definitely available but anyone without the know how needs their money safe in the interim.

If this is the only one where the person has died, then treat it as if it's the only one you'll ever receive.

You'll stay much more grounded and realistic as a consequence.

As others have said wills can be changed, circumstances change, money and assets can disappear into other things before someone dies.

I would reframe how you think about it; this will give you more choice in what you do - where you live and whether you reduce your working hours or retire earlier.
You don’t owe cousins or others anything, you can choose how you live and who you do help. You may want to help your children but it would soon be gone if you treat it like a lottery win, financial advice sounds wise.

My cousins' mother died when they were still in their teens, so they have benefitted in subsequent family wills by getting her share as well as their own. This meant they inherited significantly more than me and my siblings when my grandmother and other older relatives died. It hasn't been a matter of resentment, as the reasoning is quite clear, and they would much rather have had a mother who was still alive.

OP enjoy your good fortune, it's too bad if other people are jealous, you have 3 young children, one is disabled that should be your priority and not what people think.