Heartbroken

[Norahs105]

Hi, I am new to MN, however I have been reading posts for a long time! I have been married for 17 years and My husband and I have been together for 27 years! After weeks of suspicion, I was sent a text message saying that my husband was having an affair with a lady from work! She is 26 years old and he is 47! What am I going to do? I am devastated! I have adored him for 27 years and up until a few months ago he adored me too!

Hi I'm sorry your in such a difficult situation at the mo. Can I ask why you were suspicious and who text you? As the previous poster said I would talk to your dh don't accuse just ask and take it from there. Then have some time to think about what you want to do. Sending hugs

Hi, thanks so much for your kind replies! I have asked him, at first he denied everything saying I was being unreasonable and paranoid! Then I received a text message telling me everything ( I can only assume it was from her)! The lady is a work colleague and has had her eyes on him since he started working there a year and a half ago! I received the first text which reinforced my suspicions, then another two texts . After the last text he sat me down and told me she kissed him and he was powerless to stop it! That broke my heart but he said nothing else happened! Then I received a fourth text telling me intimate details, he then got so angry with me! He told me she went to work one day without any underwear on ( no guessing as to what she did)! He has gone from the most adoring man to someone I don't know! He has said the most awful things to me... "I have the body of a 46yr old and she has the body of a 26yr old! How can I compete with her! Apparently she wants to go and live in Tuscany and wants him to go with her! On Sunday he was going to leave me for her, then one of his friends called him and after an hour on the phone he walked into the kitchen and said that he had had a long talk with his friend and has decided to stay with me! He said he was depressed and she took advantage of that because she feels they are soulmates! So I spent an hour in the kitchen washing the same plate expecting him to walk in and say goodbye to him saying I want you not her! I've had a letter every day this week in the mail with threats of curses etc (apparently she is a witch/ Druid)! I changed my mobile number so she can no longer text me ( I can only assume the messages were from her)! She goes to work with a hip flask of alcohol and drinks that during shifts! Apparently she drinks a lot ( something my husband always hated)! She gets into fights (another thing he hates)! I don't know what to do! I am so sorry for the sermon and I hope I have made sense! X

I don't know why you are waiting for him to decide the fate of your relationship. He has shown no respect for you or loyalty. He has made horrible comments about you. Yes you have the body of a 46 year old, but he has the body of a 47 year old and the behaviour of a weasel. He is angry with you! For what?

I know it is hard. I can't begin to imagine how devastated you are. Who cares about this woman and what she is like. The problem here is him and how he has treated you. He owes you the respect and the loyalty not her. 27 years together and he behaves like this, you deserve better

Thank you, I feel the same way! I am so loyal and would never have done anything to harm what we had!
I thought he felt the same way! He has thrown what we had away like it didn't mean anything!
Also when I mentioned the fact that she wasn't born when we met and we had been together longer than she has been on this earth he said that they had joked about that saying I was just something to keep him going until they were together!
I am trying to deal with this and have no one to talk to ( hence the very deep breath before my first ever post)!
Yesterday, we tried talking, however, it was all about him and when I said okay just leave he totally lost it and pushed me so hard I fell backwards onto a kitchen cupboard! He has never ever raised a hand to me! I told him I am done, he was so shocked by his actions he started crying and trying to hug me saying it meant nothing to him and if he could go back to the beginning he would have never have done it!

I don't know what to do! I have been such a good wife, he always says it!

My self worth is zero, I have put everything into my marriage and family and someone can just walk in want someone and rip a whole family apart with absolutely no concience or remorse for the people they hurt!

Thanks again for your replies, it's such a relief to have people to talk to!

Oh Norah, I feel for you, this happened to me in June, the love of my life for 23 years turned into a cruel stranger having told me about his new (much younger and apparently more fun/sexy/ slim/ pretty) woman. It bloody hurts and is hell, but things are improving so hang in there. I have seen him 2 or 3 times since, each time I cry for 24 hours on and off afterwards but between things are getting better and they will for you, but get in the driving seat and make decisions to suit you. I am enjoying single life, I've moved to another country, it's tough but fun but people can be so kind and helpful. I've culled my 'friends' to the ones who really seem to be friends, it makes life happier and simple pleasures mean so much now, a good cup of coffee and the paper in peace and quiet, acquiring a kitten from a sanctuary - not having to justify it! Enjoy the positives where you can find them.

And now he adds domestic violence to his list of behavioural traits. You are better off without him. Phone the non-urgent police line and report the assault then get a SHL and divorce his arse!